The Most Saddest Baby...

blue_monkey_2

It sounds to me like your baby is suffering from Separation Anxiety. The fact she holds out her arms for you to pick her back up again when you put her down is a dead givaway to be honest. It is really common problem and there is loads of info about it on 'tinternet. I googled it for you here:

http://www.google.com/search?q=separation+anxiety

There will be lots of advice so go which you find might be best but give it a couple of weeks, it will not happen overnight. I guess it is hard with your husband not being there so you pick her as she is your 'company' but then this brings another set of problems as then you pick her up so she does not cry, you put her down, she cries, you pick her up.... it is a huge vicious circle that you need to break. The way she is looking to see if you are there when you are playing but you are not holding her also shows this is separation anxiesty. I would not have said this was teeth - she may well be teething and wants some reassurance but some Calpol will help with the teething if she is. While Cranial Oestopathy is great (and you get 3 free 20 minutes sessions for babies under 13 months, so give some a ring) I really do not think that is the problem, it might help a little (my son had it because he cried a lot, it helped a little but was not the problem - his was that he wanted his independance) but I think it is more working on the Anxiety she is feeling when you put her down.

It is hard work but when you are finally able to get 5 minutes to yourself you'll feel so much better and realise it has been worthwhile. Do not feel bad about walking away and leaving her to cry - it hurts but you NEED to do it before you go insane, likewise when you eventually stop B/f her it'll help as well because she has that huge bond with you now.

My son was the same until he started walking and was able to find his indepenance, at the moment she is relying on you to do everything with her - you feel bad if you don't pick her up when she cries but you are getting depressed over the situation so who is winning with a miserable baby and a miserable mum, but then when you do pick her up it is going to make the situation worse and that it how it comes around. They have us wrapped around their fingers for life you know!!

Did anyone ever what the Baby Whisperer on Satalite a few years back? Maybe you can get copies of the DVD am not sure. There was little girl on there with the same problems you have - the mother could not even put her down to make dinner and no-one else could pick her up - there are a few links that might help but the one on the TV was named Tracey Hogg and she was wonderful but I believe she has passed away now. You might find this forum helpful:

http://www.babywhisperer.com/smf/

I hope this helps somewhat but hang in there. It is hard when you are on your own most of the day - is your husband there to put her into the bath and then bed when he gets home from work as that'll take some pressure off you. make sure she has a regualr bed and bath routine the same time every night as this makes a huge difference, don't let her fall asleep on you - this is a huge problem as well as she will not sleep any other way, if she is feeling sleepy get her into bed and let her cry herself to sleep if you need to. Find a couple of local playgroups and go to them, you and your daughter will start to make new friends - and this is important for both of you. Don't feel that your daughter has to be walking, they'll all have a baby corner. your baby will also see other children playing on their own and realise that she can do that.

I do remember one baby from our playgroup, her mum went to work and left her with a c/m 3 days a week, but the mother had some 'odd' ideas and believed that a mother and baby should not be separated until 18 months of age (yep, and still went to work 3 days a week!!) so when she was home she had a sling and the child was then in the sling for the 4 days attached to the mother ALL the time, at 18 months she could not even walk as she had no muscles in her legs as she had never even been put down to stand up and she could not sit until 15 months because of this but whenever the childminder put the baby down she screamed and screamed Non-stop for the 3 days the c/m had her. I have never seen a baby like it, ever.

Anyohw, back to you, I got sidetracked. it is very hard work when a baby cries all the time but have a look to see if those pages and forums are of any help to you and see if you can find the books by Tracey Hoog- and if you put her in to sleep with you then you need to change her routine as I said and stick to it. Babies need around 12 hours sleep a night so aim for bedtime at 7pm. I've been sat outside the bedroom door while my daugther cried for an hour and a half and I was crying too and this was because I used tolet her go to sleep in our bed and then put her to bed - this had to change when I got pregnant and it is very, very hard to do - it took 2 weeks but it was worth it all, I promise (although it did not feel like it at the time). You do feel very guilty but you are doing this for both of you and you'll find your daughter gets more independant and does not need you all the time which will be great for you both. I think she needs to learn how to play on her own for a bit instead of with you all the time so maybe get some of those play tables and have one in the front room and one in the kitchen so she can be distracted from you. My friend used to play with her son all the time and done everything for him, if he used to go off she would follow him to see what he was doing and now at the age of 5 he will hardly do anything for himself - he drops something his mum has to go get it, if he goes out in the garden he needs his mum to be there to watch even if he is playing with other kids. I personally would go nuts if that was my child, he won't stay anywhere without her (except school but it was hard work getting him to stay) it really is exhausting work and tiring for both of you and I honestly think you need to break the cycle before it gets this deep as she never gets a moment to herself.

I HTH but good luck, you know where we all are if you need to have a moan.

xx

spinning_hamster_wheel

Hi,

Your lo sounds like my ds (currently screaming in his bedroom with his daddy refusing to go to bed) he's always been a crying baby. He's only really miserable when he's in the house with me though. If I'm out with my friends and their kids or at the shops I think the hustle and bustle distracts him a lot. When we're in the house though its intolerable. From the second he wakes up he screams for me, his Daddy can't give him even brekkie while I get a lie in (I'm 8 months pg) he just screams constantly.

