Dad getting CAT scan results - sister not going with him!

Pthree

I give up.................

suki1001

andygb wrote: »

I didn't get to see your original comment, probably just as well.
What do you suggest I do about it, considering that my sister obviously has some hold over my dad?
She isn't my dad's carer, she is a !!!!!!!!!!.
To be perfectly honest I think that I will just walk away from the situation and leave them to it.

Andy, I think if you contact the people above like RAS has suggested, they might have some idea what you can do. It's worth getting some advice from them and they'll come across this situation all the time.

I think it would be a shame if you stopped contact with your dad and I'm sure he wouldn't want you to.

andygb

RAS wrote: »

Have you spoken to Elder Abuse (because this does seem to be borderline) and Age UK.

Soory have not read the whole thread but what was the outcome of the scan? Has dad ever arranged a Power of Attorney if he loses his marbles? If so who is the attorney?

I did contact age concern last year, and the said try Age UK, however they just did not have enough to go on. The power of attorney is a difficult one, because my dad just will not speak about anything like that.
I do however get the impression (from what my father said last year regarding a relative's will), that my sister is very good at sorting out all the paperwork with solicitors due her work as a carer. This has me very worried, because why would a carer be sorting out that sort of paperwork?

Acc72

RAS wrote: »

Have you spoken to Elder Abuse (because this does seem to be borderline) and Age UK.

Soory have not read the whole thread

You haven't read the thread in full yet you believe that there may be some kind of "borderline abuse" ?

Acc72

andygb wrote: »

She isn't my dad's carer, she is a !!!!!!!!!!.

To be perfectly honest I think that I will just walk away from the situation and leave them to it.

To be honest, you may come accross as the absent sibling who is very quick to criticize yet not as quick to help or to provide a solution.

With regards to your second comment :

- You are a grown adult
- You live 50 miles away (not in Australia)
- You do not work so have time to visit

RAS

I would also be rather worried about carers sorting out paperwork.

Could you give the Public Guardian's office a ring? I think that under the new scheme, they would know if dad has set up a POA. They might be able to tell you?

What you may need to do is make the effort to see dad more often if possible so you can monitor his mental capacity. Make yourself known to the professionals who are monitoring him by taking him to appointments if possible.

if you think his capacity is such that he can no longer make decsions speak to the professional and then try and get appointed as his deputy rather than sister.

Do you know to what extent she contributes financially and practically to the house?

RAS

Acc72 wrote: »

You haven't read the thread in full yet you believe that there may be some kind of "borderline abuse" ?

Becasue I have read the bulk of the thread (not all).

CH27

andygb wrote: »

I did contact age concern last year, and the said try Age UK, however they just did not have enough to go on. The power of attorney is a difficult one, because my dad just will not speak about anything like that.
I do however get the impression (from what my father said last year regarding a relative's will), that my sister is very good at sorting out all the paperwork with solicitors due her work as a carer. This has me very worried, because why would a carer be sorting out that sort of paperwork?

I did ask you earlier if you see your dad alone?

andygb

CH27 wrote: »

I did ask you earlier if you see your dad alone?

Very difficult with my sister around and not working. We visited at Christmas and my sister was continually trying to break up conversation between us.

andygb

Acc72 wrote: »

To be honest, you may come accross as the absent sibling who is very quick to criticize yet not as quick to help or to provide a solution.

With regards to your second comment :

- You are a grown adult
- You live 50 miles away (not in Australia)
- You do not work so have time to visit

We are overdrawn every month, yet we visit them, not the other way around. I cannot afford a round trip of 100 miles every week with the cost of fuel.
It costs us £250 a month just so that my wife can get to work.
We get no benefits despite the fact that I worked for 30 years, so if you feel that you have anything constructive to offer then please continue.