Buffy takes babysteps.

Buffythedebtslayer

Hello all,

Rotten week at work drawing to a close tomorrow. I am SO glad to be going. to be free of it all. just wrote a lesson for tomorrow and it's good and everything but will be pleased when I don't have to do it.


was going to write more but got distracted.

The horror of facebook

Night xx

Buffythedebtslayer

I am on half term.

I have clean fish tanks and so far no fish have died.

It was LOVELY to see the man this weekend.

And I am watching Graham Norton. One of my favourite shows.

I am trying to move on from work and feeling tangled up with it all. Tomorrow I have work, lunch, work, Wednesday I have work in the evening. oh and Thursday I have extra tuition. I am a bit annoyed to be working SO much. but must think of the money.

xxxx

Buffythedebtslayer

Just the update from the May thread.

Well May has been a disaster in many ways and in other way fantastic.

Negatives

I totally failed the challenge, have gone over budgets with unexpected spends. Essentially the boyfriend's ex wife changed the childcare arrangements and we had an unexpected weekend away and as originally the one weekend we did
have was going to be the only one for 6 weeks I went a bit mad
spending wise anyway and yeah..........well. not planned and not good.

have finished the month in credit only by using ALL my little pots of cash for regular spends. only paid 500 pounds off the debt.

not had a great time at work..

not been very well - very poor diet.

Positives
Part of the reason for the no money is that I paid off my cc - the one I use for my monthly spends and pay off and spend on again - however I HAVE NOT used it again.


I did have my little pots which have rescued me.


I have given my notice in - this feels amazing however it has made it very clear who my friends are - see above, so work is going to be tough for the next two months. But that just brings it home how much I need to leave.

things are going fairly well I guess, am a bit shaken by things at work but am strangely pleased with the sorting out I have done - moved 4000 of debt on to
my 0% credit card, next payment for that is 24 June - I think I can ring to get that changed though so it is nearer the start of the month. The loan itself will be paid off by the time I am finished at work, the cc will be just about under 4000 and then once I have a job secure (!) temping (!!) I will work on paying
that off.

anyhow I should go do something constructive.

beanielou

Take some time to take care of you Buffy.

Wol2

And give the piggies an extra cuddle!

I've got some work invigilating the GCSE's at my local school this summer. Never EVER done anything with schools/kids since I was one myself many years ago!

The responsibility I have felt to ensure these kids got every chance to pass their exams has me kacking my pants in fear I might be too slow at handing out the black biros or extra paper.

I now have a massive admiration for all you teachers Buffy.......

It's clear that a lot of your stress is because you want to "do right" by the pupils..but can't in your current environment....although I would also second Taxi's comments that maybe your current living arrangements might also be a major factor.

I applaud you in making the decision to give up your current job - it's hard for some people to understand, especially if you have nothing to go to.....but when something is SO toxic, sometimes it really is the BEST option for your long term health and happiness. Go Girlie!

I have had some thoughts and will PM you sometime this week.

Much love
Wol and Piggies
xxxx

satchmo1

[IMG]http://C:\Users\Public\Pictures\Sample Pictures[/IMG]

Still reading from about page 5, but wanted to send you a big hug, lots of support, and a recommendation to ask GP for a recommendation to a counsellor who works in the field of "Human Givens" ... "Your physical & emotional needs are important for a healthy well being & state of mind. Human Givens use a natural & holistic approach to human needs". My DH's psychiatrist reckons it is the best solution for long term depression. DH has been able to step back from the abyss since starting this approach - previously he would have drowned in the black sea, and made both our lives hell.

Sun_Addict

Hi buffy how are you doing?

The good thing is you have some positives on your earlier post and there are more positives than negatives! So not as bad as you think! Onwards and upwards!

Buffythedebtslayer

Oh Wol so lovely to see you! xxxx and thank you for the pm xxxx

and SA xxxxx have posted on your diary


And Satchamo - at some point things improve honest

Today is a bust, horrible upset tummy and sore throat. !!!!ed off completely! as have tutoring at 4 and had SO much to do. plus no shoes for the wedding. well I have shoes. but you know. Am trying to be MSE. I bought a bag from Asda (last of the classy birds me!!) £4.

wanted to move the guinea pigs into their hutch. but it has rained.


Pay day cannot come quick enough.

hope it isn't raining where you are

xx

Buffythedebtslayer

I am a mix of feelings today.

1. I don't feel very well. Been fending off a sore throat thing all week. And I think I am having palpitations! or wind! just feel odd.

2. As well as that I have totally skinted myself this month. Makes me realise that not have a job in a few months is going to be a bit scary! and means I can't really move out - not for a while.

3. Then I start to think crazy thoughts good crazy not bad crazy.

I have seen a number of my friends change their lives over the past few years. People do it. So why can't I? I now feel I have possibilities. Now I have left my awful job I feel more positive about the future. On some level I do know it is possible.

---

However I am not positive about the now. I am tired and frequently ill. The house is a mess. Mum is a worry. The dogs are a worry. I can't seem to sort out stuff like I used it. I didn't used to live in a tip.

I must say the state of the house is what is REALLY getting me down.

I wasn't supposed to see the Man last weekend and had planned to sort out the Gps and then my room and the conservatory. Poor Mum. I keep telling her I will do it but it is like a giant puzzle and although this is a total excuse it is so slow doing stuff with the dogs. I can't put the GPs in the run downstairs. if I put them in the hall upstairs the dogs whine. Eventually they get bored (I did it when Mum was away) but Mum hates them being upset. To be fair it takes awhile for them to get bored and they are good at whining.

You can't leave things on the floor - so marking downstairs is out. table is now never clear. Although with me the dogs understand no and they are getting better you can't really rely on them! They still turn up with a shoe or a stray piece of post.

For example Mum can't leave them downstairs without them whining, so she doesn't do her filing or tidying upstairs - spare room is now a giant cupboard of crap(well ironing and paperwork). Now there is no temp space to put things if I wanted to move furniture round.

I fully appreciate the only way to get over the whining and fuss is to train them but from the start we haven't had a consistent approach at all and although I happily leave them in the kitchen when it is just me or out in the garden and let them whine Mum refuses to upset them. it is ridiculous. they run the house!!

Just really thought I would have time in the holidays. going away for a wedding tomorrow. wish I wasn't. oh I am so depressed today! Wish I didn't have tuition. could have made a start in my awful room.

Wish wish wish!! Am annoying myself now! :rotfl:


Right so after that mass rant what am I going to do?

1. Eat lunch - am hungry!
2. change sheets.
3. clean out piggies
4. hoover room.
5. mark a set of assessments.
6. tutor.
7. Morrison's for a few bits (wine, porridge, fish and chips meal for Mum)
8. clean out car. really must.

Tomorrow.

1. go to the bank - close extra accounts.
2. pay back money to new improved pots. Now I am working on limited income a fresh approach is needed.
3. Pack
4. get petrol
5. go to wedding.
6. get drunk.

Saturday
1. coffee out with my friend - I will need it post wedding.
2. one box of crap from under the bed/desk.
3. set of assignments.
4. set of assignments.

Sunday

1. prep week at work.
2. clean out gerbils.
3. set of assignments?


so long as I can give up sims free play I will be fine!

Honestly I do wonder if this fit of the miseries is period related. I am due I think. There is no way round a messy house except to tidy it up. And it won't ever happen in a week off with so much work and me not very motivated!

So for now just the basics and keep going

xxxx

taxi73

I do not know the answer to this question so please forgive me for asking but is there a reason your Mum can't help sort the house out?..It just seems everything is down to you to do.