He's been like this since he was born. He was bf for the first year and is an incurable mummys boy. During the week when my dp is at work I can't do housework because he hangs off my jeans and screams if I try and do the dishes and tries to grab the mop/hoover/dusters off me, then the house is a tip and dp is none too pleased when he gets home. Cbeebies only works for a short while if I sit and watch it with him, although he will actually let me get a lie down on the sofa and watch it with him.

I think most of the problem is that he is very bright and constantly wants mummy to play with him and read him books (we read literally 20 a day!) and he constantly points to stuff and asks 'whats this' wanting me to tell him about it. He's just not the kind of little boy that can be left to his own devices.

I totally sypathise with you feeling terrible, sometimes from 7am til 8pm I just feel as if I can't do anything right by him and that he must be really unhappy with me! I guess at the end of the day I'll just need to accept that not all babies are placid smiling easily pleased creatures, he's still a lovely wee boy who loves his mummy to bits, he's very gentle and affectionate and unlike many of his peers he doesn't bite or hit or snatch, loves sharing toys and plays with other kids really well.

maverickangel

sounds like separation anxiety if there ain't an underlying health problem...my DD was like it for a few months, then grew out of it.

basically i decided that if she wanted mummy then fair enough...housework can wait, and i got to be a dab hand at doing most things with one hand and holding her with the other, or us doing the chores together...she was usually quite happy 2 help me pull washing outta the machine or similar...or i'd sit her on the kitchen floor with a couple of serving spoons and a colander and she'd be happy as larry, provided i played peebo with the tea towel every couple of minutes...

i would say just go with it and chill - it really doesn't matter if stuff doesn't get done round the house - i found that with practice i could get everything that had to be done sorted in about 2 hours in the evenings...then i would sleep....

try and get out during the day as well if u can - i found mine was easier in the car or the buggy, and it was a godsend goin to mums n tots, as there were lots of other mummies with children that wailed if they weren't surgically attached to u, so i felt better...

and no, u ain't a bad mummy - you're normal...we all feel like bad mummies sometimes...((hug))
maverick xx

Kit_Kat_Kate

zoeleigh wrote: »

I know breast feeding is best but 9 months is fantastic & the most important part & if you're worn out having to get up several times a night maybe you could try a bottle in between?

How would I go about this, is it best to make the mid afternoon feed to a bottle? and change to bottles over a period of time?

Kit_Kat_Kate

DH finish work this morning and got up around lunchtime and took DD for an hrs walk. When he got back I was upstairs and I could hear them going in the front room to play. I waited a few mins then went in when she saw me she went carzy (waving her hands, kicking her legs, bouncing up and down and squealing) I cried.:o thinking what a lovely welcome. Then it was back to the crying. I feel a lot better about it now. Its def to do with me and not in pain or anything like that. In stead of thinking Its my fault I must be doing something wrong I m taking it as She loves me and I m doing something right.

maverickangel

Kit_Kat_Kate wrote: »

DH finish work this morning and got up around lunchtime and took DD for an hrs walk. When he got back I was upstairs and I could hear them going in the front room to play. I waited a few mins then went in when she saw me she went carzy (waving her hands, kicking her legs, bouncing up and down and squealing) I cried.:o thinking what a lovely welcome. Then it was back to the crying. I feel a lot better about it now. Its def to do with me and not in pain or anything like that. In stead of thinking Its my fault I must be doing something wrong I m taking it as She loves me and I m doing something right.

got it in 1, hun, got it in 1. U r the centre of her little baby universe - the best thing in her little world (sorry KKK'd DH)....she thinks u r the most wonderful mummy in the whole wide world and can't get enough of u - of course she's devastated when the best mummy in the whole world isn't right there with the best daughter in the whole world.....

...but u r doing everything right and your LO knows that...which is why she's never happier than being with mummy...

...bet not many people cry when you're not around coz you're so special to them eh? enjoy the feeling
maverick xx

Dizzydee

I've been watching this thread from the very begining. It was such a sad story. I didn't post at first because all you guys were doing such a fantastic job in giving KKK loads of practical and emotional support. It's great to see things are getting better. I havn't been a member for long, but I'm amazed how much a site like this can help with loads of different problems and questions. Just wanted to say you lot are brill!!!!

blue_monkey_2

How would I go about this, is it best to make the mid afternoon feed to a bottle? and change to bottles over a period of time?

I used to give the bedtime feed as a bottle because they get fuller on this and it lasts longer - then you can top up in the night if need be. It is hard giving a bottle when you've bf for so long but you have to look after yourself as well so do not feel bad about it - plus get your hubby to give the bottle as it will give him some bonding time too. HTH

wendym

I'm sorry if someone has already said this - my computer is jumping when I try to spool through a thread.

Remember that crying in someone who has no language is not 'sadness' as adults understand it, but the only means they have of communicating. It is incredibly frustrating, but it will improve.

My second daughter didn't sleep through the night until she was three and a half YEARS old, and I was driven bonkers. They are all so different, but it does improve.

Mandles

Kit_Kat_Kate wrote: »

How would I go about this, is it best to make the mid afternoon feed to a bottle? and change to bottles over a period of time?

I would start with a middle feed with the bottle and maybe someone else give it to her as mine wouldn't take it from me but would my OH or older DD.
She just wants her mum all the time by the sound of it. Its nice to end up just breast feeding at night before you put her to bed. I did this with all 3 of mine and 2 were not very good sleepers andf the last was an amzing sleeper so it just depends on the kid not your milk. .. do try that swing i suggested if you can.It was the best buy i ever bought!