Giving and not receiving - bit of a rant

Indie_Kid

We have relatives who have a habit of "forgetting" birthdays and Christmas. They didn't even apologise or have the guts o say anything.

Don't think it's that much of a coincidence that when they've not bothered about. Grist as presents, we've not seen them over Christmas.

fluffnutter

Is that what his dad has decided then? Perhaps I'm missing something but I thought this was about you buying the nephew something and feeling resentful that your child is bought nothing in return. So where does the dad come into things? Or are you going to sit the nephew down and explain that you're not buying him a present in the future and this is the elaborate reason why? If so... hmm, sounds rather complicated and liable to bite you in the backside frankly.

You have two options: 1) accept that life isn't fair and continue with your gifts to your nephew or 2) stop buying him something and leave it there. No need for excuses.

becominganobsessivesaver

We generally spend £25 to £30 on our nephew (genuine spend rather than 'reduced from'). Maybe we just go down the box of chocs route and be done with it.

CH27

Have you tried talking to your BIL about why he hasn't bought anything for your children?

fluffnutter

becominganobsessivesaver wrote: »

We generally spend £25 to £30 on our nephew (genuine spend rather than 'reduced from'). Maybe we just go down the box of chocs route and be done with it.

Yeah why not? If it would help you to feel less resentful do it.

becominganobsessivesaver

fluffnutter wrote: »

Is that what his dad has decided then? Perhaps I'm missing something but I thought this was about you buying the nephew something and feeling resentful that your child is bought nothing in return. So where does the dad come into things? Or are you going to sit the nephew down and explain that you're not buying him a present in the future and this is the elaborate reason why? If so... hmm, sounds rather complicated and liable to bite you in the !!!! frankly.

You have two choices: 1) accept that life isn't fair and continue with your gifts to your nephew or 2) stop buying him something and leave it there. No need for excuses.

I suppose it was an elaborate reason why, I just don't want our nephew to think it's his fault. I think a cheaper token gift is definitely the way to go.

fluffnutter

CH27 wrote: »

Have you tried talking to your BIL about why he hasn't bought anything for your children?

In an ideal world... but I can imagine that's not a conversation particularly conducive to family harmony. What's the point in falling out? The OP needs to decide whether continuing with presents for the nephew is worth the resentment. If it is, then continue, if not, then she stops. She's in control. No need for a big family pow-wow that is likely to end in tears and bad feeling, I suspect.

fluffnutter

becominganobsessivesaver wrote: »

I suppose it was an elaborate reason why, I just don't want our nephew to think it's his fault. I think a cheaper token gift is definitely the way to go.

I totally get that you're trying to spare his feelings but your solution was to lie about stuff his dad has said. That just ain't gonna work.

becominganobsessivesaver

fluffnutter wrote: »

I totally get that you're trying to spare his feelings but your solution was to lie about stuff his dad has said. That just ain't gonna work.

See your point, I was really thinking that this would have been discussed with his Dad beforehand, e.g 'so you're not buying for ours because you want to spend more on your son, so shall we do the same and you can explain that's what we're doing'. But yep agree far too converluted and likely to cause friction, box of chocs or pair of socks it is!

POPPYOSCAR

becominganobsessivesaver wrote: »

I won't stop buying for our nephew as he is of the age when he thinks he's done something wrong, and that just seems unfair on him. We hardly see him as it is, and he's a lovely boy, so it keeps the contact there. I think mil may have already said something, but we'll wait and see.
It just annoys me that they were so fussy about what we should get him! Next time we just won't ask!

I agree with you.

It is not the fault of the child, but of the parents.

I have been in the same situation - sometimes mine would get a present and sometimes not. They got to an age where they noticed it and would query why I continued to buy for their cousins. I explained that just because they did not get a present did not mean that we should be the same.