My savings ..our or my money?!

Torry_Quine

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I must admit we didn't. We didn't live together before we got married and kept our finances separate.

Neither did we but that's surely all the more reason to discuss how you will work out your finances.

valk_scot

74jax wrote: »

It is genuinly a conversation we've never had and I can't see how knowing would change anything. Yes we're getting married, it'll all be joint, but what I buy/he buys won't change.

I think you're in fortunate circumstances then but many if not most folk don't have that luxury, they need to know the location (and destination!) of every penny coming in. And in this tighter sort of circumstance it's best to know that your partner isn't selfishly clutching a portion of "their" money to their chest and refusing to add it into the general pot. This is where the complete disclosure comes into it, if both partners are open, above board and above all fair about the family finances there's bound to be less conflict about money, no?

However as you're happy (both happy?) with what you're doing, keep going. There's no rules. Can I suggest though that you both keep your financial information up to date and in a place where the other partner can access it easily if required, say in the instance of unexpected accident, long term illness or death? If one or other of you can no longer manage your affairs and the other gets power of attorney then it's very helpful to know where to actually look for your partner's money. It wouldn't be the first time someone died and a large pile of money never got claimed from a bank account that the family didn't realise existed.

THEMONEYSPIDER_2

How long do you think YOUR savings would last OP, if your husband left you and you had to go back to work, pay all your own bills, child care costs ect?

Show your husband a little respect and at least discuss it with him.

Mojisola

valk_scot wrote: »

However as you're happy (both happy?) with what you're doing, keep going. There's no rules. .

I know each couple sorts these things out to suit themselves but I can't understand how two people can say that they want to get married, possibly bring children into the world, stay with each other until death but not discuss how much they earn or how much money they have in savings.

peachyprice

74jax wrote: »

For what kind of things? Holidays are taken care of and we each own a house so won't be moving/selling.

I can't see how my life would change by knowing.

Because it could be a big fat zero?

lazer

Mojisola wrote: »

I know each couple sorts these things out to suit themselves but I can't understand how two people can say that they want to get married, possibly bring children into the world, stay with each other until death but not discuss how much they earn or how much money they have in savings.

Maybe because life isn't about money.

My husband and I do currently have seperate accounts and are disposable income is roughly the same, we have a joint savings account where we saved for the wedding and where any money we got given as wedding presents has gone. (we are intending on sitting down and working out what do do with our finances, and to join them up but just haven't got round to it yet (almost 4 months married).

Money is only as important as you let it be, and if you are going to get married it is becasue you love each other, so the finances don't need sorted out until after you are married and living together, as it doesn't matter - together you will deal with the joign together of finances and make plans for savings and spendings.

Mojisola

lazer wrote: »

Maybe because life isn't about money.


So how do plan where you're going to live, what kind of holidays are possible, how much money you can afford to spend on the food shopping each week, what furniture you can buy, and so on and on and on?

Money is only as important as you let it be, and if you are going to get married it is becasue you love each other, so the finances don't need sorted out until after you are married and living together, as it doesn't matter - together you will deal with the joign together of finances and make plans for savings and spendings.

So you're agreeing with me. It's the couples who keep their financial affairs hidden from each other that I can't understand.

Mojisola

lazer wrote: »

Maybe because life isn't about money.


So how do you plan where you're going to live, what kind of holidays are possible, how much money you can afford to spend on the food shopping each week, what furniture you can buy, and so on and on and on?

Money is only as important as you let it be, and if you are going to get married it is becasue you love each other, so the finances don't need sorted out until after you are married and living together, as it doesn't matter - together you will deal with the joign together of finances and make plans for savings and spendings.

So you're agreeing with me. It's the couples who keep their financial affairs hidden from each other that I can't understand.

claire16c

moneysaymoneydo wrote: »

Claire - sometimes people who are comfortable dont need the ins and outs of what their partner earns if they are in a secure enough position, why would they? they have a rough idea and are aware everything is comfortable so not really an urgency to discuss, also a lot of people are private about money matters and older generation especially find it vulgar to discuss such things unless necessary of course but each to their own some like to sit down once married and say right joint account, joint savings, and want a blow by blow account of what each are spending the money on!

Why would they? Err.. because theyre their partner and not a flatmate (although I know how much some of my friends earn)? How could they not know? Knowing someones gross salary is pretty basic there's no ins and outs to it.

Its almost irrelevant if you are comfortable or not. I mean what - never seen their payslip lying about? Or working out how to save for a things like mortgage together, apply for a mortgage etc? Never seen them accept a new job/get a promotion/bonus etc?

Why on earth would you be private about money matters with the person you are married to?

poet123

To be honest, and this won’t be a popular view (!) it amazes me that two people who live together don’t trust each other enough to be open about finances. I do think this notion of “his n hers” not “ours” is indicative of why a lot of why a lot of marriages end in divorce. Whichever way you dress it up it smacks of a fundamental mistrust of the other partner. If you live together as a couple you are a unit.



We always discuss big purchases, so I would have said I intend to buy xyz and that would have been it, although, as it was a techy item my husband would probably have offered some input, whereas if it was a bag or clothes he wouldn’t get involved.