My savings ..our or my money?!

quinechinoise

Teeniepops wrote: »

Probably if it was something that was a luxury and not necessity (I.e. new iPod V new glasses). But whenever I do ask, it's more a heads-up than ask for permission because I never buy things we can't afford

^Agree with this. I think my last pair of glasses were about 300 quid - that's not something I'd "ask" before buying; I wouldn't think twice about it. An iPod is a lot cheaper but I wouldn't go out and buy one - and I'd be hacked off if my husband did that.

Bit odd, isn't it? I seem quite reluctant to spend anything significant on myself (for non-essentials) since we had kids. Same goes for my husband, really. Maybe your husband feels the same way, OP...? You mention a daughter.

Hushpuppie_2

peachyprice wrote: »

Did he know you still had savings, or does he think you've been squirelling money away to buy the tablet?

I can see that if he has no savings and he didn't know you had any that he could possibly peeved that you've managed to scramble enough money together to buy a tablet which would have meant diverting money from elsewhere.

On the other had, if he knew you have savings and he is in a similar position it's none of his business what you spend your savings on and he is free to do the same.

Yes he knows I have savings its money I saved before we met when I worked full time ,I didnt save it to bail him out forever! I could of very well had 3 big holidays new car every year but chose to save instead so im able to treat myself and him and our daughter birthday is soon ..all this I can do UNTIL I go back to work when she is in full time school

osian

I'm mostly a SAHM, but do have some savings from pre-children. We have a joint account that my husband' s salary goes into and we spend/ save from that and any spare money gets sweeped into a savings account in my name to avoid tax. When we got together we were both young and in the same position as each other with no assets, so a different situation to you.

There's no rule, but in general if we are spending more than about £40 on something we'll just say something like 'Just going to buy X, OK?'. That said, if one of us did buy something without telling the other it wouldn't matter and no-one would sulk. We do have the same attitude to money and how we spend/save (both tight) though so that helps.

What do you think he would have said if you had said ' Just going to spend £150 on a tablet, ok?'. Would he have argued with you at that point? What does he do with the money, does he spend as he wishes or does this 'rule' only apply to you? Is he jealous of the tablet, and would it be the same reaction if it was make up or a handbag etc? Is it a control thing or is he ok in that respect?

peachyprice

Hushpuppie wrote: »

Yes he knows I have savings its money I saved before we met when I worked full time ,I didnt save it to bail him out forever! I could of very well had 3 big holidays new car every year but chose to save instead so im able to treat myself and him and our daughter birthday is soon ..all this I can do UNTIL I go back to work when she is in full time school

Sounds like he's just jealous then! Enjoy your tablet.

Alikay

I wouldn't ask, as such, but we always discuss large purchases, and since a tablet computer (or handbag) falls into the "treats and extras" bracket in our house, it would seem very rude and selfish for either of us to unilaterally take off and buy one for ourselves.

I'd be hurt rather than angry if DH did similar. Also, lots of men like shopping for techie things, so maybe the OP's husband would've quite liked to have chosen together.

Hushpuppie_2

quinechinoise wrote: »

^Agree with this. I think my last pair of glasses were about 300 quid - that's not something I'd "ask" before buying; I wouldn't think twice about it. An iPod is a lot cheaper but I wouldn't go out and buy one - and I'd be hacked off if my husband did that.

Bit odd, isn't it? I seem quite reluctant to spend anything significant on myself (for non-essentials) since we had kids. Same goes for my husband, really. Maybe your husband feels the same way, OP...? You mention a daughter.

I understand but its money I saved before we met over years and years and could of very easliy spent it before we met anyway

my dad had 36,000 thousand saved when he died at 58 yrs old he never spent it ,lived in old clothes etc, he 'was' going to spend and treat himself when all his children were settled but time ran out it still upsets me...please dont think im buying stuff like a tablet as a direct reason from my dads example

[Deleted User]

Hushpuppie wrote: »

I understand but its money I saved before we met over years and years and could of very easliy spent it before we met anyway

my dad had 36,000 thousand saved when he died at 58 yrs old he never spent it ,lived in old clothes etc, he 'was' going to spend and treat himself when all his children were settled but time ran out it still upsets me...please dont think im buying stuff like a tablet as a direct reason from my dads example

Are you married? Do you consider your finances joint?

I think you should at least discuss large purchases with your OH rather than financially belittle him ("well it's my money, I can spend it how I want ect")

Hushpuppie_2

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Are you married? Do you consider your finances joint?

I think you should at least discuss large purchases with your OH rather than financially belittle him ("well it's my money, I can spend it how I want ect")

yes we are married , I dont belittle him and cant join finances as all the 200 i make from my house is spent on food nappies etc

[Deleted User]

Hushpuppie wrote: »

yes we are married , I dont belittle him and cant join finances as all the 200 i make from my house is spent on food nappies etc

I don't mean 'actually' joining them (i..e just use a joint account). I don't do that either.

I have a current account and a few savings accounts. We have a joint savings account, my wife has her savings... but it's not allocated to either person really. It's all 'our' money. E.g. I'd never consider lending her money.. it's all ours so i'd just give it her.

So, when it comes to buying stuff that's non-essential, we tend to chat about it. We're not really 'big spenders' but we just like to communicate this stuff to prevent arguments like yours

lazer

So from what I understand

You a stay at home mum, and contribute the £200 from your house rental to the household pot

Your husband works and everything he makes is either spent on child maintenance or contributed to the household pot.
Does any of his income get saved - or is there enough left over for some personal spends for him? ie - could he go out and buy a tablet if he wants?

If the answer to this is no and all his income is spent on essentials, he is working very hard to provide for you and your daughter, then I can see why he is resentful of you being able to buy the tablet, if he can't.
He may have lost savings fighting his divorce, but that is in the past, and he obviously belived he needed to fight it.

I think to prevent this issue of resentfulness of you making significant purchases while he is the one earning the money and cannot afford signifance purchases then you should consider transferring some of the savings into his name - I would consider any money either of you have to be joint money.