tonights the night

Dithering_Dad

Hi, I'm glad that it seems to have all been resolved amicably. Hopefully he'll release those purse strings a little more now.

I'm amazed that he thinks your brother/parents should pay for your wedding. It's nice if BOTH sets of parents want to help out, but having the wife's parents to pay for the whole wedding surely went out in the 50s? (if not earlier). Christ almighty, he'll be demanding a dowry next !! (7 pigs, 2 goats and a camel is the usual I believe).

Sorry to rant on, I really am glad that this financial issue has been resolved but I suspect that this is just the start of things to come. I'd get used to working those two jobs if I were you. Alternatively you should get a photocopy of the financial records he keeps in that drawer and hot foot it down to the nearest divorce solicitor.

tesuhoha

I just can't believe your husband's attitude. 'He hasnt started shouting yet'. I think you should be the one who's shouting - at him. If he's your husband he should be giving you money and supporting you. He should be contributing towards the household by paying all of his salary into the joint bank account. (This is what my OH does). If not, well some couples do like to keep their own accounts but they pay the bills etc between them. I think it is you who should be feeling very angry at your husband for keeping you short of money. Im afraid you havent landed much of a catch with him.

lizzie12_2

Heck...... you cant go on like this for ever H M. Am suprised you are not on your knees yet ( with all the stress of this , 2 jobs and kiddies to care for and the worry of your parents and brother) Where is YOUR support??

Can you see yourself in this position in 5 years time?
Are you happy or frightened?
Please dont think I am rude at all as I do not know/ have not been in a situation like this...... Have you a plan you could fall back onto in an emergancy?

Have you/ Dare you shoe him this site?

Good luck with what you decide.xxx

Miss_Scarlett

I too am glad everything went better than expected, but, your hubby earns 57k and he expects your parents to pay for your wedding when they are struggling financially. It seems to me everything is everyone elses fault, the way I see it (and by all means tell me to bog off) is that your husband is soley responsible for this mess. Not only is he refusing to pay for his own wedding but he is so domineering and pig headed his own wife couldn't tell him about the issues her parents were having and the debt that resulted.

I really don't think your parents should be worrying about this, your husband clearly has the money to pay off the debt, I think he should do that first of all, then, he should give you a reasonable amount of money from his salary to pay for things your children might need.

Big hugs to you, the frying pan is still an option:D

Shineyhappy

Hi HM,

Hope apart from the stress you had a good bank holiday weekend!

Did you find out where all his money goes to? I think it would really worry me if my OHs finances didn't add up. I would be suspious of where all that extra cash went to.

I hope this means that you can stop working two jobs and get to spend some proper time with your children. I would demmand that you do a joint SOA.

I would also have a secret account from him, incase you do need to leave if he gets more controlling.

Remember your relationship is a partnership and not be all one sided!

Snaggles

Hi HM, I'm glad you're okay.

I have to be honest, that was my reaction too - him expecting your parents to pay off your debts when you were posting about how upset you were about their financial difficulties only a few days ago doesn't really seem like progress. But I'm glad that at least you have begun to talk about it, and he's managing to keep his temper under control. I really do wish you the very best, and I hope you manage to resolve this one way or another.

Take care and keep posting xx

smudgemanc26

Just read the update and im shocked once again, i cant believe your husband is relying on your parents who have financial difficulties of their own to pay for your wedding. If he was any kind of husband he should have said dont worry 'I will help you your my wife and whats mine is yours and whats yours is mine, if you are in trouble i will help you' or something to that effect. Not only do i feel sorry for you now but also the enormous strain on your parents too for having to find the money to help you out when they too have problems.

Im glad to hear you got it out in the open with your husband but to be honest i was expecting a better outcome than him saying your brother and family should pay! :mad:

I think if possible you should have another talk and at least get him to own some responsiblity for the wedding debt in the first place & explain if you can that your parents might not be in a position to help you out - see what he says to that. Also can you ask him for a statement of where all his money does go each month - its only fair if you have to account for every penny.

Good luck with it all, keep us updated xx

chevalier

Sorry my point about him having savings whilst you have debt still stands. The last thing your parents should be doing is consolidating (is the again?) to pay of your debt and their own.
Unless they cut up their cards and live within their means, then they will be in this position again soon, and it will have been made worse by taking out extra debt to help you out. And all the while he has savings?
Er no I think he should pay those savings to the debt. And then start a joint budget for ALL of you.

Keep talking about this, because it seems to me that you debt is only the tip of the financial iceburg here, and it would be good to get it all sorted out NOW so that you both know where you stand in the future.

chev

amani_2

Hi HM, GLAD TO KNOW YOUR OK.


PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, dont take the money from your poor parents, they sound like they have a lot of money worries already. Dont lay this on them. Its your husband that should be footing the bill. As you said you have already paid alot off the debt and he should pay his bit. He has a well paid job and im sure he can aford it. He should pay it off and draw a line under it and move on. You are married this is a partnership, there should be give and take (sounds like you are doing all the giving and hes doing all the taking).

You should be asking him where all his income goes, im sure he wont tell you though. What about your daughter does he think children live for free???????? Why should his ex wife get money every month and you and your daughter nothing?????????

Hope you can sort this out good luck, you need it.



AMANI XXX

beemuzed

Oh dear, I've been following this and hoped for a better outcome...however it all started he really can't just expect your parents to help out when they clearly have huge financial problems of their own - not when he has all his money. Afraid I'm with those who think you should be starting your own escape fund unless he realises that marriage should be a proper partnership. He sounds too controlling by half.
Sorry, I know I shouldn't presume to give advice, and hope you're not offended, but this situation quite scares me.