Son not inviting all cousin to his wedding?

rose28454

My son and fiance are getting married in September. They are paying most of the cost themselves with a small contribution from my husband and I and her dad.
Son called me today to as me for some addresses and email addresses to send save the date cards. Now my son is close to his 4 girl cousins on my side ( including an 8 year old - the only child going) but not very close to his 2 cousins on his Dad's side or their parents ( my husband's only brother).
When I asked who he was inviting he said my 2 sisters, my sisters husband, my younger brother and his wife and little girl, and his 3 cousins and their partners. Now one of those is getting married the previous weekend so will probably not come cause she will be on her honeymoon. He is not too keen to invite my oldest brother and wife ( the parents of 3 of the girls) as they dont speak to me and he does not have much to do with them either.
Then we got to the subject of his Dads side and as his fiance has not even met any of them he does not want to invite any of them ( other than his grandparents). I said I was not sure what his father would say and we discussed it further and it appears they are having a few more people to the evening do and proposed inviting his father's brother and wife to the actual wedding and their children and partners to the evening do.
My husband went mad when i told him and even said he would not come himself if his family were not treated the same as mine.

What do others think??

thorsoak

This is your son's wedding - he and his fiancee should be able to chose who they invite.

Person_one

Your husband needs to be reminded that its not up to him who gets invited and that its very immature to start stamping his feet about it.

If they aren't close to the cousins, then they aren't close.

scotnan

I think it's their wedding, they're paying for it (well the vast majority of it) and they can invite whoever they want .

Personally I think there's too much pressure put on couples sometimes to invite family they neither see regularly nor even like in some cases just because mum/dad/granny or whoever thinks that they should be invited.

The couple will invite whoever they want to be part of this very special day with and I really don't think it's fair to put pressure on them to invite people they don't want to - it is their day after all.

Kayalana99

Sounds like your ex is more concerned about getting treated the same as you then actally wanting his family to go to the wedding.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Is it your husband getting married?

If not, he needs to butt out before your son decides that he's only going to invite you and not him.

rose28454

I agree with both replies. Dont now how to talk to him about it. He was a really bad alcoholic for the last 30 years but has been sober for 5. He kind of thinks we should all keep him sweet to keep him sober. Both my children do not have that many happy memories of childhood and I would like this occasion be exactly what my son and his fiance want and not be what his Dad wants.

thegirlintheattic

Going against the grain I think it's a bad idea not to invite family and may put a strain on family relationships.

Blood is thicker than water.

moromir

I'm afraid I'm going against the grain and agreeing with dad.

Weddings are a joyous occasion and if your son isn't close to part of his family thats a real shame and his wedding is an amazing opportunity to reconnect and share this with his family.

NB Assuming they haven't done anything horrendous to deserve being cast out!

If it is simply an issue of cost, would son invite if you/dad paid for the extra meals/invites or whatever would be the extra cost of inviting them?

pigpen

I think it has nothing to do with you or his dad.. it is their wedding and they will invite people who are important to them.

I think it is awful when parents try to dictate who should be invited to their childrens weddings!

rose28454

Kayalana99 wrote: »

Sounds like your ex is more concerned about getting treated the same as you then actally wanting his family to go to the wedding.

If you see the previous reply wrote you can maybe understand why he is like he is. When our son graduated hubby sucessfully ruined the day by drinking and crashing our hire car and we ended up just making the ceremony and missing the rest as we had to sort out the car that had been towed away. Will try to talk to him over the weekend about it.
He is always moaning that his children contact me more than him. They do mainly because I was the one who was always there for them and they are very protective of me.