Eh?

Errata

If the OP has been told the truth the woman is a professional sponger, how much will she milk him for??

That's a bit hard to figure out, given that the women has no money to feed and house her kids and her drug dealer mother has to do it for her. Still, good ol' mom might score a few serious $$$$ drug deals and give the woman loadsamoney for her little holiday in the uk.

Saturnalia

The Mexican ex story is a load of rubbish for a start. His child is a US citizen, he's going to struggle to get her to Mexico with him, let alone a child who isn't his! And the US doesn't seem keen on giving him a visa to let him in to do this in the first place.

woody2234

"No, they havn't skyped, and apparently she has no web cam facility (sorry im not very technically minded) .. All they have seen of eachother are still images, and spoken through a microphone that I often see on his desk .. Maybe you could explain to me how they do that "

this was what I read on page 1 so anyway bit dodgy so far ie I would not travel there plus in the US they buy guns down the supermarket with there bread and milk so be carefull

SailorSam

totallybored wrote: »

It's not just £500 though is it. It's the flight (which may well cost more than £500), a week in a hotel in London, days out in London, eating out. London isn't cheap! And this is assuming she turns out not to be a con artist. If the OP has been told the truth the woman is a professional sponger, how much will she milk him for??

There is more than the money to think about too. What about the emotional cost to him if this all turns into a scam / goes wrong / she turns out to be a 30 stone man called Bob? He's a kid who lives with his mum and plays on his computer, how long would it take for him to build up his confidence again?

There is a difference between being an overprotective parent and one who knows when the time is right to step in to prevent a big mistake. This Internet woman is dodgy as hell and being scammed online isn't just something you need to experience as part of growing up.

I agree it all does sound very dodgy and if it were my Son i wouldn't want him going to the States but isn't the £500 to pay for air ticket, anything extra he can at least get out quick if he's only in London.
Still i wouldn't be happy until there'd been some live Webcam contact.
But he's 20 you're not going to stop him doing what he wants, better you encourage a Uk meet than him going missing in the Rocky mountains.

Padstow

jaqui59 wrote: »

I can't interrogate my son can I, if I did he would shut down and refuse to say anymore, and I wouldn't blame him. Our relationship is a good one, and he does have a right to keep things from me. I would feel b****y awful if I forced him to tell me everything. He has let me know that there are lots of things he hasn't said about this relationship, but that doesn't mean to me we have a bad relationship .. To me it seems completely normal for a 20 year old man to do this ... For gods sake let him have SOME privacy. He wants to go ahead with this meeting, and he will, I cant stop him. Im repeating myself now, but im just relieved he is not going over there.

This thread has ended up sounding a complete mess because DS has been drip feeding me with information (upon my demand, which I feel dreadful about) and all the information I have given hasn't necessarily been in the right order of events, making it appear to be all over the place.

Think im going to stop here .... Thankyou all very much to the people who have given me constructive advice, which is most of you ... I really have listened and taken the info on board, and have just got to hope this imminent meeting will have a good outcome.

This is the crux of it and obvious from pages back.
You're scared of saying anything that may send your son "off on one" and he'll stop speaking to you. You are tip toing on eggshells.
Why doesn't he have a circle of friends, male and female from work?
Why does he spend his spare time playing computer games instead of an an active social life?

It matters not that this girl lives in USA, it makes little difference that they met online. if she lived across the street she'd still be undesirable as a girlfriend.
She spends her life scrounging, from her mother, the state and now your son. She's had two kids she's willing to discard. She spends her days gaming on the net.

Your son has had so little social interaction, that immediately a woman gives him a sob story, he wants to spend his hard earned cash on her.

I'm saying no more, because just from the above you should be able to spot the real problem.

Calien27

So, have they had any face time yet?

KiKi

Padstow wrote: »

Why doesn't he have a circle of friends, male and female from work?
Why does he spend his spare time playing computer games instead of an an active social life?

Your son has had so little social interaction, that immediately a woman gives him a sob story, he wants to spend his hard earned cash on her.

I think that's very unfair - a great example of taking information to the extreme when this isn't what was said!

Like many people on this site, I have friends, I go to work, I have a social circle - but I also have online friends. Not on MSE, but on a couple of fan forums. I play computer games as well. It's entirely possible her son does both. I used to travel to the US to meet other X Files fans and watch the season finales live. We had a great time! I'm not a social recluse, but this was just another part of my life.

But to suggest that he spends all his spare time on the computer instead of going out is unfair (not to mention something plenty of people on this board are also 'guilty' of!).

