My savings ..our or my money?!

moneysaymoneydo

Ok a pre nup is looking good ;-) seriously getting back to the main part of the thread the op said she is feeling 'resentful' she has some savings and has spent a substantial amount of her own money ploughing into the family home for her, her husband and their daughter whilst her husband has spent some of "their" joint cash with matters to do with his children to first wife, now sorry but from OP's point of view that has to make a difference so he is allowed to pay child maintenance of say 200 a month for his kids yet he sulks when she buys a tablet from her money? something wrong here although i will say OP should see that he has baggage and other kids to pay for but personally i dont blame her for holding it back she has her own daughter to think of.

She can take piece of mind though that worse case he will pay for their daughter too hopefully like he pays for first batch of offspring!

claire16c

74jax wrote: »

I haven't a clue what my h2b has in the bank, I could take a guess and double it but I honestly haven't got any idea.

Do you mean you dont know how much he earns or you just dont know his latest bank balance?

I could imagine for people who have seperate accounts that you wouldnt know the exact penny they had of course, but surely you would know how much they earnt?

74jax

claire16c wrote: »

Do you mean you dont know how much he earns or you just dont know his latest bank balance?

I could imagine for people who have seperate accounts that you wouldnt know the exact penny they had of course, but surely you would know how much they earnt?

I know what he earns, roughly what he has left over each month, but as for savings I couldn't tell you. I don't think he'd know without serious workings out.

moneysaymoneydo

Claire - sometimes people who are comfortable dont need the ins and outs of what their partner earns if they are in a secure enough position, why would they? they have a rough idea and are aware everything is comfortable so not really an urgency to discuss, also a lot of people are private about money matters and older generation especially find it vulgar to discuss such things unless necessary of course but each to their own some like to sit down once married and say right joint account, joint savings, and want a blow by blow account of what each are spending the money on!

Dunroamin

squirrelchops wrote: »

So, are we saying then that when couples split up it is fine for things to be split 50/50 even if one contributed more financially to the relationship. What about when it is situations such as the Heather Mills/Paul McCartney split?

I'm not sure how relevant it is to consider the financial arrangements for divorce when thinking about how to arrange things during a marriage.

Dunroamin

moneysaymoneydo wrote: »

Claire - sometimes people who are comfortable dont need the ins and outs of what their partner earns if they are in a secure enough position, why would they? they have a rough idea and are aware everything is comfortable so not really an urgency to discuss, also a lot of people are private about money matters and older generation especially find it vulgar to discuss such things unless necessary of course but each to their own some like to sit down once married and say right joint account, joint savings, and want a blow by blow account of what each are spending the money on!

I would think that most people would do this sort of thing well before getting married rather than afterwards!

Mojisola

moneysaymoneydo wrote: »

Claire - sometimes people who are comfortable dont need the ins and outs of what their partner earns if they are in a secure enough position, why would they? they have a rough idea and are aware everything is comfortable so not really an urgency to discuss, also a lot of people are private about money matters and older generation especially find it vulgar to discuss such things unless necessary of course but each to their own some like to sit down once married and say right joint account, joint savings, and want a blow by blow account of what each are spending the money on!

While life is rolling along smoothly, there might not be any need. If your OH died suddenly or was very ill in hospital and you didn't have the basic information about what accounts they have, life could get very difficult.

If you need to claim benefits, you will be often be asked about your partner's money. Couples are treated as couples, not two separate individuals.

Anyone who takes the traditional marriage vows will have said something similar to "all that I have I share with you". I couldn't say this and then not be open about my earnings and savings.

Person_one

moneysaymoneydo wrote: »

Claire - sometimes people who are comfortable dont need the ins and outs of what their partner earns if they are in a secure enough position, why would they? they have a rough idea and are aware everything is comfortable so not really an urgency to discuss, also a lot of people are private about money matters and older generation especially find it vulgar to discuss such things unless necessary of course but each to their own some like to sit down once married and say right joint account, joint savings, and want a blow by blow account of what each are spending the money on!

A lot of people (women mostly) from 'older generations' found that not knowing the ins and outs of their finances left them up the proverbial creek when things went wrong one way or another.

74jax

Mojisola he's not secretive or anything, its just a topic that has never come up. Yes we're very fortunate to be in the position we're in and we know it. I've been a single mum with very little and know how quickly situations can change.

It is genuinly a conversation we've never had and I can't see how knowing would change anything. Yes we're getting married, it'll all be joint, but what I buy/he buys won't change.

Gloomendoom

Dunroamin wrote: »

I would think that most people would do this sort of thing well before getting married rather than afterwards!

I must admit we didn't. We didn't live together before we got married and kept our finances separate.