My savings ..our or my money?!

heartbreak_star

With us it's just that as long as we're comfortable, we don't see the need to interrogate each other.

We help each other when needed. We know roughly what the other does as a job (title etc) but not exact salaries. I give him mortgage/bills cash, any left over goes into a pot for house things.

Money isn't that big a deal as long as there is a roof over our heads and food on the table. If it gets to a very tight stage, then we discuss further.

HBS x

balletshoes

To be fair to the OP, she didn't say that she or her husband didn't know what each other's income/savings were.

Mojisola

heartbreak_star wrote: »

With us it's just that as long as we're comfortable, we don't see the need to interrogate each other.

"interrogate each other" :rotfl:

We don't do that, either. We talk to each other!

heartbreak_star

So do we...it's just we're not particularly bothered about talking money - asking about salaries and stuff would feel like an interrogation I know some would disagree but that's just us *chuckle*

HBS x

74jax

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I must admit we didn't. We didn't live together before we got married and kept our finances separate.

When we moved in together we did discuss how the finances would work, which property we would live in, which we would rent out etc, and how bills would be paid.

valk_scot wrote: »

However as you're happy (both happy?) with what you're doing, keep going. There's no rules. Can I suggest though that you both keep your financial information up to date and in a place where the other partner can access it easily if required, say in the instance of unexpected accident, long term illness or death? If one or other of you can no longer manage your affairs and the other gets power of attorney then it's very helpful to know where to actually look for your partner's money. It wouldn't be the first time someone died and a large pile of money never got claimed from a bank account that the family didn't realise existed.

That's a really good point and one we have looked into, when his dad dies many years ago and he inherited a large estate we thought it was all sorted, until several years later the solictors got back in touch saying they had just discovered another account and enclosed a cheque.

peachyprice wrote: »

Because it could be a big fat zero?

What would be? Sorry, blonde moment :rotfl:

poet123 wrote: »

To be honest, and this won’t be apopular view (!) it amazes me that two people who live together don’t trusteach other enough to be open about finances. I do think this notion of “his n hers” not “ours” is indicative of why a lot of why a lot of marriages end indivorce. Whichever way you dress it up it smacks of a fundamental mistrust ofthe other partner. If you live together as a couple you are a unit.

We always discuss big purchases, so I would have said I intend to buy xyz and that would have been it, although, as it was a techy item myhusband would probably have offered some input, whereas if it was a bag orclothes he wouldn’t get involved.

I think it is a popular view, I'm not sure to be honest. With passed relationships when I have lived week-2-week, we've had to account for every penny and each person know what is being spent on what. At this moment and in this relationship we really don't.

I mentioned the thread to him last night and the point I made about I doubt he would know how much he had in savings and he agreed, without getting settlements figures and accountant info he wouldn't know.

I think I might be a bit misleading in that it's not a secret, I just can't see why what we have in savings would change how we live.

I have an idea of current account/accessible money (but may be within 10-15k out) but as for savings I couldn't tell you if it was 750k/500k/250k, wouldn't have a clue.

claire16c

I just dont see how you can never ever have asked someone you are in a relationship with how much they get paid?

Or in fact - its not so much that, its more that I dont understand how it has never come up?

Anytime Ive ever got a new job Ive told my DH how much it pays and so does he. We dont even need to ask, its just part of the conversation. For example if you were deciding between two jobs or something.

Plus if you were to buy a house with someone you wouldnt even be able to know what budget you had unless you knew for mortgage purposes. So I guess you would find out then.

sassyblue

THEMONEYSPIDER wrote: »

How long do you think YOUR savings would last OP, if your husband left you and you had to go back to work, pay all your own bills, child care costs ect?

You heard it here first OP, you're a limpet, you'd be nothing without him!! :rotfl:

Gloomendoom

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Neither did we but that's surely all the more reason to discuss how you will work out your finances.

Maybe for some people. It obviously wasn't essential for us. If it had been, I'm sure we would have felt the ramifications by now.

74jax

claire16c wrote: »

I just dont see how you can never ever have asked someone you are in a relationship with how much they get paid?

Or in fact - its not so much that, its more that I dont understand how it has never come up?

Anytime Ive ever got a new job Ive told my DH how much it pays and so does he. We dont even need to ask, its just part of the conversation. For example if you were deciding between two jobs or something.

Plus if you were to buy a house with someone you wouldnt even be able to know what budget you had unless you knew for mortgage purposes. So I guess you would find out then.

74jax wrote: »

I know what he earns, roughly what he has left over each month, but as for savings I couldn't tell you. I don't think he'd know without serious workings out.

I do know how much he gets paid? I have an idea how much he has left each month, roughly his accessible money. What he has in savings? I haven't got a clue.

If we moved house, we'd look at selling one of the ones we have or we'd come to a conclusion of a price range we were happy to look in, we wouldn't 'up' the houses we looked at just because the money was there.

claire16c

74jax wrote: »

I do know how much he gets paid? I have an idea how much he has left each month, roughly his accessible money. What he has in savings? I haven't got a clue.

If we moved house, we'd look at selling one of the ones we have or we'd come to a conclusion of a price range we were happy to look in, we wouldn't 'up' the houses we looked at just because the money was there.

I meant heartbreak star or people like her who dont know.