Dad getting CAT scan results - sister not going with him!

Goldiegirl

Well, he sounds independant and active - perhaps he just wanted to get his results by himself.

Perhaps your dad and your sister are happy with the status quo in the house.

If you are worried that he doesn't get enough home cooking, why not just take some food parcels with you when you visit, if your dad wants them

Tish_P

You didn't say before that your sister had been sacked. You repeatedly said "she is a carer," using the present tense. It's entirely understandable that people were confused, and yelling HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU makes you come across as unreasonable, unstable and unpleasant. If that's the side of you that your aunt is seeing, no wonder she is being short and uncooperative.

System

Well i must go against what most of you think. No way any family member of mine would have gone to the hospital to collect test results on their own. I'd have stayed in the waiting room if they had wanted me to but i'd have gone with them anyway.

Saying that, my family members wouldnt havent kicked up a fuss they would have appreciated it.

Cherry_Bomb

Tish_P wrote: »

You didn't say before that your sister had been sacked. You repeatedly said "she is a carer," using the present tense. It's entirely understandable that people were confused, and yelling HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU makes you come across as unreasonable, unstable and unpleasant. If that's the side of you that your aunt is seeing, no wonder she is being short and uncooperative.

But he didn't say she is a carer for their dad. He said other people. Some posters have just assumed that she cares for their dad also and jumped to the defence of the 'poor worn out sister who doesn't get a break'

I can completely understand the OP's annoyance.

mrcow

She sounds like a very selfish and uncaring free loader.

I can sympathise with your frustrations. As to what can be done about it, i guess that unless you speak to your father and persuade him to move nearer to you, or you move yourself there is little that you can do if he doesn't currently want any extra help?

If she wants to stay where she can shop, well i guess no one is forcing her to move with him. She can find her own accodmodation.

Cabbagewhite

Firstly, to say that the nurses wouldn't discharge him if they knew he was going to drive - they can not stop him. When I had a GA my husband had to come up to the ward, before they let me go. When my Dad had GA at a different hospital, he drove home afterwards, same day - staff didn't care. Caring for elderly parents at a distance is difficult, especially as mine chose not to move closer when they could have. I have a 50 mile round trip, hour and a half travelling. Not easy when I work nights, my husband works very long hours often 6 or even 7 days a week, plus we have young children. I depend on her very good neighbours and her cleaner/home help for any day to day things. I speak to her at least once a day on the phone, but only see her a couple of times a month. We have had mix ups with medical issues. She told us she was having test to do with her heart, turned out she was very anaemic. It doesn't get any easier as time goes along.

The one thing I would say is that your sister is showing classical signs of depression. My Dad suffered with depression for years, but it wasn't until I had depression myself that I could really begin to understand it at all. Regardless of what has happened in the past, make friends with her. Offer your support. If your Father is manipulated by her, then it would surely pay to be on good terms with her. I would say your Father at least recognises that your sister is not as she should be. Perhaps talk to him about her. As this may be of some concern to him, as he may in effect be her carer to some extent.

Caroline73_2

andygb wrote: »

Because he didn't want to book a taxi or catch a bus, and my sister - an "experienced" carer was going to go along with that.

It reads to me that your father was being a bit stubborn about how he was getting home. He might not have wanted a taxi home but he would've needed one. Is there any chance your sister knew this and had discussed it with your father, but he wouldn't budge?

It's not unheard of in my experience.

SuzieSue

mrcow wrote: »

She sounds like a very selfish and uncaring free loader.

I can sympathise with your frustrations. As to what can be done about it, i guess that unless you speak to your father and persuade him to move nearer to you, or you move yourself there is little that you can do if he doesn't currently want any extra help?

If she wants to stay where she can shop, well i guess no one is forcing her to move with him. She can find her own accodmodation.

At last, someone saying something sensible instead of blaming the OP for caring about his father.

OP, a lot of people on this forum always blame the OP for interfering so it is best to just ignore them. I bet you wish you hadn't posted!

Person_one

Cherry_Bomb wrote: »

But he didn't say she is a carer for their dad. He said other people. Some posters have just assumed that she cares for their dad also and jumped to the defence of the 'poor worn out sister who doesn't get a break'

I can completely understand the OP's annoyance.

Its a bit confusing when he keeps saying she isn't his carer but then complains about the fact that she doesn't care for him well enough!

mrcow

Person_one wrote: »

Its a bit confusing when he keeps saying she isn't his carer but then complains about the fact that she doesn't care for him well enough!

You don't have to be a "carer" to be able to care for someone.

If you live with someone who is 80, you can support them and be there for when they need you (for example after having an operation or cooking them a decent meal when you're cooking for yourself).

That doesn't make you a "carer" in the known sense of the word. It just makes you normal. Especially if that person is your Dad. I do the same for my husband. It doesn't make me his carer - just part of his family.