Kids living at home.

milkydrink

Just my 2p worth.

We do have children to support & look after (I don't really think that stops at 18).

I think it is fair to ask them to contribute to any extra expenses incurred while they are living at home & working.

BUT I'm not convinced its right to expect them to contribute towards rent, insurance, sky, tv licence, ect. Bills that are the same anyway. After all we're not out to profit from them are we, its up to us to help them as children & young adults.

IF your finances are very strapped & you NEED their help with what are set household bills then it would be nice for them to help out & I'm sure most would.

But I think its not fair to expect them to pay your bills, just their share of food, utilities, things that are "really" extra because they are there.

PS that is directed to no one in particular, when I say "your" I mean people in general.

Nicki

Sorry I've only skimmed the thread, so apologies if I've repeated points already made.

Anyway, I think it makes a difference whether the parent needs the contribution or not, and that asking the child to contribute is not just about teaching them budgetting skills, its also about teaching relationship skills.

If the parent needs the contribution because money is really tight, then I think that parent and child need to sit down and look at all the outgoings in the house, and all the income, and come to an arrangement which is fair - just as you would do if you were moving in with a new partner. This will teach the child both about the costs of running a house, but also about the need for compassion and generosity in a relationship and the importance of give and take. Of course as a parent, if you can, you might want to give the child a bit more disposable income than you have left at the end of the month for yourself, but assuming that you earn more than your child does, you will still be paying the lions share of the expenses.

If you can afford to live in the house in the same way without making any concessions, then I would go down the path of asking for a percentage of the child's wages. What that percentage should be is a matter for individual choice I think, and may depend on how much they earn in the first place. Obviously even if you can afford it, you still want your child to learn relationship skills but as paying rent to more well off parents seems to be a sore spot for some children, you may want to find another avenue to do this for the sake of a quieter life!

kr15snw

From my own experiences:

When to start: One I had a regular part time job I started paying rent, although it wasnt much. This was when I was 18 and was at college still (now at uni). I was earning £300 a month and I paid £50 a month to my parents. They and I thought this was fair as I was still in FT education.

Paying the internet etc: The main reason we pay this is because we didnt have it in the first place and me and my brothers wanted it. Im the youngest (20) so my parents were very honest with us. "We cant afford it, but if you 3 want it then feel free to buy it yourself. But dont expect a penny off us." And with the sky, my brother had that in the conservatory (which was like his office) and was all in his name and he paid in full. When he moved out nearly a year ago me and other brother really didnt want to lose it! So we now pay for it between the 2 of us. Im not sure how much rent my brother pays but hes earning around £15k a year, I think and still lives at home. He does help out in the garden and with the DIY though (well, he does it).

A suggestion for nenen. When my boyfriend first started working (all those years ago). His parents made him pay the usual amount of rent / board. This was more than it cost them to keep him there, but they wanted to get him used to paying. The day he announced he was looking at a house they produced a cheque for £10,000. This is what they had saved over the past 12 years of his rent. Obviously this was only the 'extra' money that they didnt need to spend on his food, share of bills etc. He was exstatic as this was his deposit sorted!

How about you keep some of the money back each month? But dont tell him your doing it. That way when he says hes going to start looking at buying a house, you can help him. Well actually your helping him help himself. If that makes sense!

bettyboop61

Just a quick note, I have the same with my eldest son who lives at home, he only pays 150 a month board to us, and when i broach the subject of perhaps increasing it, because of the mortgage rate rises and our electricity payments have gone up, he cheekily says 'well I didn't ask to be born'. What can I say to that, because its true in a way. my youngest son who is only 19 has already left home and shares a flat with his mate, I just wish my eldest would as well he's 24 by the way, I love him but its time for him to fly the nest now I think.

bettty

arthur_dent_2

10 years ago I paid £45 a week from a take home salary of approx £135. On top of this I also took my parents out for meals paid for a lot of the extra /treat shopping. Gave money to my mum for ironing and helped out whenever necessary. My brother who is still at home and earns a LOT more than I ever did pays about £50 a week.

