My savings ..our or my money?!

squirrelchops

Just a question but do some people feel that very single penny should be available to either party to use?

Not worded that very well - what I mean is do you and your OH know exactly what money you have and is it agreed you pool this money?

FBaby

squirrelchops wrote: »

My savings = my money. OH's savings = OH money.

Seeing as savings are normally used on joint treats e.g holidays or boring stugg e.g. boiler needs repairing. Other things e.g. a new computer or the like would be discussed but if I said to OH that I was booking a girly break away or buying an I pad that would be up to me.

Indeed, it is the same with my partner, but we worked out what we were paying in each month so we have both the same level of disposable income and therefore the same opportunity to save the same amount.

In the case of OP, her husband brings most of the income, but whereas she has money to spend, he doesn't. She is saying that is fair because of the money she put in, which doesn't even make sense in the first place. How really don't see how it is fair at all.

hawk30

squirrelchops wrote: »

Just a question but do some people feel that very single penny should be available to either party to use?

Not worded that very well - what I mean is do you and your OH know exactly what money you have and is it agreed you pool this money?

Yes, that is exactly how it works for me and DH. Although we have separate ISAs for tax reasons, we both view the money in it as 'our' money, rather that belonging to the person whose name is on the account.

[Deleted User]

squirrelchops wrote: »

Just a question but do some people feel that very single penny should be available to either party to use?

Not worded that very well - what I mean is do you and your OH know exactly what money you have and is it agreed you pool this money?

Yep.. pretty much. I don't quite know what my wife has in savings, she doesn't quite know what I have. We do both know that it is 'our' money.. It's only spread everywhere because we're disorganised.

lol, still thinking about how ill I'd feel about spending £5k on a watch

Torry_Quine

squirrelchops wrote: »

Just a question but do some people feel that very single penny should be available to either party to use?

Not worded that very well - what I mean is do you and your OH know exactly what money you have and is it agreed you pool this money?

Yes we know hw much savings are held in either of our names. It seems rather strange that you wouldn't.:o All money is ours and other than normal spending neither of us would dream of buying something as expensive as the OP without the other knowing and agreeing.

trevorsminted

Hush Puppie i think the underlying issue here is that he pays money out for his first family, and (not saying you are wrong) feel you want to keep your savings, i dont think you should need to ask a partner for permission to buy something if it was your money and nor should he be 'sulking' that is extremely pathetic, but overall this is im afraid why its best to avoid someone with baggage you said yourself you are resentful most likely because he makes comment about your spending yet has spent that and more in fighting to see his kids.

Go out and treat yourself to an itouch as well!

Goldiegirl

We have a joint account and all our income goes into that joint account, and becomes our money. All expenditure and savings accounts are funded from our money.

I don't ask my husband 'please can I have a handbag / iPad'.

But, as it's our money, I say 'I'm thinking of getting that handbag/ iPad, what do you think'. As we are at a stage in our lives where we are comfortable, he's always happy for me to go ahead, and usually encourages me, especially with the iPad!

If he wants to buy something for himself he'll discuss it with me first. It's just what we do.

If I go shopping with a friend, there's an expectation that I'm going to spend money, I don't phone him before every purchase.

With regard to the OP, what I would say is. You are a team now. You both contribute to the household in your individual way, whether it's money or childcare and you are equally as valuable as each other.

Therefore, to my mind, all money belongs to you both, whether it's been saved before or during the relationship.

I would have said to the husband, 'you know that money in that savings account. Why don't we use some of it to buy a tablet, we'll both enjoy it'.

You are not asking for permission. You are inviting him to discuss it with you.

Just my thoughts

squirrelchops

So, are we saying then that when couples split up it is fine for things to be split 50/50 even if one contributed more financially to the relationship. What about when it is situations such as the Heather Mills/Paul McCartney split?

Person_one

squirrelchops wrote: »

So, are we saying then that when couples split up it is fine for things to be split 50/50 even if one contributed more financially to the relationship. What about when it is situations such as the Heather Mills/Paul McCartney split?

After 2 years of marriage, then yes the starting point is 50/50, seems fair to me.

Marriage is optional after all!

trevorsminted

so does that mean she is entitled to one of his kids from his first marriage then if its 50/50. What someone had prior to 'marrying' is theirs and if he had other commitments to spend his money on the OP is quite right her money is hers, she has to put her daughter first, although she must be aware he has other children to support also!