The Most Saddest Baby...

Elle00

Nothing upsets me more than useless Health Visitors! There's nothing normal about an unhappy Mum for one thing.

Big hugs to you hun. I went through a rough patch with my son between the ages of around 7 to 11 months and OMG it was the hardest stage I think I have ever gone through.

I can't say for sure of course but it sounds like she is frustrated with herself. She's noticing that all around her, people are walking and talking and picking things up while she feels very restricted in her participation. She notices something on a shelf she'd like to look at; but has no idea how to make you understand what it is she wants. She wanted the dinner you gave her for tea yesterday, not the one you've put in front of her - but she doesn't know how to make you understand. That could well be why she's crying all the time - she doesn't know how else to communicate what she wants and at this age, they usually want quite a lot!

With my son, I wound up teaching him to walk as a way of getting through this faze. Now this is actually AGAINST the usual medical advice as normally they should be left to develop at their own pace however as my lad was mentally ahead but physically behind (didn't sit up till ten months but could use about 20 words and feed himself), the Health Visitor actually told me to teach him how to be more independant starting with getting his legs and moving them in stages against the side of the sofa to show him how to stand up. It took him just two weeks to go from dragging himself around to sitting up, crawling on all fours, pulling himself up on the sofa and cruising round the furniture. It was like having a whole new baby. He no longer cried all day because he was bored or frustrated but got on with exploring the world around him. He was ever so proud of himself!

Until they really get mobile, I don't think they realise that Mum doesn't have to do every little thing for them. That's why they want Mum at their beck and call every second of every day and throw major tantrums when she isn't! This is what I guess you could call the "I want to do it but think Mum has to do it all for me" faze.

The other thing I did was get a referral to Home Start. It was great being able to go along to their free playgroup once a week and we still go now as it gives my son variety and the opportunity to socialise plus I now have a volunteer come round for 2hrs a week to amuse my son and give me a break! I started taking him swimming to the local toddler pool once a week at 9m old and I also took him to "Baby Rhyme Time" one morning a week for the local library's free singing session (most libraries have one - just ask). I also extended his range of toys and books though of course you have to place budget and space restrictions on these. The more activities you do outside of the home that involve being around other people - the quicker they grow out of this "Mum Mum Mum" faze!

I hope I don't sound patronising as that's not my intention at all. It's just that sometimes when we're stressed we just wind up trapped in a vicious cycle and convince ourselves we've failed and that the situation is hopeless. I just wanted you to know that this is not the case and that what you're experiencing might not happen to every Mum but it does happen to a lot through no fault of theirs. Also, note that a frustrated baby is usually quite a bright one!

Thinking about it, hindsight's a wonderful thing. I wish I'd known all this when the screaming every time I left the room started!

Elle x.

Kit_Kat_Kate

HI all, DD has been a lot better today(touch wood) we have been playing together then I sneek over to the sofa... She kept tuening round or moving herself so she could see me every couple of seconds to see I was still their! This ment we weren't velcrowed to each other!!!!

She has just started to pull herself up on the sofa to standing and now, I think your right about the frustration, she wants to be off.

Zoetoes

I breast fed my little boy for a while but he wasn't settled either, I decided to change to bottle feeding him & could see how much was getting & he settled much better, I think it was little & often with the breast feeding.

I know breast feeding is best but 9 months is fantastic & the most important part & if you're worn out having to get up several times a night maybe you could try a bottle in between?

libbydoll

hi there
you say your wee one has been like this for three months. What changed three months ago? Is it when she started on solids? My daughter no 1 had huge problems with dairy, even through my breast milk. I followed a dairy free diet until she was six months when she decided she didn't want to breast feed any more. The doctor gave me soya milk which took a wee bit of getting used to, but she could take it without any kind of reaction. Daughter no 2 couldn't take dairy or soya, and daughter no 3 was the same. I was lucky cause I could see the effects on their skin,instant rashes, high colouring, really dry flaky patches, along with very crabbit baby and of course after going through it with no 1 we knew exactly what to do with 2 and 3, and my doctor was on to it quickly and we saw a specialist. How is your wee girls skin? It just seems strange that she was a happy baby until three months ago. My friend screamed all day and all night until she was a year old, again through a dairy intolerance. I think it's a lot more common than you would think. See if your health visitor can put you in touch with an other mum in your area who has had a similar experience. My health visitor has asked me to phone mums before and compare notes! It does help. You may find it's nothing to do with her diet, but it's worth looking into.

