Dad getting CAT scan results - sister not going with him!

Pthree

Ok I have removed my post as I am obviously still a little bitter many years later about the way certain members of my "family" treated me.

Yet, I have read through the thread again and I still fail to see the OP actually prepared to do anything about the situation other than moan about his sister.


I know if I thought one of my parents was not looking being cared for adequately or being taken of advantage of I would move mountains to stop it, not just have a b&tch about it.

Suki, I would appreciate it if you remove my quoted post from your message.

SuzieSue

Pthree wrote: »

Ok I have removed my post as I am obviously still a little bitter many years later about the way certain members of my "family" treated me.

Yet, I have read through the thread again and I still fail to see the OP actually prepared to do anything about the situation other than moan about his sister.


I know if I thought one of my parents was not looking being cared for adequately or being taken of advantage of I would move mountains to stop it, not just have a b&tch about it.

Suki, I would appreciate it if you remove my quoted post from your message.

I totally sympathise with you - in most families one person is dumped upon to look after the elderly parent and it is indeed a thankless task that one person should never have to do on their own.

If the OP's father was living on his own then it would be much easier for the OP to do something about the situation. However with the OP's sister in the picture anything the OP does will be very difficult.

SuzieSue

Pthree wrote: »

Ok I have removed my post as I am obviously still a little bitter many years later about the way certain members of my "family" treated me.

Yet, I have read through the thread again and I still fail to see the OP actually prepared to do anything about the situation other than moan about his sister.


I know if I thought one of my parents was not looking being cared for adequately or being taken of advantage of I would move mountains to stop it, not just have a b&tch about it.

Suki, I would appreciate it if you remove my quoted post from your message.

And you're not a total cow. Any one who has taken on any sort of caring responsibilities will understand how you feel.

suki1001

Pthree wrote: »

Ok I have removed my post as I am obviously still a little bitter many years later about the way certain members of my "family" treated me.

Yet, I have read through the thread again and I still fail to see the OP actually prepared to do anything about the situation other than moan about his sister.


I know if I thought one of my parents was not looking being cared for adequately or being taken of advantage of I would move mountains to stop it, not just have a b&tch about it.

Suki, I would appreciate it if you remove my quoted post from your message.

Okay, what comes across to me is the breakdown with his sister is going to cloud his judgement of his sister's treatment to his father. I understand from experience how hard it can be to be the carer, but although his sister might be doing a good job, I think he feels pretty powerless to do anything and I think he would like to do more, but feels he isn't able to.
Mainly because his father has the ultimate say so and rightly so, so you can't move mountains.


I know when I was looking after my Grandmother, that it was very difficult for other people to help because of distance etc and yes sometimes I didn't always get it right and it is hard when people criticise you.

Lets just say there is an element of truth with his sister - what realistically could he do?

suki1001

SuzieSue wrote: »

I totally sympathise with you - in most families one person is dumped upon to look after the elderly parent and it is indeed a thankless task that one person should never have to do on their own.

If the OP's father was living on his own then it would be much easier for the OP to do something about the situation. However with the OP's sister in the picture anything the OP does will be very difficult.

In this case it is also different I think because the sister always seems to have lived with the parents, rather than taking a caring role later in life. The father could independently live on his own by the sounds of it which does seem to make it a different scenario.

andygb

Pthree wrote: »

Ok I have removed my post as I am obviously still a little bitter many years later about the way certain members of my "family" treated me.

Yet, I have read through the thread again and I still fail to see the OP actually prepared to do anything about the situation other than moan about his sister.


I know if I thought one of my parents was not looking being cared for adequately or being taken of advantage of I would move mountains to stop it, not just have a b&tch about it.

Suki, I would appreciate it if you remove my quoted post from your message.

I didn't get to see your original comment, probably just as well.
What do you suggest I do about it, considering that my sister obviously has some hold over my dad?
She isn't my dad's carer, she is a !!!!!!!!!!.
To be perfectly honest I think that I will just walk away from the situation and leave them to it.

Pthree

suki1001 wrote: »

I know when I was looking after my Grandmother, that it was very difficult for other people to help because of distance etc and yes sometimes I didn't always get it right and it is hard when people criticise you.

Lets just say there is an element of truth with his sister - what realistically could he do?

It was my Grandmother I looked after, went to visit her for a weekend and stayed 12 months.

My Mother said the reaction from certain members of the family was down to guilt of them all knowing her situation (and being a lot closer, 2 streets away in one case) and doing nothing about it.

Perhaps this is the OP's issue, feeling he is not spending enought ime with his father whereas his sister is?

What can he do??

He can try to do whatever we wants the outcome to be, but I stand by what I said in my earlier post.

There appear to be lots of "reasons" why he can’t do anything about it, yet as far I can see, he really hasn’t really tried.

RAS

andygb wrote: »

I didn't get to see your original comment, probably just as well.
What do you suggest I do about it, considering that my sister obviously has some hold over my dad?
She isn't my dad's carer, she is a !!!!!!!!!!.
To be perfectly honest I think that I will just walk away from the situation and leave them to it.

Have you spoken to Elder Abuse (because this does seem to be borderline) and Age UK.

Soory have not read the whole thread but what was the outcome of the scan? Has dad ever arranged a Power of Attorney if he loses his marbles? If so who is the attorney?

suki1001

Pthree wrote: »

It was my Grandmother I looked after, went to visit her for a weekend and stayed 12 months.

My Mother said the reaction from certain members of the family was down to guilt of them all knowing her situation (and being a lot closer, 2 streets away in one case) and doing nothing about it.

Perhaps this is the OP's issue, feeling he is not spending enought ime with his father whereas his sister is?

What can he do??

He can try to do whatever we wants the outcome to be, but I stand by what I said in my earlier post.

There appear to be lots of "reasons" why he can’t do anything about it, yet as far I can see, he really hasn’t really tried.

I'll re-itterate, this situation isn't the same. It's not the same as for example when I became a carer from my grandmother. She needed me to be around and requested it. This is a fully independent dad who can still get himself about and at 83 sounds like he's doing well. Families are very complicated, I don't think its as simple of stepping in there and doing something about it. I wouldn't know where to start myself.

Lets say you roll back 20 years and the sister was there (which it sounds like she might have been), I'm sure people would have far less sympathy for the sister, but really it's no different (I don't think). A fully independent parent with an adult child who hasn't moved out of home.

RAS

Pthree wrote: »

It was my Grandmother I looked after, went to visit her for a weekend and stayed 12 months.

My Mother said the reaction from certain members of the family was down to guilt of them all knowing her situation (and being a lot closer, 2 streets away in one case) and doing nothing about it.

Perhaps this is the OP's issue, feeling he is not spending enought ime with his father whereas his sister is?

What can he do??

He can try to do whatever we wants the outcome to be, but I stand by what I said in my earlier post.

There appear to be lots of "reasons" why he can’t do anything about it, yet as far I can see, he really hasn’t really tried.

This is a very different situation; the older person is living independently and the sister is not moving in to care for him.

having already removed on p[ost, you think it fit to then repeat some of the content?

Rather than projecting the issues that you have on to another poster and subjecting him to cod-psychology, perhaps you could start your own thread about your own experinces? And leave the Op alone?