My savings ..our or my money?!

Dunroamin

Hushpuppie wrote: »

Yes it may be more, he lost alot from divorce but that has nothing to do with me or am I supposed to suffer the ill effects from that?

When you marry someone, you have to take them baggage and all - you can't just close a door on an earlier part of their life and pretend it hasn't happened. What's happened earlier in his life has made him the man you know and love today, just as your past has been part of the formation of your character.

VestanPance

I'd say the real issue here is you don't have clearly defined house rules about your expenses, because if you did you wouldn't have had this argument.

I think it sounds like the OP and her husband need to sit down and talk through all monthly expenditure and how they want to plan it out, including what is each persons "free spend" allowance.

VestanPance

Dunroamin wrote: »

When you marry someone, you have to take them baggage and all - you can't just close a door on an earlier part of their life and pretend it hasn't happened. What's happened earlier in his life has made him the man you know and love today, just as your past has been part of the formation of your character.

I agree with this too. If you take on a partner in later life you have to accept the good and the bad that they bring to the relationship from their life experiences.

dundeediva

I would say this totally depends on the normal day to day circumstances with money. My OH and I put all our money in one pot, so i wouldn't buy something for that amount without telling him. I dont mean i would "ask" him IYSWIM as its my money too but i would let him know before i bought it and would expect the same from him.

lazer

Hushpuppie wrote: »

and I work very hard bringing up our daughter
she does not go without I buy all her food clothes toys etc
yes he pays for the bills and mortgage but how can I go out to work and pay for other bills take her with me? my income would all go on childcare

I am very much in favour of SAHP, and if I have ever have children i would hope that finances coul be sorted so i could b at home with our child.

You are making a very valuable contribution to the household, and so is he. As someone said - you are equal partners.

You did not answer the main point though - which was does he have £150 to spend on a tablet if he wanted one? If not I think its unfair as its unequal.

You have a child together, you are married, you have made that committment, so in my view your savings from pre marriage now belong to both of you and he should have access to the money too.

I bought a house before we got married, paid the deposit from my savings, but the house will now be transferred into both our names, our savings our now joint as well.

Mojisola

Dunroamin wrote: »

When you marry someone, you have to take them baggage and all - you can't just close a door on an earlier part of their life and pretend it hasn't happened. What's happened earlier in his life has made him the man you know and love today, just as your past has been part of the formation of your character.

Our past experiences can leave "trigger points" which are extra-sensitive. His reaction to your purchase might be because it's one of his sensitive areas caused by his ex's behaviour.

It could take him a long time to let go of such knee-jerk reactions. As usual, it's talking about it that helps.

It sounds very strange to me that you use your £200 to pay for the clothes, food, toys, etc of your joint child.

Did the two of you ever discuss how the family money should be managed or did it just sort of happen?

Gloomendoom

Hushpuppie wrote: »

I recently bought a tablet computer cost 150.00 my husband didnt seem happy..I said its out of my savings not household or his or anyones...

Each to their own. We work on an all money ours principle even if it is scattered around in different pots.

I wouldn't mind if my wife bought spent £150 on a tablet computer or a handbag. However, I might if we were having to watch the pennies.

If it wasn't an impulse buy, I'd also be a bit surprised if it hadn't previously come up in the course of normal day to day husband/wife chitter chatter.

Hushpuppie_2

Mojisola wrote: »

Our past experiences can leave "trigger points" which are extra-sensitive. His reaction to your purchase might be because it's one of his sensitive areas caused by his ex's behaviour.

It could take him a long time to let go of such knee-jerk reactions. As usual, it's talking about it that helps.

It sounds very strange to me that you use your £200 to pay for the clothes, food, toys, etc of your joint child.

Did the two of you ever discuss how the family money should be managed or did it just sort of happen?

Why do you find it strange? do you think that I shouldnt pay it? its his way of making life in our house 'fairer' I guess. It doesnt bother me its 200, wont get rich saving it!

Hushpuppie_2

lazer wrote: »

I am very much in favour of SAHP, and if I have ever have children i would hope that finances coul be sorted so i could b at home with our child.

You are making a very valuable contribution to the household, and so is he. As someone said - you are equal partners.

You did not answer the main point though - which was does he have £150 to spend on a tablet if he wanted one? If not I think its unfair as its unequal.

You have a child together, you are married, you have made that committment, so in my view your savings from pre marriage now belong to both of you and he should have access to the money too.

I bought a house before we got married, paid the deposit from my savings, but the house will now be transferred into both our names, our savings our now joint as well.

no he does not have 150 spare but why is it unfair that I cant have tablet either? im not the one who spent all savings on solictors . so does that mean its unfair that I put in 70,000 cash into buying this house and he didnt surely thats not fair on me? but im not complaining there

ps it will be a very very long time before he ever puts the same in as I did
so for anyone who thinks im being unfair I have paid loads more than him and its fine! he pays the mortage and bills

Dunroamin

Hushpuppie wrote: »

no he does not have 150 spare but why is it unfair that I cant have tablet either? im not the one who spent all savings on solictors . so does that mean its unfair that I put in 70,000 cash into buying this house and he didnt surely thats not fair on me? but im not complaining there

ps it will be a very very long time before he ever puts the same in as I did
so for anyone who thinks im being unfair I have paid loads more than him and its fine! he pays the mortage and bills

I really think you need to reflect on your reasons for getting married and, in fact, the whole concept of it. I would even suggest that counselling might be a good idea for you both.

In any case, surely the tablet you bought is for both of you rather than something to hug tightly to your chest shouting "mine!"?