I think the important thing to remember is, it is really short lived. Soon she'll be able to tell you exactly what's wrong with her and what she wants you to do about it!!!

mrcow

It's not becuase you are a bad mum of that you have done anything wrong.

Once she is able to move around for herself things could dramatically improve.

My second child cried every time I left her and would not go to ANYONE, but she grew out of it. My current baby (four months) wails like a banshee whenever I put her down or pass her to someone (no one wants her now as she's so loud lol). I have to do everything one handed.

You do need support though - and a break and the occasional lie in. Sorry, I've not read all the replies on here, but have you tried to join any local mother and baby goups?

justontime

Please don't think you are a failure. Babies, like people generally are all different, some are placid and some are more demanding. Thankfully I'd had two fairly average babies before my son came along, he was demanding during the day and at night. He was 3 before he managed to sleep through a whole night, he would wake at 11pm and yell until after 3am every night. There were times when I thought I would go mad! I used to distract myself with story tapes while I rocked him to sleep, and that helped me not to lose my temper with him. I used to remind myself that it was a stage and one day I would remember it fondly. He is 12 now and I do remember those days with affection.

It sounds as if your daughter is just going through a clingy phase. Take care of yourself because babies can be very exhausting. Do you go to mums and tots or something similar, it would be good for your daughter and you would get support and encouragement from other mums. Having said all that you should trust your instincts, if this goes on for weeks or months keep asking your GP to check for any problems. I always felt there was something slightly eccentric about my son and everyone (even my late husband) said it was my imagination. Years later my son was diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome. I am sure this is not the case for your daughter, she will be fine. By the way, my son is still exhausting but he is a happy, clever and totally unique person and I wouldn't change anything about him. As for feeling like a failure, there will be plenty of time for that when your daughter is a teenager, my daughters are 16 and 18 now and there have certainly been times when I felt pretty useless, but in the end if you love them you will not go far wrong.

lotto-dreamer

Kit_Kat_Kate wrote: »

This ment we weren't velcrowed to each other!!!!

I love your description!

So pleased things are sounding better- from all the posts here, so many of us have not had easy babies! I was in complete despair with my first son which was why I had to reply when I saw your post. It took me back 25 years but I could identify with you so well!

You'll get over this stage then have a nice lull for a bit ...then watch out for the teenage years!!!!!:rolleyes2 Although in my experience it was second son 'little mr sweetly gurgling in his pram' who was the nightmare teenager - not "velcro" baby - so you might be ok!!:rotfl:

borderlakland

hi kate hope things are still improving my 2nd dd was like this local sure start was great help do you have friend/family nearby who could help out even for couple hrs so you can get some rr. i breastfed and found once i was more relaxed and rested so was she. also might sound cruel to some(pleeese don't all shout at me) but no sev mums at end of their tether who have done it(& 1 helpful temp hv) when screaming has got you climbing the walls and you have checked all the usual things (nappy hunger etc) put her safely in her cot calmly walk outside(if poss) and take 5 mins away she won't come to any harm,think my neighbours must have thort i was nuts as i used to stand at bottom of garden and have a gud scream!!! howl my eyes out for a min then have a fag 2 calm down(not reccomended of course) then feel much calmer quite often by time i went in 5 min later she would have gone to sleep. shes now a well adjusted calmish 11 yr old who makes me realise it was all worth it

tallullahbelle

BIG HUG...You are doing really really well. It is soooooooo hard being a mum. My eldest child hardly slept and it's really hard. I breastfed too but he had an intolerance to dairy so I was on a soya based diet to breastfeed. He first slept through the night at 15 months, and that was a one off!
I live in Cheshire too, if you want to meet up just mail me...I've got lots of experience with babies so feel free to get in touch.

loopylass

This thread brought back many memories

My daughter who is now 12 was a very restless baby when she was about 8 months old was always crying during the day and like yours only stopped when asleep or i was holding her
Again the HV said she was fine but might be having teething problems

I remember i couldnt do housework etc so i just sat and cuddled and played with her until bed then it was my time to relax and do the housework it was hard work and i really feel for you but it does pass and they will get better
try not to get stressed out(easier said than done i know) as they will sense that

Take care