Kids living at home.

pollyanna24

Hmm, very interesting thread. My mum and dad charged me and my bf (he moved in when I was 18) £100 each a month from our wages regardless of what we earned. This was in order to help us save for a house which we did. Bought our first one when I was 21. My older brother, who is still at home, pays £100 in order that he can save up to buy somewhere (although at 28, I think he should enough money behind him by now!).

Now we have my b-i-l living with us and he is 18. He pays £120 out of his £900 wages and he thinks this is a fortune and gives him the right to eat us out of house and house as he pays for food (bf made the mistake of saying that the money he gives us contributes towards groceries).

barnesy_2

My kids are still too young to pay me. However, the rule in my parents house was contribute a third, save a third and spend a third.

ftbworried

Is she studying and working PT- or does she just work part-time on it's own?

I'd say if she's a student then perhaps the rent is too high *ducks her head*. However, if her PT is her only commitment then I'd say she should pay more rent (to encourage her to get a full-time job )

My parents never charged me rent while I was at home and studying (although I offered), neither did my DHs. But if I ever lived there while having a 'main' job then I'd have to pay rent.

Claire_Jones_3

I paid my parents a 1/3 of my wages before tax or 1/4 afterwards, was about £350 per month. It was a lot less than my BF (now hubby) paid his mum but I was happy I was paying my way. What I didn't know is that my parents were using half towards bills etc and saving half for me. When I moved out they gave me £3500 towards the deposit and told me what they had been doing.

It has really helped me with budgeting and money skills in general. At one point I was full time at college and running 5 different part time jobs! everything from cleaning houses, babysitting to working at McDonalds but I managed to save enough to spend £6000 cash on my dream car (which I still have & love!), save deposit for property, have holidays with friends and save enough for my tutition fees for first year at Uni. Even now other than my mortgage (necessary evil) I have no outstanding debt.

I'm so grateful for the things my parents have taught me and all the things they still will teach me and I hope to be somewhere near as good with my own children. Number 1 is giving me a good rib kicking as we type!

betterlatethannever

ftbworried wrote: »

Is she studying and working PT- or does she just work part-time on it's own?

No she just works part time at the mo.

Nenen

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I think you should take her step by step through the household outgoings. Don't get distracted by what you would be paying 'anyway'

This arguement from my ds is really getting me down at the moment and I'd appreciate some opinions! I must say in his defence he is extremely hardworking and we're really proud of him but I seem to have hit a bit of a brick wall over this and am feeling really mean!

Our ds is almost 22 and just finishing his degree as I type (final exam was Friday)! He has been offered a job local to us and is keen to take it (salary is £17,000 so take home pay will be approx £250 per week I guess). He intends to work for a year or so and live with us relatively cheaply so that he can pay off his overdraft and credit cards and then save to go travelling to Australia. I'm behind him all the way with that idea.... so far so good!

I thought we'd been fairly generous in never charging any housekeeping/rent all the time my ds was in full time education.... indeed while he was at 6th form we continued to give him 'pocket money' albeit a rather meagre amount (all we could afford was around £5-10 per week plus bus fares and lunch money) even though he was earning about £50 per week in a part time job. All the way through uni we have paid his tuition fees and let him stay at home in the holidays free while he worked full time (plus give him the odd £20 or food parcel). I must say he has always been good about helping out round the house with washing, cooking, mowing lawn and other chores etc. without ever asking for or expecting payment.

However, lots of the other students he has been mixing with have parents who have not only paid their fees but also given them monthly allowances or even in some cases paid all their rent plus money for food etc. He has shared a house for the last two years with a group, one of whom had a family that not only paid all his bills but made him a user of his dad's credit card and he thought nothing of going out and ordering a new widescreen TV or laptop on it! I think my ds feels a little hard done by in comparison although he never actually says that (indeed he has commented on how little his housemate appreciates what he has and how bad he is with money etc).

Anyway... when I mentioned to my ds that I thought he should pay housekeeping of £40-£50 per week (to include all food, washing stuff, broadband, landline phone, electicity bills etc) once he returns to live here and starts his new job, he looked astonished. He muttered something about it not costing that much to keep him here and acted like we would be making an unfair profit out of him. I realise that it will probably only cost us somewhere in the region of £20 per week to actually feed him and pay the extra electricity costs etc he will generate but obviously £50 per week all inclusive is nothing compared to what he would be paying if he had his own place. Indeed, just his share of the rent at uni was £65 per week with food and bills on top.

