Relationship

crvs

Dunroamin wrote: »

Fancying something else is fair enough - leaving a meal that someone had already cooked for you seems rude to me. Would you be happy if you'd cooked your partner a meal and s/he came in and just cooked something else?

Sorry. I didnt mean to reply to support my stand but now and again I would fancy different food to eat. At that time, I was eating Indian food for three months at a stretch. Anyway, most of the people said it was rude but I think if they were eating similar food for 3 months they would definitely want to try something else.

Thanks

Dunroamin

lostinrates wrote: »

I meal plan. But sometimes dh will say.....you know what...I'd like to take you out, or one or other of us will say you know what I just do not fancy what's planned...can it go on hold, can we have it as a left over tomorrow. And yes, it ha happened tha he ha come home after a tough week looked at supper and looked sad. Was I hurt? I think I was a little, I cannot remember but I am no saint! I do know that I would be mortified if he was being taken over and fed by me in a way tha was making him feel frustrated and unfree.

Would you really be happy if someone had rearrange your kitchen cabinets to suit them? I wouldn't be.

I have cooked with dh's aunt and cousins, who taught be how to make traditional cultural meals in their family way, but.....they would not dream of rearranging my kitchen. A cousin lived with us for a while and she helped me clean it, it was great fun actually.

I thought it was someone else who'd had a relative rearrange their kitchen cupboards?

crvs

balletshoes wrote: »

Families gossip, I'm pretty sure my own family have said stuff behind my back about my marriage (and no doubt my OH's family have had a field day about it too ), no big deal - it doesn't hurt me if neither of us (my OH or I) hear it.

You are very correct. But having gone through the same experience like her, I discussed with her. It is like friends sharing their experience.

Thanks

balletshoes

crvs wrote: »

You are very correct. But having gone through the same experience like her, I discussed with her. It is like friends sharing their experience.

Thanks

absolutely right - but theres no reason to then argue with your husband over it, in my opinion. It was 2nd hand information.

lostinrates

Dunroamin wrote: »

I thought it was someone else who'd had a relative rearrange their kitchen cupboards?

Yes, reading back it was someone else! Phew for OP! I think the other points stand though.

fluffnutter

crvs, you talk about your husband's relationship with his parents and how you feel it makes you vulnerable, yet you give us few examples of what this actually means.

It's difficult to advise because you haven't really explained how or why you find your husband's closeness to his parents a problem.

crvs

fluffnutter wrote: »

crvs, you talk about your husband's relationship with his parents and how you feel it makes you vulnerable, yet you give us few examples of what this actually means.

It's difficult to advise because you haven't really explained how or why you find your husband's closeness to his parents a problem.

I think giving all information will further confuse every one. I find vulnerable because they mean so much to him than me. He doesnt express how important im to him.

I express my feelings to him but he does very little. He keeps himself to himself.

Fundamentally I need to leave things behind and make a new begining as every one suggested. I have had some valuable points by positing . I will take suggestion on board and try to make my life easier.

Thanks

crvs

balletshoes wrote: »

It was 2nd hand information.

Oh. I didnt realise this as I used to tell him everything I and his co-sister discussed. DH thinks she created family politics and created more issues. I think I was an idiot to do that.

Goldiegirl

When I read the original post, it sounded like a very similar situation to a girl who I used to work with.

Her parents in law used to stay with her for 6 months at a time, and she found it very stressful.

I haven't really got any advice to add, and feel that I'm not qualified as Indian culture is different to my background. I think it's all well and good to give advice but people with a mainly British background don't really understand how Indian culture is different to British culture.

I just wanted to reassure the OP that my friend felt the same as you, so you are not alone in your feelings.

Just wondering it you have any friends with a similar cultural background, who might have experienced a similar situation. They might be able to give advice on how to cope. That is a friend outside the family

This_Year

OP I do feel very sorry for you, based on your other thread you do sound very lonely.

My heart goes out to you xx