Doulas

ema_o

I don't have experience of a doula but your first comment about not being sure how your husband will support you in labour struck a chord for me. I wasn't sure either but he was amazing.
What helped me the most was knowing what I could expect, having a clear idea of what I wanted ideally (plus the knowledge that you can never be sure what will happen). We paid for the NCT ante natal class which was worth it's weight in gold for introducing us to couples about to have a baby.
I remember at the time the birth feeling like such a huge deal, but afterwards realising that everything that comes afterwards is far more important (and more scary!).

crvs

All,

Im not looking for Doulas for not having confidence in midwife. Im settled in UK but originally from INDIA. I think I will get good care under mid wife. Reason Im trying to consider doula is because my husband will be the only one who will be supporting me. As he is very emotional person, Im not sure if he will be in good shape to support me through the labour. Im very terrified of the pain and wont be considerable person at that time. I also have injection phobia. Im very scared.


I know people will say you can be better prepared to fight all the pain etc but no one surely knows how you feel at the moment and all the relaxation you practised may or may not work. Definitely not for me.

I thought if doulas were there they could give good support to both of us. As mentioned , I will look for only qualified doulas and meet few before considering one.

Though we can offered to pay for Doulas , as a new MSE member , I would like to know whether my spending is sensible.

Vidhya

peachyprice

I definitley think there is a place for doula's, I have a friend who is a midwife, she also does private doula work for Jewish ladies, (I'm sure she would for non-Jews, it's just part of her contribution to her community).

Like Fluff there's no way I would have wanted my mum or a friend there, but as I didn't give birth I didn't need any support other than my DH.

However, I would have been worried if I thought I couldn't rely on my DH (medical/health reasons aside), OP have you discussed with him why he won't be able to support you? I think it's a big step bringing someone else into the delivery room in what should be a very special time for a couple without you both agreeing to it and both knowing what you will be missing.

If he really doesn't want to and you're happy with that, then go for it, births can be long and lonely, at least if you have a doula you'll have company.

fluffnutter

crvs wrote: »

All,

Im not looking for Doulas for not having confidence in midwife. Im settled in UK but originally from INDIA. I think I will get good care under mid wife. Reason Im trying to consider doula is because my husband will be the only one who will be supporting me. As he is very emotional person, Im not sure if he will be in good shape to support me through the labour. Im very terrified of the pain and wont be considerable person at that time. I also have injection phobia. Im very scared.


I know people will say you can be better prepared to fight all the pain etc but no one surely knows how you feel at the moment and all the relaxation you practised may or may not work. Definitely not for me.

I thought if doulas were there they could give good support to both of us. As mentioned , I will look for only qualified doulas and meet few before considering one.

Though we can offered to pay for Doulas , as a new MSE member , I would like to know whether my spending is sensible.

Vidhya

Fair enough. Remember though, lovey, that every woman is frightened of having her baby - it's natural to be scared and apprehensive.

But, like I said, your husband won't be the only one supporting you. That's what midwives do too. They won't leave you if you don't want to be left! My husband was about as much help as a chocolate teapot but I still felt supported during my labour.

Having said that, a doula might be a nice idea for you. Not sure how much they charge though, so I can't help you on that. How far along are you? As far as I know, the earlier you enlist the support of a birthing partner the better, so that you can get to know one another.

Person_one

crvs wrote: »

I thought if doulas were there they could give good support to both of us. As mentioned , I will look for only qualified doulas and meet few before considering one.

No such thing as a qualified Doula.

Some will have more and better training than others, but there are no requirements at all. Be aware of that when shopping around and be wary of anybody who refers to themselves as 'qualified' or 'registered' or anything like that.

mrbrightside842

How much does a Doula cost? If she's tied only to you for 4 weeks to prevent overlap, then how much is a months wage for her?

Counting_Pennies_2

You do need to look into the training the Doula has received and get their details from a Doula website. There is http://www.nurturingbirth.co.uk/
and Doula UK as previously mentioned who I know do good training courses and have a good base of trained Doulas.

I have since become aware the NCT took on training Doulas http://www.nct.org.uk/courses/nct-birth-companions-doula-service-parents

I think it is a great idea. When I went in to hospital I was very aware that cover from a Midwife was patchy and I was very concerned I would be left alone and my DH is not great at championing my cause at the best of times. Indeed he proved not to be supportive when I needed him most when a sadistic midwife proved that not all midwifes are angels on the postnatal ward after I had a C-section. So if I had had a natural birth I most definitely would have had a Doula.

As it is after my first child I trained as a postnatal Doula (help support mums in the home after baby has arrived).

A postnatal Doula is there to give mum a break, and help her with guidance, a bit like a grandmother might offer.

She will watch baby while mum has a nap. Do the sterilising, put out the washing, perhaps sort the dishwasher, but the main thing is to give mum support and provide different options that are available if she has a concern. Maybe do the occasional ironing, but certainly no major housework. I did have a list of cleaners should she wish for one.

The idea is to support mum when she feels most vulnerable. Many people can just get on with it and cope with being with baby on their own when dad goes back to work. Others struggle and might have a tough time recovering from the birth, looking after other children and or suffering postnatal depression. So it is more a case of being there for mum and being her support. In other cultures mum has someone with her in the early days, and many people don't have relatives or good help close by so a postnatal doula can do this.


The reason I mention this is to reassure others that a good many Doulas do have training.

I undertook several weeks of training, read up on many of the different theories to bringing up children in order to provide a balanced base to provide advice to the mum and of course had my own child so had experience in order to help with some of the concerns she might have.

As it was I suffered severely with PND and had to stop work, but while I worked as a Postnatal Doula I felt I was making a huge difference.

So for those who have not had the service of a Doula please don't knock what you don't completely understand and please have a bit of respect for others choices. Lets all try to be supportive and not attack others.

Counting_Pennies_2

Person_one wrote: »

No such thing as a qualified Doula.

Some will have more and better training than others, but there are no requirements at all. Be aware of that when shopping around and be wary of anybody who refers to themselves as 'qualified' or 'registered' or anything like that.

If you are to appear on the register of Doula UK or Nurturing Birth (not completely sure about NCT) you do need to have attended in house training, and completed long distance training as well.

You can then be registered as a Doula in Training, or other terms that might be used after this time, and then once you have completed 80 hours of hands on work with mums you can be termed qualified.

It might not be a university education, but it does require some training, and reading and you are not just getting anyone off the street.

Nicki

I'm not sure it's fair to tell a woman that her midwife won't leave her if she doesn't want to be left as I don't believe this to be the case. A midwife could easily have more than one woman to look after at a time and will pop in and out to check progress but will not necessarily be able to be there throughout the entire labour. Hopefully they'll be back for the delivery bit though I have heard of women who have delivered alone too.

I actually had my kids privately because I was worried about staff patient ratios and even in the Portland at £4000 just for the delivery I didn't have full time 1:1 midwife care during the first stage because there were more women in labour than midwives on duty when I came in.

fluffymuffy

I've had several babies and the best experience was the one where I was alone at the hospital. Alone in that I didn't have DH or anyone I arrived with. The staff are much more relaxed without husbands/friends/relatives hanging about. They certainly didn't leave me all alone - I had a nursing axillary - a lovely older lady/salt of the earth type. More of a party atmosphere. Long gone are the days when women need to argue to get their wishes respected in any case.

The idea of someone hired to be there for me is just creepy.