seperated....holidays with kids

duchy

peachyprice wrote: »

I must be missing something, where does it say the mother is the primary care giver?

As always on this forum, the man is assumed to be the unreasonable parent, the mother the saint.

Eh ?

Its a rare situation that very young children dont live with their Mother unless the courts deem her very unsuitable due to illness or extreme lifestyle -whether that is "fair" is another matter.

Two weeks is an eternity to a three year old and Id have reservations about any parent who can't see that instantly and realize it isn't best for the child. I seperated from my husband and he consulted with me about holidays (our son was 7) and we both agreed 2 weeks was too long but a week if handled carefully was fine provided we tried a few short breaks ibeforehand so he got used to the idea.

I'm a little tired of parents resident or otherwise who put their own wants above their children's needs - and a 2 week foreign holiday IS a want and not a need.

Years ago I worked for an insurance company repatriating people from holidays due to illness etc . The saddest case I had was a six year old taken to Florida by his NRP. Dad was a recovering alcoholic and the first night of the holiday got hammered and ended up getting sectioned leaving his lad to all intents and purposes alone in the US.Dad refused to sign the paperwork allowing the child to be flown home so to avoid the child getting taken into care by the US authorities -the holiday company had a rep stay in the hotel room with the child 24 hours a day til Mum could be flown out to take him home (They couldn't take him anywhere outside the hotel due to liability issues). I could have cried for that little boy.

Dumbe

grey_lady wrote: »

Not jealous - keeping a 3 year old away from their mother for a couple of weeks is cruel.

I'm sorry but I have to disagree ..

Two weeks that a child is going to enjoy with his Nrp. ( either mother or father) is great it's helps ensure the Nrp maintains the bond etc.. To deny the child hat is in my opinion cruel.

I assume that Nrp sees his or her children regularly and they know and love him or her.

My step son ( who is older now) spends 50 percent of every holiday with his dad plus Friday ( so in a 6 week term holiday this is a 3 week block)plus Friday, sat and sun nights every second weekend. And has done since he was one year old .. They have a close bond.

The relationship with both parents is important to the child not just one.

Op why not take your kids somewhere in the uk for 2 weeks? When there are no mishaps hopefully Nrp will be more open to a foreign holiday at a later date.

Seanymph

Yet if the NRP misses a weekend and a child spends two uninterrupted weeks with the resident parent that would be ok I suppose?

Really, he is the child's father - a parent - an equal loving parent I assume, and the three year old's reality is that he will have to get used to time with each parent individually. No doubt he's already used to it.

I would say Florida would be a waste of money with a three year old - go to Disney Paris for three days, then go to the Isle of Wight and dig in the sand for a week.

Florida is MUCH better when kids are old enough to actually access ALL the rides, and have the stamina to get around there.

claire16c

I'd wait a couple of years before doing Florida, 3 is quite young so they will be too small for most rides & probably won't remember it.

Maybe pick somewhere else a bit closer & just go for 1 week.

FBaby

It totally depends on the current set up. If the nrp sees his kids every week-end, looks after both of them without having to rely on his mum or girlfriend, the children are mature and totally comfortable with their dad, he is responsible and always look well after them, and the break-up has been for some time, then I think it is totally acceptable.

Very different scenario to say a dad, who has never been much involved with his kids, who left the mum for his girlfriend... a month ago, the kids have never met her and he wants all of them to go away to play happy family, and the three year old cries every time she goes to see her dad, who has shown some deficiencies in the past, then of course it would be totally unacceptable.

fluffnutter

I think there's a compromise here. It's important that dad gets to go on hols with his kids but two weeks in the States is a long time for a 3 year old.

Why not a week closer to home? Florida's a dump anyway

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

It totally depends on the current set up. If the nrp sees his kids every week-end, looks after both of them without having to rely on his mum or girlfriend, the children are mature and totally comfortable with their dad, he is responsible and always look well after them, and the break-up has been for some time, then I think it is totally acceptable.

Very different scenario to say a dad, who has never been much involved with his kids, who left the mum for his girlfriend... a month ago, the kids have never met her and he wants all of them to go away to play happy family, and the three year old cries every time she goes to see her dad, who has shown some deficiencies in the past, then of course it would be totally unacceptable.

This is why there's no right or wrong answer - it all depends on this family's situation.

pigpen

It does sound like sour grapes. I am sure the children would have a fabulous time and while they would miss the other parent I am sure they spend more time missing the nrp.

Denying them a possible once in a lifetime opportunity is spiteful.

I loathe my childrens other parent, but if he could offer the children such an experience I would happily let them go.. providing they could ring me if they wanted to and I had accomodation details in case I had an emergency.

I won't let OH take the 2 tiddlers to his mothers for a weekend without me though.. for other reasons entirely.

Children usually love each parent equally so to deny them time with 1 just because they live elsewhere and you don't like them is cruel.. if care isn't an issue they'd be handed some spending money and told to bring me back a present and have a great time and see you soon.

Mojisola

pigpen wrote: »

Denying them a possible once in a lifetime opportunity is spiteful.

Honestly, the 3 year old probably won't even remember the trip!

I can't imagine anyone's life was ruined because they didn't get to go abroad on holiday when they were 3.

Unless the trip abroad is to visit family, there's no reason not to holiday in this country for another year or two and then go abroad when the children are older.

FBaby

pigpen wrote: »

It does sound like sour grapes. I am sure the children would have a fabulous time and while they would miss the other parent I am sure they spend more time missing the nrp.

Denying them a possible once in a lifetime opportunity is spiteful.

How would you know that? I know that my 3yo would have hated going away with his dad to a foreign country for 2 weeks away from me. At 10, he would be over the moon though!