Doulas

butler_helen

Judi wrote: »

I think having a doula is a brilliant idea. I went through the birth of my first child alone cause my ex chose to stay outside. Thank goodness the midwives stayed with me as i was 18 and terrified!

Husbands or partners can be a huge support but although my present husband stayed with me, he was terrified too. In fact he nearly missed my youngests' birth as he was too busy throwing up. In between cracking jokes and throwing up there was me, having to reassure him when all i wanted to do was chop his ba**s off.

Slightly off topic but I read this in panic! My boyfriend feinted at the blood test... My blood test, apparently he doesn't "react well" to blood or guts. My midwife said in jest I'd better "get used to the idea of birthing alone". He has 6m to get a stronger stomach!

Nicki

pigpen wrote: »

That is what they proposed yes.. absolutely not a good reason at all. If one had been necessary that is a different matter entirely. The consultant didn't think a section was necessary it was the midwives who were pushing for it which is why I politely declined their offer. My daughter was fine, the baby was fine but had a couple of decel's when they decided she should be on her side and he was fine once she moved back onto her back/semi-upright position. The registrar came in a few times, checked the trace said it looked ok but she would get a second opinion, the consultant came in, looked, took blood from the baby said everything was fine and the midwives STILL went on about 'needing a section' and 'we might not be able to do it later'.. I don't NEED you to believe it, I was there I know what was said.

NHS surgeons have less time to get the process done, they don't have time to do pretty embroidery. One of mine was baby out and partially sewn up in 20 minutes, he didn't bother with the rest of the sewing, bit like work I think

Still makes absolutely no sense I'm afraid.

The consultant and registrar both said a section wasn't necessary, so who was going to do it in the unused theatre then if the only people qualified to do it were refusing it? The pushy midwives?

And they SERIOUSLY told you that the baby was not then in distress but if it did become in distress they would let it die rather than give your daughter a c section later.

OK, if you say so! I strongly suggest though that you and your daughter look at other hospitals for future births then if your current one is so back to front with things

moneypenny21

butler_helen wrote: »

Slightly off topic but I read this in panic! My boyfriend feinted at the blood test... My blood test, apparently he doesn't "react well" to blood or guts. My midwife said in jest I'd better "get used to the idea of birthing alone". He has 6m to get a stronger stomach!

Ahh - my husband was like this too and was an absolute trooper the whole way through the birth and afterwards. I think its cured his fear of blood and gore so don't worry too much

squirrelchops

I would definitely have a doula.
My closest friend was a midwife and I have the utmost respect for her job. However I know that nowadays midwives are so stretched that the likelihood of having the same midwife during a labour, let alone your own midwife is highly unlikely.

I really struggle to feel safe and secure with changes of medical staff and hence although not medical trained having someone who knows about labour and who could support me is incredibly important.

What about your OH i hear you say?......let's get real, he's not a woman, he hasn't experienced labour and will probably be as scared as I will be. I need someone who I can really on to be objective but without the same level of emotional tie that a female relative would have.

My friend as offered to be my doula - I may well take her up on the offer when the time comes as I know I would feel totally safe in her hands.

amyloofoo

I'm not going to pretend to speak for all people who work in maternity / delivery, but these are my own personal feelings and experiences relating to having a doula - please don't take them to be the general approach of NHS staff.

Personally, if I was going into labour or planning a home birth then I would consider having a doula. Whilst my NHS trust has 1:1 care for all labouring women, I know this isn't universal and sometimes care has to be handed over because of circumstances. Having someone you can rely on to be with you in labour who will take your side and support you can be very reassuring, and the constraints of the NHS mean that midwives simply aren't able to give the time that a doula can to individual women. Having said that, it's really important to choose your doula carefully. Whilst every doula is obviously an individual with their own approach, I've noticed two distinct 'schools' amongst the doulas I've met, and these wouldn't suit all women and frankly sometimes are not particularly helpful.