I agree it sounds dodgy, and he shouldn't be paying. But they're now going to webcam before they meet. And that's a good outcome.

But let's not take information and turn him into some reclusive hermit who's only contact with the outside world is a woman who *may* - but equally may not - be scamming him. Maybe he just has a kind heart, and at 20 years old is still relatively naive. I was naive at 20, but it didn't make me socially inept.


KiKi

Padstow

KiKi wrote: »

I think that's very unfair - a great example of taking information to the extreme when this isn't what was said!

Like many people on this site, I have friends, I go to work, I have a social circle - but I also have online friends. Not on MSE, but on a couple of fan forums. I play computer games as well. It's entirely possible her son does both. I used to travel to the US to meet other X Files fans and watch the season finales live. We had a great time! I'm not a social recluse, but this was just another part of my life.

But to suggest that he spends all his spare time on the computer instead of going out is unfair (not to mention something plenty of people on this board are also 'guilty' of!).

I agree it sounds dodgy, and he shouldn't be paying. But they're now going to webcam before they meet. And that's a good outcome.

But let's not take information and turn him into some reclusive hermit who's only contact with the outside world is a woman who *may* - but equally may not - be scamming him. Maybe he just has a kind heart, and at 20 years old is still relatively naive. I was naive at 20, but it didn't make me socially inept.


KiKi

From the OP, first post:

"OH knows it will be quite a big deal for me, as DS has been a stay at home lad for years, quite happy to go to work and spend the rest of the day PC gaming, so he is very naive about travel,"
Snipped.

So not like you at all KiKi!

Mrs_Bones

KiKi wrote: »

I think that's very unfair - a great example of taking information to the extreme when this isn't what was said!

Like many people on this site, I have friends, I go to work, I have a social circle - but I also have online friends. Not on MSE, but on a couple of fan forums. I play computer games as well. It's entirely possible her son does both. I used to travel to the US to meet other X Files fans and watch the season finales live. We had a great time! I'm not a social recluse, but this was just another part of my life.

But to suggest that he spends all his spare time on the computer instead of going out is unfair (not to mention something plenty of people on this board are also 'guilty' of!).

I agree it sounds dodgy, and he shouldn't be paying. But they're now going to webcam before they meet. And that's a good outcome.

But let's not take information and turn him into some reclusive hermit who's only contact with the outside world is a woman who *may* - but equally may not - be scamming him. Maybe he just has a kind heart, and at 20 years old is still relatively naive. I was naive at 20, but it didn't make me socially inept.


KiKi

Below is what the OP wrote in her first post so it would seem her son is socially inept.

jaqui59 wrote: »

as DS has been a stay at home lad for years, quite happy to go to work and spend the rest of the day PC gaming, so he is very naive about travel, and admits he is a little nervous about the adventure that lies ahead.

If this whole thread isn't a wind up then just by the OP's words on thinking it would be a wonderful outcome for two children to be taken from all they know to go and live in a different country, one with a person who is no relation. Then I'd say it's not just her son who is living in cloud cuckoo land. It's worth remembering that this thread wasn't started because she was worried about her son specifically but because she was upset at his fathers response to the news. What is the fathers response to all this that's happened now?

KiKi

Padstow wrote: »

From the OP, first post:

"OH knows it will be quite a big deal for me, as DS has been a stay at home lad for years, quite happy to go to work and spend the rest of the day PC gaming, so he is very naive about travel,"
Snipped.

So not like you at all KiKi!

What's not like me - to disagree?

Perhaps I just interpret things differently (and it would be a boring place if we didn't!). I'm a stay at home girl. I don't go out in the evenings; I rarely go out at the weekends socially. I like my own company (a lot!). I'm very happy to stay at home and watch TV (or offer bad advice MSE!). But it doesn't mean I don't have a social life, or don't ever go out. And it doesn't mean I don't see people after work, or have any friends; it just means that I'm very happy being at home a lot!

I just felt there was a big difference between saying he's a stay at home lad who is quite happy gaming - and questioning why he has no friends, and why he has no social life, and stating that he's had 'so little' social interaction in his life. I don't necessarily equate the two, that's all. Perhaps you're right in your interpretation of it - and I may well be wrong.

But I do hope he webcams her and doesn't send the money - although it sounds like he has his heart set on it already. Maybe it will be a tough lesson for him to learn, or maybe a friendship will come out of it - who knows?! I've made some great friends over the years from TV fan forums who are now RL friends; but I would never have paid for them to come visit...!

KiKi