My savings ..our or my money?!

moneysaymoneydo

Its different for every couple, some like to 'share eveything' some dont just like some women go shopping and hide how much tops theyve bought and pull out wardrobe months later so the husband thinks its an old one or the bloke who spends a lot more down the pub than he says, its nothing to do with hiding it its just what is important to one is not to another.

Same as these people that go through each others phones or open their mail that is just so wrong, oops sorry jezza kyle im talking now

FBaby

I agree, everybody have different ways of dealing with finances within their relationship and all that matters is that both are on the same wavelength. Clearly OP and her husband isn't and they will need to tackle this before resentment eat their relationship away.

heartbreak_star

I just don't see what the big deal is...as long as we're not in financial difficulty, where's the problem?

We already agreed if one of us was going to be short of cash, we'd talk about it and have.

We have been together nearly two years and lived together a year...but in my previous 10-year relationship we rarely had serious money talk unless there was a problem.

HBS x

ciderwithrosie_2

I think the difference is whether you are financially comfortable or not, if both of you have got the bills covered and have some of your own disposable income left then it's not essential to know how much each other earns or mention personal purchases.

However, if like us you are paying an IVA and your OH's wages can vary by a couple of hundred pounds some months, depending on days worked then it's fairly crucial to know exactly what's coming in and going out. I don't always discuss purchases with the OH, clothes/shoes/haircuts etc but I wouldn't buy unless I knew we had it to spend. Any larger purchases would be by mutual agreement.

How many times though on the debt boards do you see stories like 'my partner doesn't know I've racked up debt' or 'they've got £££s stashed away while I'm struggling to make ends meet'? In those cases, a bit of financial honesty would save a lot of heartache and worry.

trevorsminted

I meet a guy in pub once a week and he is obsessed with giving me a blow by blow account how much is mortgage is, how much he paid for his car, in the past informed us all how much he earns whereas i would never dream of divulging my business, ok not the wife but some like to discuss some dont, if my oh asked me direct i would tell her or if there was financial problems she needed money but dont see the big deal not knowing or being interested!

Person_one

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

I think the difference is whether you are financially comfortable or not, if both of you have got the bills covered and have some of your own disposable income left then it's not essential to know how much each other earns or mention personal purchases.

That can change quicker than you might expect though.

Also, how do people ensure that they're each contributing an appropriate amount to the household if they never sit down and work it all out?

claire16c

Person_one wrote: »

That can change quicker than you might expect though.

Also, how do people ensure that they're each contributing an appropriate amount to the household if they never sit down and work it all out?

Exactly. One partner could hypothetically be sitting on millions of pounds but you wouldnt know,you could be paying them money for years unaware. There has to be a conversation at some point to decide this - unless of course you share money inwhich case youd see the money coming into the joint account so youd know anyway.

Me and DH are fairly comfortable but I can not see how it could never have come up how much we each earn. It would be like me not knowing his birthday or something.

Dunroamin

I do think that some people are really strange about money. Somebody on the Families Board writes the most intimate information about her family, her feelings and the family dynamics and then refuses to say anything about money because it's "too personal"!

CH27

Dunroamin wrote: »

I do think that some people are really strange about money. Somebody on the Families Board writes the most intimate information about her family, her feelings and the family dynamics and then refuses to say anything about money because it's "too personal"!

There's nowt as queer as folk

andygb

My OH has been the breadwinner for the last year, and at Christmas I could see that she really liked a coat costing around £150. She didn't want to spend that much, but I kept nagging at her to get it, because that was just a little reward to herself.
I think at times, you have to realise what is important, and we usually cut back and save money, but this was one occasion where I felt she should just relax a bit and enjoy something.