My savings ..our or my money?!

Person_one

sassyblue wrote: »

they are equal partners, no?

Isn't that the point?

They aren't equal partners right now, it seems more like 'your money is for all of us but my money is for me'.

Equal partnerships don't see one partner with vast savings and able to afford luxuries on a whim while the other partner is close to the wire every month.

If I were the OP or her husband, I'd want all finances to be joint (even the child support) and for each of us to get a small (equal) amount of 'spends' each month for personal use. Anything bigger than the 'spends' should be discussed.

valk_scot

aliama wrote: »

Or to put it another way, the OP is supporting her husband by providing free childcare, enabling him to work without having to worry about who's looking after the kids.

Sorry, but it's something of a bugbear of mine that often the input of stay-at-home parents is overlooked or considered worthless because they're not providing a financial income.

I am a SAHM and get your point completely. But in the end it's my OH's work that puts the pay cheque in the bank that pays the bills, so financially he is supporting me and the kids. I contribute in other ways.

I do have a very small income of my own from occassional tutoring but I don't regard that as mine to spend as I want, I just throw it into the pot too. It's all our money in the end, we work as a team. Neither of us would feel right if we took £150 out the pot to buy ourself something that we didn't need, not without consulting the other first.

seashore22

We don't have "his" and "hers" money, we have "our" money. Seems to work fine. My husband has always earned considerably more than me so that's just as well.

Anything up to about £50 we would usually just buy. Any more than that and we discuss it and then probably buy it because neither of us are extravagant with cash.

I would be very upset if my husband treated his wages as anything other than a family fund. My wages would also benefit all of us.

pigpen

ringo_24601 wrote: »

Wow.. just wow. I do hope you've got some serious disposable income if he is looking at a £5k watch. Does he know how badly they depreciate?

He wants it engraving, it will be worth nothing.

Come to think of it, when I bought large housey stuff I asked his opinion on which to get but not whether I was getting it or not. I even listened to his opinion sometimes

[Deleted User]

pigpen wrote: »

He wants it engraving, it will be worth nothing.

Come to think of it, when I bought large housey stuff I asked his opinion on which to get but not whether I was getting it or not. I even listened to his opinion sometimes

It's funny.. I got my bonus from work on Monday. I worked hard and managed to get a '150%' contribution from the bonus pot (the highest possible). At no point have I considered that money 'mine' to spend on triviality. My 'wants' come last after the kids, then my wife.

Just think - you could have a nice family holiday on £5k... BUT, we're not in the financial position we can consider such huge personal treats. Plus i'd much rather spent that sort of money on camera equipment than 'man jewelry'

pigpen

I'd rather he got a watch lol

I could have the kitchen ceiling fixed, the gutter replaced, a new bath/shower, tile the kitchen and transfer the house deeds... and probably still have change for laminate and underfloor heating in the back room

valk_scot

tara747 wrote: »

I understood that the pot of savings went into their current house and that the OP only has the £200 a month?

The husband is supporting the family, but the OP is a SAHM and, as such, saving them £££ each month. If she were working, they'd be no better off, and would have the added pressures of less time for housework etc, perhaps less home cooking.

But I agree - if money is tight then buying oneself an expensive gadget while the other person cannot is unfair.

She did say in her first post the money for the tablet was coming out of her savings. But if it didn't, where did the money come from? Did she take it off the £200 she pays in per month from rents, thus leaving the household budget £150 short? Which sounds as if it would be a bit of a disaster if the OH doesn't have extra left over at the end of the month to make up the shortfall. But my understanding is that she does have some extra savings elsewhere that she keeps seperate.

FBaby

Gosh, I've only been to the end of page 2 OP and I can't believe your attitude.

You say you took a loan out of YOUR house to put in this house, but surely if you are married, BOTH houses are joint, so that loan you claim YOU took really is a debt to both of you? Or are you saying that if he dumps you tomorrow, you will give him your current house and take yours WITH the loan.

Oh and when he retires and gets a nice pension and you will get none of little, will you think it totally ok that he spends all his pension on things for him whilst you have no savings? And if he gets inheritance from his parents, will this also be only for him to spend?

I can't believe that you are holding it against him that he spend much of his savings trying to gain better access to his children. Even if it didn't turn out the way he wished, it was the best money to spend on.

You sound incredibly self-centred. The fact that you can't appreciate how your partner might be feeling. He going to work all day long, with all his money going on the bills, whilst you get to enjoy spending all your time with your child yet not having a penny to spend on himself whilst you go and buy something that is just a luxury non-essential item and fire at him that it is your right because it is YOUR savings. Poor guy

Mr_Toad

When it came to personal spending my ex, who I'm still on very good terms with, and me had an agreement.

That agreement was that we could do as we liked as long as it didn't put the family in financial jeopardy and we could afford whatever it was.

She likes good clothes, shoes and handbags etc. I liked guitars and computer stuff.

I never once moaned or complained about her spending, she always looked good. And she never once moaned when I came home with a new guitar or anything else.

I think it's all about trust and respect.

What did for me was our daughter. I'm afraid I was captivated by her, putty in her hands, it was the way she said Daddeeeee.

I've lost count of the times I said "keep this to yourself, don't tell Mum" etc. She always agreed, and what was the first thing she did?

Mum, mum, look what Daddeee bought me! This was, depending on the severity, followed by "You did what?" "How much?!"

squirrelchops

My savings = my money. OH's savings = OH money.

Seeing as savings are normally used on joint treats e.g holidays or boring stugg e.g. boiler needs repairing. Other things e.g. a new computer or the like would be discussed but if I said to OH that I was booking a girly break away or buying an I pad that would be up to me.