Fed up and niggled

LannieDuck

My dear, you need to decide what you want. Not what's best for your daughter (a happy Mum would be a good start...), or what you think you ought to do/others expect you to do... but what you actually want to do.

Do you love him? If you met him today, knowing everything about him, would you accept his invitation to go on a date?

You're 40. That's not even 1/2 way through your life (one might hope!). Decide for yourself what you want from the next 40 years.

busiscoming2

I don't think the Chocs were deliberate. He's a bloke and wouldn't remember.

You are still very angry.

You need to talk to him about it all; how the chocs made you feel, how you felt then and now.

Joons

pigpen wrote: »

I'd be wondering where I would be if I had been brave enough to not have him back.. Would your birthday have been better? Would you have been in a better place now?

I would then kick him out.. you have tried, you are still feeling that anger and betrayal and why has the woman he had the affair with not been blocked? Why can you see her pics? is it to torture yourself more? To remind you about the affair and the hurt and the anger so you can feel it over and over?

Your daughter deserves 2 happy parents.. not a sleazy rake of a father and am unhappy doormat mum wallowing in self pity who might both even end up resenting the daughter. How do you think she will feel in a few years when she realises what has gone on? When she realises she had unhappy parents because of her, you think this will make her happy? I won't tell you the guilt that is attached to that even if they are too young to realise at the time.

Grow a pair.. kick him out and make a new happy life for you and your daughter, she deserves so much better than what she is getting.

How can you make so many assumptions based on one post? You don't even know the circumstances around the affair, amazingly you also think the op daughter would be better if both her parents split, again, how do you know this?

The op doesn't sound to me like a person who is doormat or is wallowing, she's having a rant on valentine's day and is entitled to.

alias*alibi

I guess the bottom line is that the OW has moved on; got a new fella, seems happy etc and the toddler looks like she has a step-dad. Great; no real issues with that, except she gets to be happy after all the misery that was caused. Me on the other hand feels like I'm back stuck where I was two years ago and today confirmed that.

I dunno. Feel quite stressed and tired today so that's probably not helping with my perspective on things.

Tiddlywinks

alias*alibi wrote: »

I guess the bottom line is that the OW has moved on; got a new fella, seems happy etc and the toddler looks like she has a step-dad. Great; no real issues with that, except she gets to be happy after all the misery that was caused. Me on the other hand feels like I'm back stuck where I was two years ago and today confirmed that.

I dunno. Feel quite stressed and tired today so that's probably not helping with my perspective on things.

So, what are YOU going to do about it?

Honestly, you need to take back control of your life and start making active decisions rather than just letting life happen around you.

You can be happy too.

alias*alibi

LannieDuck wrote: »

My dear, you need to decide what you want. Not what's best for your daughter (a happy Mum would be a good start...), or what you think you ought to do/others expect you to do... but what you actually want to do.

Do you love him? If you met him today, knowing everything about him, would you accept his invitation to go on a date?

You're 40. That's not even 1/2 way through your life (one might hope!). Decide for yourself what you want from the next 40 years.

No I wouldn't.

victory

alias*alibi wrote: »

I guess the bottom line is that the OW has moved on; got a new fella, seems happy etc and the toddler looks like she has a step-dad. Great; no real issues with that, except she gets to be happy after all the misery that was caused. Me on the other hand feels like I'm back stuck where I was two years ago and today confirmed that.

I dunno. Feel quite stressed and tired today so that's probably not helping with my perspective on things.

Don't compare yourself to the OW, ask yourself, do you love your OH?

Apart from the chocs mistake now your back together can you see once you confront the anger issues can you see yourself with him forever?

victory

alias*alibi wrote: »

No I wouldn't.

ahhhh and there is your answer

Joons

alias*alibi wrote: »

I guess the bottom line is that the OW has moved on; got a new fella, seems happy etc and the toddler looks like she has a step-dad. Great; no real issues with that, except she gets to be happy after all the misery that was caused. Me on the other hand feels like I'm back stuck where I was two years ago and today confirmed that.

I dunno. Feel quite stressed and tired today so that's probably not helping with my perspective on things.

You really think she is that happy having a child who does not see her real father, I doubt it.

You need to really sit down with your partner and talk this through, tell him how today has made you feel but as others have said, the only way you'll get past this affair is to leave it in the past.

alleycat`

My initial reaction to this was why are you looking at this "Other Woman" and her life?

All you are doing is putting yourself through the ringer every time you do. It isn't a healthy thing to be doing and it won't make you feel any better about you.

The valentines chocolates bit I would suspect there was nothing malicious in but i can see why it would open up an obviously, still, raw wound.

My opinion is you really need to think about where you want your relationship to go and speak to your partner about how you can move on.

Looking at how the other person is getting on and what she is doing will not let you do so.

I'm sorry you are having a crappy time of it but those are my initial thoughts.