When I mentioned he would have wireless interent connection included his attitude was 'well you'd be paying for that anyway irrespective of whether or not I come home and use it'. I must say, I can't fault that logic and it is making me feel a bit guilty really. The fact is that my dh and I earn reasonable wages but got into financial difficulties 10 years ago and have just finished paying off a huge debt of over 50K. We have had to be very careful with money for the last 10 years so it would be really nice to have a bit of extra money coming in, although the truth is we could manage without it if we had to.

We've always had such a good relationship with our ds and I really don't want to fall out with him over this or for any of us to feel resentlful over money. My dh is a wonderful, easy going sort who has no idea about money... hence previous debt problems.., so he is completely oblivious and will go along with whatever ds and I agree to!

I suppose what gets me most is that if I really thought ds would be putting almost all his money into paying off his debts and then saving hard I wouldn't mind going without myself too but I know that this isn't likely! He has already ordered a top of the range laptop and new car stereo system to replace a perfectly adequate one in the car he has just bought to get him to work. The car he has bought is 8 years newer than my old banger that I can't afford to replace! While I don't begrudge ds treating himself after all his hard work and tight finances through uni I really resent him thinking that he can live at home and spend all his money on himself while we continue to subsidise him at age 22 and have less to spend on ourselves each month than he will.... or am I being really mean????

Elle00

At 22, re poster above me, yes he flaming well can pay £50 a month out of a £17,000 salary as his take home will be around £270 per week leaving him with a small fortune to squander. I was divorced with a child at 22 and would have given anything for a £17k salary and £50 a month fully equipped house not to mention loving, supportive and encouraging parents - the ungrateful so and so.

Your son needs to grow up; he is an adult now. If he thinks he's got it rough he should try talking to those of us who live in the real world and didn't get a damn penny from our parents since they were 15yrs old. Or better yet, those that don't have any parents and live in care homes and halfway houses. I'm sure you love your son dearly and don't want to think ill of him but he sounds like a right scrounger to me. It's lovely that he helps around the house but if he's been living off other people at uni and now expects you to supliment his lifestyle instead he is doing just that.

In response to his "logic" you might like to point out that decent human beings tend to put morality above logic. It is not FAIR that he sponges off you to live the high life while all your earnings get spent on a house and utilities that he is getting full use of. He might like to consider all the things you've done for him over the years, and you sound like you're the sort of Mum who's done a lot, and ask him if he really thinks it's fair that he can afford expensive computers while you can't afford to get your hair done this month or go on a nice holiday in the summer. Sharing is what adult family units should do to ensure everyone enjoys the same standard of life - same principal as in relationships.

ailuro2

Tell him it is one quarter of his wages, he is going to be a 'working man' and he will still be able to save for Oz from the other 3/4.

You have bent over backwards to help him- and while you don't want to ruin what sounds klike a pretty good relationship, you do need to explain to him everything you have told us- that you scrimped and saved all these years and would like to let your belt out a bit and maybe even have some cash spare to buy a car nearer the same age as his!

kr15snw

I would definately charge him at least £50 a week. Hes paying for your services aswell! (Cooking, cleaning etc).

And as to the internet, in our house its simple. If you want wireless net you pay for it, if you want sky in the house you pay for it. For the past 2 years me and my brother have been splitting the internet bills between us. My parents have now bought their own laptop and now were splitting it 4 ways instead (yay, its got cheaper!). Sky is split 4 ways between the household. When we needed a new router a few weeks ago, me and my brother bought it between us. Now we need another part for the wireless its being paid by all 4 of us as my parents are now using the net aswell.

LilMissEmmylou

cor blimey some people dont seem to know they are even born with the prices they are (or rnt in some cases) paying their parents. I left home at 18 for uni and paid my own way for rent, etc etc by working. Why should my parents have had to pay to look after me? I was a flipping adult! I honestly think if your in a full time job and paying a pittyful sum to live at your parents house your being selfish and unrealistic.

Was it babe or baby in the last page who earns £14k but pays just over £1k a yr rent - oh my goodness try finding somewhere in the real world for that, even a room in halls at university would cost you more.

My mums rule was if i was in education i could live rent free (although i left while still in education) but if i worked i would have had to pay her. Just right too I say. Ive always liked to pay my own way, even when i lived at home! Thankfuly because of that being in the real world wasnt a bit of a culture shock to me like it is to some folk.

*rant over*