Eh?

Calien27

Can she drive but just doesn't own a car? Because over there it's pretty much the norm for all 15/16 year old's to take Drivers Ed lessons whilst in school and by the time they leave high school they usually have a license.

Errata

This is beginning to remind me of all the American soldiers who hook up with dim women on the internet, say they have a chest full of medals, have been shot, are still in Afghan, are deeply in love with said woman, want her to help him to buy him out of the army .............
and blah de blah de blah.

Just a few examples :eek: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-11400700

jaqui59

andy.m wrote: »

Seems to me that the OP's relationship with her Son isn't entirely all She thought it was.

Also the responses being given by her Son are getting more and more far fetched.

I can't interrogate my son can I, if I did he would shut down and refuse to say anymore, and I wouldn't blame him. Our relationship is a good one, and he does have a right to keep things from me. I would feel b****y awful if I forced him to tell me everything. He has let me know that there are lots of things he hasn't said about this relationship, but that doesn't mean to me we have a bad relationship .. To me it seems completely normal for a 20 year old man to do this ... For gods sake let him have SOME privacy. He wants to go ahead with this meeting, and he will, I cant stop him. Im repeating myself now, but im just relieved he is not going over there.

This thread has ended up sounding a complete mess because DS has been drip feeding me with information (upon my demand, which I feel dreadful about) and all the information I have given hasn't necessarily been in the right order of events, making it appear to be all over the place.

Think im going to stop here .... Thankyou all very much to the people who have given me constructive advice, which is most of you ... I really have listened and taken the info on board, and have just got to hope this imminent meeting will have a good outcome.

Errata

Fair enough, but perhaps you need to understand the difference between privacy and secretiveness.
If your son was thrilled to bits he'd found a like minded soul on the internet, wouldn't he be !!!! a hoop and telling you all about it, right from the start?
Making sure none of the family saw her picture on his computer doesn't spell him guarding his privacy to me, it spells being secretive about what he's up to.

Calien27

He's meeting someone from the internet for the first time, it's natural to ask questions and be curious about this person your son is apparently quite fond of. Heck I met my boyfriend through a friend and my dad was still incredibly curious about this man I was going to have a coffee and sandwich with, I didn't see it as him interrogating me, but just being a parent and making sure all was well and as it seemed.

Are you going to get to meet this woman, if only briefly to say hello?

totallybored

OP, I have to say but I think you're completely mad and haven't taken anything anyone has said on board. You seem to be !!!!!footing around your son, feeling bad about trying to get information from him and sticking your head in the sand 'hoping the meeting goes well'. By your own admission your son is naive, he still lives at home and is only barely past being a teenager. I think you need to 'man up' about this and stop him from spending any money on this woman. He may be 20 but he lives in your house and you're the most influential person in his life. By all means encourage her to visit if she pays for her own tickets. We might all be surprised if she does but I somehow doubt she will.

Jox

It's a bit of a risk for the lady from Wisconsin to travel to the UK to spend time in a hotel with a young man she hasn't seen on Skype.

It will cost her approx $150 for a passport. Does she have the money for this or will she ask your son to pay?

She won't need a visa for a short visit.

Here is some info from the UKBA website to consider.

http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/visas-immigration/visiting/

Keep us posted how it all goes

marisco_2

jaqui59 wrote: »

He was very honest with me earlier when I asked about her, and it seems she certainly has a few problems, sadly to include two boys aged 5 and 7 that she cant deal with/doesn't want anymore, an uncaring mother who deals in drugs, and a very violent father, and from the sound of it she has some fairly serious mental health issues too, but he said he really wants to help her as he likes her so very much.

It sounds as if you have a fantastic relationship with your son. He has listened to you and agreed that it is better for this woman to visit the UK, than for him to go to the States. Such is the healthy state of your relationship that he has felt able to be so open and honest with you about this womans past.

I dont know your son and I note that you do not wish to interfere in his relationship with this woman. It is clear however that she has had a childhood and been raised in a way far removed from his experiences. It would be a wise move to talk to him about what he is getting involved in and the enormity of the problems this woman has. I dont like to judge but she is leaving behind two children in the States, that she apparently cant cope with/doesn't want with an uncaring mum who deals in drugs and a violent father, to visit a man she barely knows. Her priorities and to be honest her motives for this visit are questionable and I would hate to think your son could get used or emotionally hurt.

Errata

Jox wrote: »

It's a bit of a risk for the lady from Wisconsin to travel to the UK to spend time in a hotel with a young man she hasn't seen on Skype.

It will cost her approx $150 for a passport. Does she have the money for this or will she ask your son to pay?

I doubt it. Her mother buys all the food for her and her children and also pays her rent.

thatgirlsam

Op I also think it sounds like you have a great relationship with your son. As you say, he is 20 years old and actually doesn't have to tell you a damn thing about what he gets up to, it is good that he wants to.

At the age of 20 I wouldn't have wanted my mother interfering in my life and probably would have done whatever it was she was telling me not to, to spite her for sticking her nose in

But obviously there are some worries with him meeting this girl! But... you could quite easily meet someone who is a weirdo, or has an awful family, or is going to rip you off in the local pub to be fair.

He will not know she is genuine till he meets her. He might lose the price of her ticket in finding out, maybe he thinks it is worth it. He must do.

Can you come back at some point and tell us how it went?

Fwiw I met a lovely guy on the internet! Who was better than he said he was :-)