Most doulas are supportive and helpful, they calm women and improve outcomes for mum and baby by helping to relieve stress, presenting a clear birth plan and articulating the mum's wishes when she may not be particularly articulate due to pain, tiredness or medication. They can be a knowledgeable support for women who are isolated, perhaps because they are single, their partner can't attend or their family live too far away. Increasing women are choosing to ask for the support of a doula during labour and many have great relationships with the staff on local delivery suites. Some professionals regard them as being a bit 'hippyish' and some doulas offer services which are more unusual - including retaining and preparing the placenta and offering alternative therapies which the mum may find beneficial, even if professionals are unsure of the practice's merits. My personal feelings are 'each to their own' as long as mum and baby are both safe and happy.

Doulas work best when both mum and doula have a clear understanding of the doula's role and what she is legally and morally able to do. Most good doulas explain the difference between their role and that of a midwife when first meeting women, ensuring that they are aware of the responsibilities and limitations in each role. Unfortunately in a very small minority of cases some doulas have allowed their personal feelings about medical interventions or natural birthing to influence their practice, and offer advice to mums which they are not really entitled (or strictly legally allowed) to give - such as refusing intervention even during fetal distress, mistrusting fetal monitoring or home birthing even when this is contra-indicated.

All of the situations above are the decision of the mother, and I'm not suggesting that medical staff should ignore her wishes - but I think there are some (very limited) cases in which a doula oversteps the line between supporting a mum and reinforcing personal prejudices which may impact on the health of mum or baby. This happens most where the mum already has strong views on how she would like her birth plan to progress, and unfortunately some doulas can help to foster unrealistic and occasionally dangerous expectations. Doulas aren't medically or clinically trained, and shouldn't present themselves as though they are - which in the vast majority of cases isn't an issue.

There are some fabulous doulas out there, including many 'voluntary doulas' who work for organisations supporting women who are isolated, from particular backgrounds or at risk of a difficult birth and they do a great job in keeping mums calm and helping them to achieve the birth that works best for them. It's certainly something that expectant mums should consider, but may not be for everyone, and I think it's important to meet first and have a good discussion of what can go wrong, as well as the ideal birthing plan.

pigpen

Nicki wrote: »

Still makes absolutely no sense I'm afraid.

The consultant and registrar both said a section wasn't necessary, so who was going to do it in the unused theatre then if the only people qualified to do it were refusing it? The pushy midwives?

And they SERIOUSLY told you that the baby was not then in distress but if it did become in distress they would let it die rather than give your daughter a c section later.

OK, if you say so! I strongly suggest though that you and your daughter look at other hospitals for future births then if your current one is so back to front with things

There are no other hospitals here unfortunately. The next nearest is 45 miles away and they won't refer out of the local area, I tried with the last 3 of mine. The midwife unit closed because the number of people allowed there made it not viable to keep it open leaving about 100 extra mw's to put into the current unit, so it isn't even like it is understaffed.

Of course it made no sense.. that is why we kept saying no.. we had the information from the consultant (he was my consultant and the best one in the hospital I think) and used that to make an informed choice. Without a proper reason other than their convenience they weren't getting near her. It was quite a farce.

As it was she ended up staying in a week anyway due to a PPH

kavics17

I had a doula. My Oh passd away during pregnancy and although my friends and family offered to be at the birth I felt I needed someone who will def be there and support me. It was the best decision i have ever made regarding birth. I had my best friend with me too, I couldn't have done it without them.

I had all these ideas of not having pain relief and water birth, etc and nothing went according to plan. The doula saw exactly when I needed pain relief (after 22 hours of labour), she made sure I was drinking and going to the loo, she helped me to go through contractions and was there right after the birth to help me shower, pack my things, etc. I went for a trainee doula mainly because I felt the most comfortable with her but interviewed qualified and very experienced ones too.

I can't praise enough my midwives either, i was under the care of a midwife group and saw them during the pregnancy, they were there for me at the birth too. It made a huge difference that I gave birth with them as we really built up a relationship in the previous months.