Oldernotwiser

kimevans wrote: »

Just my 2p worth.

We do have children to support & look after (I don't really think that stops at 18).

I think it is fair to ask them to contribute to any extra expenses incurred while they are living at home & working.

BUT I'm not convinced its right to expect them to contribute towards rent, insurance, sky, tv licence, ect. Bills that are the same anyway. After all we're not out to profit from them are we, its up to us to help them as children & young adults.

IF your finances are very strapped & you NEED their help with what are set household bills then it would be nice for them to help out & I'm sure most would.

But I think its not fair to expect them to pay your bills, just their share of food, utilities, things that are "really" extra because they are there.

PS that is directed to no one in particular, when I say "your" I mean people in general.

I think that a lot of this depends on your definition of things. For example, obviously parents "support" their children all their lives but that doesn't have to be financial support. More importantly, I disagree with your definition of "help" for young people. How are you helping them by letting them just pay their extra costs rather than their full share? I know they'll be delighted at having such a lot of money available to them to spend but is that doing them any good? Is it preparing them for independent adulthood, which is, after all, the main purpose of parenting?

I think that it's fair enough to save any excess money for them (WITHOUT LETTING THEM KNOW!), if you feel that you don't want to "profit" from them but I think it important that people learn to pay their way. On another thread, someone described living at home as "sharing with people you know" and I think that this is the way to approach things. If you started to share a flat with a couple of existing tenants you wouldn't expect to avoid paying bills because they're already paying them.

Too many people worry about their children "liking" them rather than doing what's right and many use this to emotionally blackmail their parents, as the OP's son seems to be doing. I've only recently been a mature student at university and if you heard the way many young people talk about getting money from their parents you would be truly shocked! The number of parents I know who manage to believe their adult children live at home because they love them so much, when really many of them only want a free ride. If these parents were to ask for a fair amount for board and lodgings (and also to enforce house rules regarding housework and having people sleeping over) they'd see how many of their children made a very speedy exit.

You can't buy people's affection!

milkydrink

bettyboop61 wrote: »

Just a quick note, I have the same with my eldest son who lives at home, he only pays 150 a month board to us, and when i broach the subject of perhaps increasing it, because of the mortgage rate rises and our electricity payments have gone up, he cheekily says 'well I didn't ask to be born'. What can I say to that, because its true in a way. my youngest son who is only 19 has already left home and shares a flat with his mate, I just wish my eldest would as well he's 24 by the way, I love him but its time for him to fly the nest now I think.

bettty

My daughter is 20 next week & still in college 3 days per week.
Sometimes she does casual office work & earns extra money, I've never asked her for any of this, actually I still give her about £70 PM pocket money & lifts to college & work. She gets the ALG of £30 PW as well (she never got the EMA, as a lot of her friends did).
I will be stopping the pocket money next month as she will be starting full time work in July, we haven't discussed rent!

milkydrink

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

You can't buy people's affection!

I'm not trying to buy my daughters affection. But "you're only young once" & I think there are plenty of years ahead for her to worry about bills.
I know my daughter lives at home because she loves us & we love her. She knows she has an "easy ride" & is grateful for it.

Oldernotwiser

Duplicate post

Oldernotwiser

kimevans wrote: »

I'm not trying to buy my daughters affection. But "you're only young once" & I think there are plenty of years ahead for her to worry about bills.
I know my daughter lives at home because she loves us & we love her. She knows she has an "easy ride" & is grateful for it.

I wasn't aiming my remark at you and anyway your daughter is in non advanced education so the situation is different. I'm sure she's a lovely girl but don't you think that she'd be happy to feel that she's working towards independence and take pride in knowing that she was standing on her own two feet? Parents who subsidise their adult children too heavily deprive them of this pleasure, which, I think, is a shame.

I just really don't agree with your first comment. You're talking about stopping her developing important survival skills. It's as if you said of a bright 7 year old "there's plenty of years ahead to worry about reading and writing".