Dad getting CAT scan results - sister not going with him!

Nicki

SuzieSue wrote: »

I remember that and it is nothing like Andy's situation. For a start, the OP had her own house and wasn't freeloading off her father and wasn't asking the father to move further away from her brother so that she could go shopping.

It was like the situation being described in this thread in that there was a 50 year old woman living close to the elderly but reasonably independent parents and undertaking no or very few caring responsibilities, and a brother living a long drive away who felt that she should be doing more caring than she did (with an eye to the near future when one parent was likely to die leaving a dependent mother).
So other than the fact that the OP in that thread did not live in the parents house it was the same situation.

Not sure why you are so aggressively invested in this thread, and given that you have objected twice to people presuming things not in evidence, how you have come to the conclusion that the sister here is "freeloading" because she lives with the parent. As she has worked until fairly recently according to OP, she almost certainly gets benefits of some sort or other and these may well go into the family kitty to buy the ready made meals and other items for the house.

SuzieSue

Nicki wrote: »

I

Not sure why you are so aggressively invested in this thread,

Because of all the grief the OP was getting simply for caring about his father. He ended up having to shout so I just wanted to show him that there are people out there who sympathise with him.

Cherry_Bomb

Nicki wrote: »

It was like the situation being described in this thread in that there was a 50 year old woman living close to the elderly but reasonably independent parents and undertaking no or very few caring responsibilities, and a brother living a long drive away who felt that she should be doing more caring than she did (with an eye to the near future when one parent was likely to die leaving a dependent mother).
So other than the fact that the OP in that thread did not live in the parents house it was the same situation.

Not sure why you are so aggressively invested in this thread, and given that you have objected twice to people presuming things not in evidence, how you have come to the conclusion that the sister here is "freeloading" because she lives with the parent. As she has worked until fairly recently according to OP, she almost certainly gets benefits of some sort or other and these may well go into the family kitty to buy the ready made meals and other items for the house.

I love how the ready meal situation is being quoted as though this 83 year old man should be grateful he's being fed nothing but carp!

Had the OP started a thread about his sister (who doesn't work so should have time on her hands to cook from scratch) feeding this elderly man nothing but ready meals there would be outrage.

poet123

I thought about that thread too.

I think that there are always two sides to every story.

The OP may well be right about his sister, equally, he may be missing the detail of her life. We do know she has been sacked, is only 50ish and yet seems to have no life. Can't be easy, she could be depressed or idle.

The only thing we do know is that if the OP is so very concerned about his dad he needs to move closer or move his dad in with him or in some other way ensure he is more a part of his life. That won't be easy either.

Violetta_2

So glad your dad's results are clear, think you need to have a long honest talk with your dad & find out if he's happy with how thing's are currently. Not sure it's a great idea for him to be moving if he is starting to have memory issues. All the best with what is a difficult situation.

Pthree

Did I miss the part where the OP answered about his Dad living with (or closer to) him instead?

lostinrates

I have a live in parent for who I have cared after operation recovery, and who last year found themselves having to care for me.

I can tell you, if you are independent characters...which often happens in multigenerational households, these are the times it can be very, very difficult. Both my parent and I like to be highly independent as regards transport, both dislike being driven. I did collect my parent after a GA, but I did not go to the ward to collect (not least because they want to discharge to the quick pickup/drop off place where you cannot leave a car, so I called the ward).


For me, having to be driven when my sight was failing was one of the hardest things ever. Neither my live in, nor my non resident parent gets the full details of my diagnoses, because that is what I prefer. If dh and I become more reliant on them for my care needs in the future we might have to reconsider that, but it would be abhorrent to me.

Part of the problem here might be one of perspective. If op is part of a couple with strong loving bonds, or feels more able to discuss health with his parent it might be because there is not the same 'intimacy' of living environment which gives space to these discussions, and that he has support of someone else to share the burdens with.

Having a good old rant about it here is no bad thing, but trying to understand perspective is only ever our own is also pretty valuable IMO.

andygb

poet123 wrote: »

I thought about that thread too.

I think that there are always two sides to every story.

The OP may well be right about his sister, equally, he may be missing the detail of her life. We do know she has been sacked, is only 50ish and yet seems to have no life. Can't be easy, she could be depressed or idle.

The only thing we do know is that if the OP is so very concerned about his dad he needs to move closer or move his dad in with him or in some other way ensure he is more a part of his life. That won't be easy either.

My dad is the home owner, and my sister was sacked because of her hygiene levels and attitude towards clients and relations.
My sister constantly runs down everything about my wife and I, including the fact that I am out of work. When they moved in 2007 to a place 50 miles away, he had to forego everything which he enjoyed - walking, golf and us. We are not made welcome in the house by my sister, and we have given up on Christmas and birthday presents because of the constant criticism. We wanted to take my dad out to a restaurant for his 80th, and were put off by my sister, who said that was not the sort of thing that he enjoyed. The next thing you know, she is showing off how she has taken them out to a Michelin starred restaurant.
Two years ago, we gave my sister an expensive digital camera for Christmas, and a year later she complained that it didn't work - why not mention it at the time?
We gave my late mother a bunch of Mothering Day flowers from John Lewis and about six months later, the sister complained that they were wilted, no good - why not complain at the time?

angelbob

andygb wrote: »

Correct, she is not my dad's carer, she lives in the house but does no work around the house, no gardening, no cleaning, and feeds my dad on instant meals.
She normally does not get out of bed before ten in the morning - which is why I tend to phone my dad before that time. She has blocked calls before and has failed to pass on messages to him.
With regard to the 500 mile round trip, this was not an attempt to "big myself up" it was out of genuine concern, as the hospital had specifically said that under no circumstance should anyone drive after the operation. My sister did not want to organise a taxi for him, so that is why I did it.

Why don't you have your dad live with you then, you moved away that was your choice

duchy

Perhaps Dad doesn't want to though ?
It seems Dad and sister are fine with the situation -it's Andy who isn't.