So say you were getting married..

quinechinoise

megan01 wrote: »

The reason I don't want alcohol there is because the last time I had alcohol something bad happened to me, which I don't want to be reminded of and hence why I don't like going out to bars or clubs or anything also...

megan01 wrote: »

Yes I am receiving psychodynamic therapy for this, I have been for the past three years.

This sounds significant and is much more important than the drinking habits of your potential wedding guests.

You will never get your wedding day back - it is a one-off event - so it's important to be able to participate in the day without any trauma.

If the presence of alcohol and people consuming alcohol is a trigger for your... pain, then remove it entirely. In fact, I suggest you consider hosting your wedding in a venue with no access to alcohol - perhaps a village hall? And planning an early event - afternoon tea or a traditional breakfast (in the morning or midday instead of the modern teatime event) - would also avoid bad associations.

I, a complete stranger, am sorry for your ongoing distress. I would therefore assume that anyone close enough to be invited to your wedding would also value your wellbeing above the option to consume alcohol. Be well. x

megan01

quinechinoise wrote: »

This sounds significant and is much more important than the drinking habits of your potential wedding guests.

You will never get your wedding day back - it is a one-off event - so it's important to be able to participate in the day without any trauma.

If the presence of alcohol and people consuming alcohol is a trigger for your... pain, then remove it entirely. In fact, I suggest you consider hosting your wedding in a venue with no access to alcohol - perhaps a village hall? And planning an early event - afternoon tea or a traditional breakfast (in the morning or midday instead of the modern teatime event) - would also avoid bad associations.

I, a complete stranger, am sorry for your ongoing distress. I would therefore assume that anyone close enough to be invited to your wedding would also value your wellbeing above the option to consume alcohol. Be well. x

You have no idea how much it means to me to hear a complete stranger who doesn't know anything about what happened to be able to look objectively and say that, thankyou so much.

claire16c

Spendless wrote: »

I'm another one who has never been to a wedding that has a free bar and I've attended plenty of weddings. A drink on arrival -yes. Wine/champagne to toast the bride and groom - yes. Drinks provided for during the course of the meal wine/soft drinks/tea/coffee- sometimes. The rest of the drinks - a paying bar.

The only free bar I've ever been to other than for corporote events was after my Grandad's funeral and he certainly wasn't irish-lol and I thought my Nan was nutty for offerring it.

OP_ Is a free bar usual within your community/family and friends at a wedding?

This is what I've always experienced.

Drink at the start of the reception usually champagne or a soft drink, then wine & water with the meal & another glass of bubbly, then only after that do you pay for drinks.

Surely no one would charge for the drinks you eat with the meal? How would that even work?

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

I think this should be in the same league as imposing a dress code on your guests. As someone else said, they are your guests, they're not in-mates, you can't demand that they wear what you want or drink what you want without a few people being put out. I know I would be.

It's alcohol, it's not like your guests will be doing coke lines during the dinner. People are allowed to have a drink , it's not their fault that you've got issues.

mixenvixen

I'd have no problems going to a dry wedding. I'd think someone was a little sad to be honest if they felt they couldn't go one night without a stimulant. Also I'd think someone was a little deranged if they couldn't go one night without meat... Or a cat.

I'm having both meat and drink at my wedding. Some of my friends are really into heavy metal. Me and my OH are not. I just hope and pray that they will still come to and enjoy my wedding- despite the fact that I'm not paying for a heavy metal band.

Ladyhawk

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

People are allowed to have a drink , it's not their fault that you've got issues.

That's a disgraceful thing to say!

One would hope that if you are going to enjoy the hospitality of the bride and groom, then to appreciate that one of them has issues and respect them enough to go along with their wishes. If you don't respect them enough, then what are you doing at their wedding in the first place?

Spendless

claire16c wrote: »

This is what I've always experienced.

Drink at the start of the reception usually champagne or a soft drink, then wine & water with the meal & another glass of bubbly, then only after that do you pay for drinks.

Surely no one would charge for the drinks you eat with the meal? How would that even work?

The ones I've attended where you didn't, no drinks were provided during the course of the meal. You'd get a drink as you walked into the reception after greeting bridal party, traditionally sherry but in more recent times a sparkling wine, champagne or on one occassion Pimms. The next time you'd be given a free drink is when wine or champagne came round for you to toast the bride and groom. The rest of the time if you wanted any drinks including during the meal you would either have to go to a pay bar and get them or the waiter would serve and you'd pay [the waiter]at the table. Admittedly this was more the case when I was a lot younger and wine wasn't as common place.

Girlzmum

It is your wedding day and you must do whatever you and your future husband want!

I have been to a dry wedding and had a brilliant day, it is seeing the bride and groom unite that is the important thing about a wedding day and not the amount of drink people can consume.

burnoutbabe

Spendless wrote: »

The ones I've attended where you didn't, no drinks were provided during the course of the meal. You'd get a drink as you walked into the reception after greeting bridal party, traditionally sherry but in more recent times a sparkling wine, champagne or on one occassion Pimms. The next time you'd be given a free drink is when wine or champagne came round for you to toast the bride and groom. The rest of the time if you wanted any drinks including during the meal you would either have to go to a pay bar and get them or the waiter would serve and you'd pay [the waiter]at the table. Admittedly this was more the case when I was a lot younger and wine wasn't as common place.

so nothing to drink during the meal, not even a soft drink (unless you bought it yourself). A drink (even if just water) is usually part of any meal surely.

Torry_Quine

fluffnutter wrote: »

You've been to some bad weddings.



Me too. :T Free bar all the way. I didn't want anyone to put their hand in their pocket all night. Free transport from the church to the reception, then home again too so that people didn't have to pay for taxis or drive. They're GUESTS! Treat them well.

As you'll see it's not unusual to have to buy your won drinks. I certainly wouldn't determine whether it was a good wedding by the amount of free drink!