Relationship

crvs

lostinrates wrote: »

I am shocked, with the diatribe against mil often found here that no one has offered kind words to OP.

Thanks for your kind words.

I posted this on the forum to consider any response equally. I dont want to try to establish Im right but there are so many instances that hurt me as well as them. I will try my best to calm down.

I had a difficult child hood. Lot many people looked low on me , bullied me etc. We were always fitting for ends to meet.
I believe all those past experience may be contributing.

Thanks

Mojisola

crvs wrote: »

I posted this on the forum to consider any response equally. I dont want to try to establish Im right but there are so many instances that hurt me as well as them. I will try my best to calm down.

I had a difficult child hood. Lot many people looked low on me , bullied me etc. We were always fitting for ends to meet.
I believe all those past experience may be contributing.

You've probably got it right there but, realising that, you're on your way to dealing with it.

Don't be hard on yourself because pregnancy is probably making you more emotional than usual. It could also be making you feel more vulnerable than normal. There are big life changes ahead as you go from being a couple to a family.

Your husband needs to step up and understand what you're feeling and support you - can you talk to him about it?

crvs

FBaby wrote: »

Sorry, are you saying that at this point, you hadn't yet met them? You got married without them there?

We were engaged and married in INDIA.

Thanks

crvs

Mojisola wrote: »

As his parents are now at a distance, does that make you feel better? It comes back to the old saying - you can't change them but you can change how you react to them.

You're now thinking of walking out on your husband for the second time. Do you really want to separate or do you do this to try to make him realise how bad you feel? Does he take your feeling seriously?

All have been said in the above post and here that It is me who is needs a change. Im a reacting person than im a responsive person. I will try and get my feelings sorted.

Im trying to make him realise how bad I feel. He is a loveable husband and I wouldnt do that in million years.

From my point of view , I feel that he is not listening to me but he always says thats your thinking.

I understand that this unnecessary argument is leading us no where. I wil think about proper resolution. I didnt mind them coming for the first time but Im was may be feeling insecure. I maynot have used proper wordings.

Thanks

FBaby

balletshoes wrote: »

Fbaby I have to say, I wouldn't be thrilled at the prospect of my in-laws coming to stay in my home for months at a time, I would say apprehension would be more how I'd feel rather than excitement, its a long time to be in close quarters with people (even family that you get along with).

I agree, I hadn't picked up that they had stayed for months at that time so yes, I can understand the apprehension, but my instinct would have still been excited at meeting my partner's family. Surely that was discussed and agreed first?

Mojisola

crvs wrote: »

Im a reacting person than im a responsive person. I will try and get my feelings sorted.

Im trying to make him realise how bad I feel. He is a loveable husband and I wouldnt do that in million years.

From my point of view , I feel that he is not listening to me but he always says thats your thinking.

The problem is, he might be 'listening' to you but not 'hearing' you. It's a situation where a counsellor could help.

FBaby

I think you need to separate what is your right to control and what isn't.

I do agree that arranging for them to stay for so long without having first met each other, when you are clearly insecute and have issues with low self-esteem and at a time when you were not great was a bad idea all around. You dreaded it, and as a result, were probably quite unwelcoming and unfriendly which resulted in his family having the bad opinion of you you dreaded they would have.

It is your house and I think you have a right to disagree with them ever staying for such length of time. However, I do think that you do owe your husband to have the freedone to be in contact with them regularly without judging his relationship with his parents. You need to step out of it if it uspet you.

And I don't think it is unreasonable that you should make an effort to be polite and welcoming for a period of say 1 week or 2 once a year as long as you have a say when that is and of course, expect respect back.

Unfortunately, when such relationship start badly from the start, it is much harder to make up and start again on the right foot. Saying that, the arrival of a new baby in the family can be the opportunity.

FBaby

Mojisola wrote: »

The problem is, he might be 'listening' to you but not 'hearing' you. It's a situation where a counsellor could help.

But he might feel the same way, that OP listens but doesn't hear to his plea to have his relationship with his parents not judged by OP.

Mojisola

FBaby wrote: »

But he might feel the same way, that OP listens but doesn't hear to his plea to have his relationship with his parents not judged by OP.

That's true and even quite likely, given the history.

Problems in relationships are rarely because one person is in the right and one in the wrong.

zaksmum

crvs wrote: »

Sincerely I dont know. Im feeling very insecure. I do understand others point but they do need to see it from cultural prespective.

Thanks

So what part of the cultural perspective says you should feel jealous of your husband's parents and alienate them?