seperated....holidays with kids

peachyprice

FatVonD wrote: »

I'm assuming that, since the dad has them at weekends, he works during the week and the mum has been the primary care giver

OP has already said that the dad has them from Friday to Sunday every weekend and 2-3 times in the week, so that would make them equal care givers.

Person_one

peachyprice wrote: »

No, it was 'wow' worthy when you said you'd not spent that time away from either parent until you were 17, I thought that was that quite old Nothing to do with whether or not your parents are separated, mine aren't either.

I didn't mean is it 'wow' worthy to have parents who aren't separated, as obviously that's quite common!

I meant that I don't think its that unusual (wow worthy) for children whose parents are together to get to their mid-late teens without spending a full fortnight away from one of them. At least not amongst the people I know.

janninew

peachyprice wrote: »

OP has already said that the dad has them from Friday to Sunday every weekend and 2-3 times in the week, so that would make them equal care givers.

Seems to me if Dad has them every weekend, all weekend he would certainly see the 8 year old more than Mum as he will have 2 full days together, Mum wouldn't have this if the child is at school during the week.

FatVonD

peachyprice wrote: »

OP has already said that the dad has them from Friday to Sunday every weekend and 2-3 times in the week, so that would make them equal care givers.

I don't think the OP is going to say anything that doesn't back up his own side of the debate!

jayII

FatVonD wrote: »

I don't think the OP is going to say anything that doesn't back up his own side of the debate!

That's my feeling too. The OP has answered every question with another detail that backs up his/her side and at no point have they shown any sympathy, concern or kind feeling towards the child's mother.

Something doesn't feel right if the children spend every weekend, all weekend, and a couple of evenings every week, with dad.

When does the mum get to spend quality time with both children, when do they have a lazy morning or a day out with mum? Seems a tad unbalanced to me, to say the least!

Again, I'd say the same if the situation were reversed. Children need quality time with both parents! It's also not good for children when a parent's feelings are treated as unimportant.

janninew

FatVonD wrote: »

I don't think the OP is going to say anything that doesn't back up his own side of the debate!

OK, so we are calling the OP a liar now?! We only get one side of the story on all threads on forums like these, we have to make comments on what the poster says, otherwise what is the point of commenting? None of us know the couple and kids so do we make our own assumptions, or do we listen to the OP and give suggestions on the facts they tell us!

janninew

jayII wrote: »

That's my feeling too. The OP has answered every question with another detail that backs up his/her side and at no point have they shown any sympathy, concern or kind feeling towards the child's mother.

Something doesn't feel right if the children spend every weekend, all weekend, and a couple of evenings every week, with dad.

When does the mum get to spend quality time with both children, when do they have a lazy morning or a day out with mum? Seems a tad unbalanced to me, to say the least!

Again, I'd say the same if the situation were reversed. Children need quality time with both parents! It's also not good for children when a parent's feelings are treated as unimportant.

My older brother has a little boy with a lady, they are now separated, my nephew spends every weekend and every Wednesday night with his Dad without fail, this works for both of them, she can do her own thing and he gets to see his son. Not all Mum's (or Dad's for that matter) want quality time with their children (sad but true!) Doesn't matter if it seems 'unbalanced' to you, if it works for the couple and the children its nobody else's business. What about parents who are together but one works away? In an ideal world kids have equal time with both parents, but we don't live in an ideal world!

peachyprice

jayII wrote: »

That's my feeling too. The OP has answered every question with another detail that backs up his/her side and at no point have they shown any sympathy, concern or kind feeling towards the child's mother.

Something doesn't feel right if the children spend every weekend, all weekend, and a couple of evenings every week, with dad.

When does the mum get to spend quality time with both children, when do they have a lazy morning or a day out with mum? Seems a tad unbalanced to me, to say the least!

Again, I'd say the same if the situation were reversed. Children need quality time with both parents! It's also not good for children when a parent's feelings are treated as unimportant.

Being a woman doesn't make someone a natural mother, perhaps she has had enough of being a mother, perhaps she's a career woman who would rather be at work, perhaps she goes out alot and would rather spend time with adults and it quite happy not to spend time with her children, it does happen.

On the otherhand perhaps OP is a complete !!!!!! who wants to turn the children against their mother and is only wanting to take the children on holiday to spite her.

Who knows?

All we can do is comment based on is how our relationships work and how we would feel. Having separated from my first husband when my boys were 18 months, I have never seen us as anything other than equal parents with only our son's best interest at heart, just because we don't love each other doesn't mean we don't love our children, and based on that I don't see that time spent with me is any more important than time spend with their dad, just because I am their mother. I certainly would never have stopped him taking them anywhere at any age, and why would I think I had the right to?

LiveLoveLaugh

travelgran wrote: »

To go back to the original question about the legality of one parent taking a child abroad, a quick trawl of the Internet throws up a solicitor's site which says that when both parents have parental responsibility, the travelling parent needs a consent letter from the other. However if one parent has a residency order from the court that parent may take the child abroad for up to a month without such a letter.

Can anyone quote 'chapter and verse' on this?

We took my stepchild on holiday abroad last year, both parents have parental responsibility, we did not need any such letter to book the holiday or to take her out of the country.

It is correct though that a parent can take the child for up to 28 days without permission, however if they are then not returned, the parent that took the child abroad could be done for child abduction and the child returned. (Although only if the parent accusing of child abduction has parental rights)

However I think it seems clear that providing the OP is telling us the whole story, which we have no reason to think otherwise if I'm honest, then there is no risk of this to the child.

Tell the dad to go to a solicitor and court if needs be to get a proper agreement drawn up regarding when the child is to be with him including school holidays etc and to have something put in regarding holidays abroad and handing over passport, that way it's done and there need not be an argument and silly excuses year after year about why the child can holiday with one parent and not the other.

LiveLoveLaugh

peachyprice wrote: »

All we can do is comment based on is how our relationships work and how we would feel. Having separated from my first husband when my boys were 18 months, I have never seen us as anything other than equal parents with only our son's best interest at heart, just because we don't love each other doesn't mean we don't love our children, and based on that I don't see that time spent with me is any more important than time spend with their dad, just because I am their mother. I certainly would never have stopped him taking them anywhere at any age, and why would I think I had the right to?

How lovely If only all parents could see this when they separated there would be so many more happier children in this world.