seperated....holidays with kids

duchy

I think with such a recent split then no .... I'd build up to it gradually with short breaks. There is a world of diference between 2 weeks away from "home" but somewhere familiar like the NRP's home and an entirely different enviroment like a hotel room -with different beds, maybe having to share when they don't usually, different routines , dealing with heat etc . Smaller steps would increase the odds of a holiday to remember for all the RIGHT reasons.

duchy

sandraroffey wrote: »

when my sister in law took her youngest to mexico for 6 weeks, my brother had to see a judge and say he allowed her to be taken out of the country.

on the subject of being away from mum for a couple of weeks, my twin grandsons are often at their dads, away from mum, for long weekends, weeks during the school hols and weeks away on holiday with their dad. always in the UK though....

i appreciate that they are 8 now, but this has been happening since they were about 3 and they love it. completely different way of life with dads side of the family. doing different things to what they would do at home with mum. maybe try a holiday in UK for the time being. not to far to get them back home if they get really homesick. a week at butlins or in a caravan is perfect for kids.

This just made me feel sorry for the Mum -that the kids get to do all the fun stuff with Dad whilst she gets all the "have you cleaned your teeth /done your homework" bits.

LiveLoveLaugh

My husband had this issue for years with his ex and their child. We booked 3 holidays, first she point blanked refused to let stepchild come because she said she would miss their child too much although she had taken them on a two week holiday abroad, returned for two weeks then on another holiday abroad without even discussing with my OH, plus usually went on hol every year with their child while we couldn't even have a weekend, other two she said their child could come then changed her mind at the last minute and took child away herself.

Legally you could take child out of country for up to 28 days if you have parental rights and had their passport before she could have you done for child abduction (not sure if this has changed but from experience it was this)....however I wouldn't recommend this, wouldn't look good for you and really isn't the right way to solve the problem....

Our solution was to go to court, have it written in that we could have a two week holiday every year in which mother was to hand over passport.....result is we got to take my step child on first family holiday with us last year finally (only took 10 years!!!)

With regards to the comment about shouldn't be expecting to take child away from primary carer for two weeks.....it's this sort of attitude why some resident parents - mainly mothers - feel they have the right to dictate to nrp's about everything....They are both the parents, equally, regardless of who the child "lives" with, as long as there is no risk to the child then if one can take the child on holiday the other should have just as much right too.....comments like that really make my blood boil!

Heffi1

I don't usually comment on these sorts of threads as I know how heated they can get.

The child in this equation is not a possession to own, they are a person in their own right and have as much say in what happens as the parents. Or they should have.

A parent that would deny their child the opportunity to travel and see new things and places, just because they themselves would worry, really need to take a step back and look at who is the important person in all of this.

The child(ren) should be able to have as many new experiences with both parents while they are growing up.

Ask yourself the question? ~Is the other parent going to harm my child, are they going to take good care of them as I would.

If the answer to both of those questions is yes, then let the child go and have fun. They will come back full of excitement and as their parent you should swallow your own feelings towards the other parent and hear them tell you all about their adventure...


Or you could of course say no not on my watch and let your child miss out altogether and cause even more friction with the other parent.

Your choice

lindsloo

It's not against the law and unless mum can prove the nrp would abscond or is a risk to the children no court would stop it. I would be really pleased for my kids if their dad took them on a holiday, 1 or 2 weeks. If mum doesn't trust dad then she shouldn't have had kids with him in the first place. My 3 year old would have a great time, I would consider them too young unless they were babe in arms or breast fed still.

Mum needs to learn to let go, hope she does without court intervention.

FBaby

Does it involve a new girlfriend too? That would be a key obstacle I would think. When does he intend to go? Does it involve taking the oldest out of school?

jayII

I think it entirely depends on the child, their relationship with their dad and how long they are used to spending with him without their mum.

That said, I also don't think it is a matter of principle. It's natural for the child's mum to be worried.

I'd expect the dad to try to have a civil conversation with his ex, listen to her worries and reassure her about how he plans to manage the situations he is worried about. She may also raise some points he hasn't considered, and make him re-think his plans.

I would say exactly the same if the situation were reversed. I'd imagine that any newly seperated parent is likely to feel emotionally fragile, insecure and be overly anxious about the prospect of their children going away for two weeks with the ex.

OP, try putting yourself in your children's mum's shoes and trying to see things from her perspective. I'm not saying she's right, but understanding her feelings may make it easier to reach a solution with her.

Could you compromise and go next year, when the separation isn't quite so new and raw for everyone, children included?

peachyprice

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FBaby wrote: »

Does it involve a new girlfriend too? That would be a key obstacle I would think. When does he intend to go? Does it involve taking the oldest out of school?

OP has already said there is no new partner involved in post #10.

broonbear wrote: »

I only started out asking if it was against the law and the thread has snowballed a bit, but that's fine . The father sees his kids a couple of times a week and has them Friday to Sunday night . the Florida holiday would include 2 auntys and 2 grandparents. the 8 year old went to Florida when he was 3 and a half and can still remember going. They split just after xmas.

So they pretty much have 50/50 shared care and are travelling with extended family. TBH, I really can't see a problem with this, it's not as if they rarely see their dad, and I can't see any reason why they would miss their mother more than they would miss their dad if he went without them for 2 weeks.

It may well be worth pointing out to the mother that if she goes to court to prevent the father taking the children out of the country for this holiday she won't be able to take them on overseas holidays either until they are 16, it's a two way street.

jayII

broonbear wrote: »

I only started out asking if it was against the law and the thread has snowballed a bit, but that's fine . The father sees his kids a couple of times a week and has them Friday to Sunday night . the Florida holiday would include 2 auntys and 2 grandparents. the 8 year old went to Florida when he was 3 and a half and can still remember going. They split just after xmas.

How many Friday to Sunday nights? Monthly, weekly?

Is the 3 year old desperate to get back to mum on Sunday or perfectly content with dad?

Once a month and the little one (or both children) pining for mum by Sunday, is very different from once a month (or more) and the little one perfectly happy with dad.

So much depends on the child(ren) and their relationship with their dad.

Person_one

I think its far too soon after the split. The children have been through a lot and they've got a new and different life to get used to. I think its probably too much too soon for everybody concerned.

Florida isn't really a suitable holiday for a three year old anyway. The heat, the mosquitoes, the long days walking round theme parks, the terrible food, the fact that they'll have to spend an awful lot of time waiting around while the older child goes on bigger rides, the long flight there and back (and you're also in the airport for hours either side flying to the US), the jet lag coming back.

It just makes far more sense to save Florida for a few years time when it will be easier on everyone and more appropriate.