tonights the night

smudgemanc26

HM im so glad that your brother is finally paying back some of the money to your parents i bet that is a weight off their mind and well done you for posting again. It must be hard to talk about things so personal but everyone on here is so supportive so if you ever feel depressed or angry theres always someone on here that can offer some moral boosting advice.

I know what you mean about being so proud that you are paying off your debts by yourself and good for you, you are doing a great job the thing is though you have to look at this as a joint debt after all it was for both of you.

I can understand why you dont like confrontations but how about sitting down over a cup of tea and asking your husband to go through a statement as you have done and see what you can come up with together. Tell him that you need the help now and have done so much on your own you feel now is the time for him to help you out. After all im sure you want a better quality of life for all of you.

I hope you get something sorted just remember to keep strong and say what you feel once its been said you will feel some relief already theres no point struggling on your own and bottling things up. If he's not prepared to help you then im sorry to say this then he isnt the kind of husband you should want or need.

Good luck and keep us posted xx

Dragon_Lady_3

!!!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: [nearly choked on my dinner then]

What planet does this man live on ??

Let me at 'im. I can probably get from Kent to Hampshire in 4 hours in my jalopy. HannahsDaddy, be afraid, be VERY afraid.

Was he there on your wedding day, or did you go it alone and then tell him later you married him? 'oh, by the way dear, you are now my husband' I Think Not !!

He is acting as though the wedding [and the costs involved] were nothing to do with him. He is also acting as though he is the only one in the marriage that has any importance. PAH!!

He is a self centred, egotistical, tight fisted, bullying control freak !!!!!

He should be on his knees begging your forgiveness for being a complete and utter a***hole

Sorry to mince my words. Rant over.

Your main priorities at the moment are, you and your daughter and I can only offer my support and virtual hugs [unless you want me to pay a visit? :rolleyes: ]

Best wishes and my thoughts are with you.

Penny2myName

I have one simple question over the marriage...

Who proposed??

tesuhoha

I think counselling with Relate is only worthwhile if it involves him accounting for where all the money goes.

sammy115

tesuhoha wrote: »

I think counselling with Relate is only worthwhile if it involves him accounting for where all the money goes.

I would agree if they were to go together. But Relate is just good for counselling full stop, whether part of a marriage/partnership or not.

tesuhoha

sammy115 wrote: »

I would agree if they were to go together. But Relate is just good for counselling full stop, whether part of a marriage/partnership or not.

Then Im not sure its councelling thats needed unless it makes him change his miserly attitude.

rosieben

I think Relate would help you HM, particularly with the issues around confrontation and allowing yourself to be bullied.

You may be reluctant to face OH with other questions but I'm sure you're strong enough - you've proved that by how you dealt with the situation this far. And you certainly have a right to know where his money goes - why is he paying his ex? were there children? - and his priority should be to support you before he thinks about stashing money away in a bank somwhere.

I am concerned too, that your daughter has only just been allowed into the living room. Its her home too and it should be the place where she feels safe and secure - is that the case do you think? I can foresee so many problems as she gets older. I think there are urgent issues here that need sorting out.

Please keep posting, whatever you decide to do. We all want to know that you're ok, and we realise that you must make your own decisions so we wont sulk if you dont take our advice!

petetidball

So where is his money going? £400 a month left from a £57k wage? He should be able to cover your debts easily without having to rely on cash strapped parents for support. My wife and I earn less than £25k between us, but we share it all. We have seperate accounts to keep my credit rating from destroying hers, but all my wages are transferred into our house account the day I get paid, even though I earn the larger chunk.

Marriage is about sharing things, not just the good bits, but the really sh1tty bits as well, like debt. If I treated the wife (harpy that she is) like OP's husband treats her, I'd expect her to leave me, if not go for the frying pan option (though she'd need to find the kitchen first!). I think you should sit down with him and ask where his money is going, cos if that's all he's got left, he could do with some of your money saving nouse to get him sorted. He's obviously overspending somewhere!

Bagpuss1973

petetidball wrote: »

So where is his money going? £400 a month left from a £57k wage? He should be able to cover your debts easily without having to rely on cash strapped parents for support. My wife and I earn less than £25k between us, but we share it all. We have seperate accounts to keep my credit rating from destroying hers, but all my wages are transferred into our house account the day I get paid, even though I earn the larger chunk.

Marriage is about sharing things, not just the good bits, but the really sh1tty bits as well, like debt. If I treated the wife (harpy that she is) like OP's husband treats her, I'd expect her to leave me, if not go for the frying pan option (though she'd need to find the kitchen first!). I think you should sit down with him and ask where his money is going, cos if that's all he's got left, he could do with some of your money saving nouse to get him sorted. He's obviously overspending somewhere!

Totally agree with the above! What is this man on??:eek:

Personally I would give up one of your jobs...you have a child to take care of. Tell your husband (and I don't mean ask I mean TELL) that you need x amount of money for food, child things etc and how much you need off him to live and pay off some of the debt with. I simply cannot believe that he is living on £400 a month when he earns that much - if he is telling the truth he has some major debt himself which his is not sharing or are you living in an 18 bedroom mansion with a massive mortgage?. Does his ex-OH have a child? If not you need to know exactly what is paying her for...it can't be to keep her in a manner to which she is accustomed to with you needing to work two jobs.:mad: :mad: :mad:

As for the wedding, tell him he owes you £4500 (half is more than fair)

Goodluck

I would also suggest some counselling...it really can help you sort your mind out...it can be great to talk to a third party who will not judge you in any way.

Big hugs

BagpussXX

tesuhoha

I think the point that rosiebien has made regarding your daughter is spot on. Its her home; what kind of a home is it for her if she's not free to use it?