Doulas

lostinrates

crvs wrote: »

I'm 26 +2 weeks pregnant. I have seen on doula today but would see 2 more before making a decision.

Vidhya

No advice as I have zilch experience, but good luck.

I had no idea about doulas or lotus births before this thread and was interested to read about them. I think I woud want a doula too.

Good luck op, and I hope you make some good friends in uk soon too.

pigpen

Doula's here are free, they work through the childrens centres/surestarts and have supposedly done the required training. They are rather limp and lettuce like on the whole and I would question if they could ask for a cup of tea let alone refuse an epidural! lol There are also the aspect that are 'helping the poor people'.. to be avoided. I am sure there are some fabulous ones out there.. I was told by 3 midwives when my daughter delivered her baby that I should train as I was an excellent birthing partner.. no ta! lol

I have had 10 children, 7 of them prem babies and have never had a midwife with me constantly even when I was by myself. On one occasion I had walked out of the delivery suite and gone home and noone even noticed for hours. Totally incompetant is an underestimation for most of the midwives here. I have also been left up to 12 hours without a single person looking in the door on more than one occasion.

Personally, I wouldn't want someone I didn't know supposedly expressing my wishes. They don't know me and couldn't possibly know what I would want.

I can see some people would find them useful but for me they weren't.

Errata

Are doulas insured? What happens if something goes wrong and it's their fault?

quinechinoise

I think a doula would be particularly helpful because she may be the only person who is there for you throughout the ante-, birth and post-natal period. If you are scared or discomposed in any way, I think it would help to have a pre-existing, comfortable - and comforting - relationship with at least one person who is assisting the birth. The doula will be there 24/7 while the baby arrives. Midwives will come and go and, if the baby takes a long time, there may be several shift changes while you wait so you'd never have the same midwife even if they were glued to your side for their entire shift.

Tbh, if you can afford it, I'd go the whole hog and pay for private obstetrics. A doula or private midwife cannot perform surgery whereas an OB can, so it's still the same person even if you need a c-section.

Nicki

I had all 3 of my kids privately. It was fantastic to have the same person for all my ante-natal care and to supervise my one natural delivery and do my two c sections. However, he certainly wasn't there during labour! He was phoned when I arrived at the hospital in established labour, and again when I was at 9cm, he popped his head round the door at 9cm and said he would go and have a coffee and to give him a shout when I was ready to push. If its reassurance throughout a long labour the OP is looking for, that isn't what you get from a private obstetrician.

There is also the issue which you have to bear in mind, that if you plan for a natural delivery privately and end up with an EMC, it will cost you about 3 times as much as you have budgeted for, and if your baby needs special care, you will be charged for however long he or she spends in the hospital before they are transferred out to the NHS if you aren't going to be able to pay for them to stay private for as long as it takes. We were very glad none of ours did need special care, as from memory the cost of this was about £10k a day :eek:

peachyprice

There seems to be some confusion as to the role of a doula on the thread.

A doula isn't there instead of a midwife or to intervene with any medical part of the birth. She is there to support the mother and/or father and offer non-medical practical support. She is there to take on the role that womenfolk would traditionally have taken and still do take in other cultures.

OP, I can see the appeal in so far as if you were having your baby at 'home' your mother, grandmother, sister, aunts would be there to take on this role, I would think a doula is a good compromise.

thunderbird

fluffnutter wrote: »

Fair enough. Remember though, lovey, that every woman is frightened of having her baby - it's natural to be scared and apprehensive.

Not EVERY woman! :eek:

The attitude that you have before the birth can have a massive effect on how you handle the labour.

Lozzy88

thunderbird wrote: »

Not EVERY woman! :eek:

The attitude that you have before the birth can have a massive effect on how you handle the labour.

I have never heare of a doula till I read this thread, but I agree with thunderbird totally, I was only excited before all 3 of my labours and they have all gone quickly, and have been textbook labours so in my case attertude helps hugely, I think being pear shaped helps too.

My mother and one of my sisters are both apple shaped and they both have had terrible complicated and long painful labours, myself and my other sister are pearshaped and we both have quick easy labours.

aventurine

Have you considered a home birth?

I gave birth at home five weeks ago, attended by not one, but two NHS midwives until about 3 hours after baby arrived. I was then visited the following day, and then every other day until 10 days post partum (could've had more visits than this if I had so wished).

A fantastic, relaxed and wonderful experience I would recommend to anyone who has had an uncomplicated pregnancy, and lives fairly close to a hospital in the unlikely event of an emergency.

It's not for everyone, of course, but just something to think about

barbiedoll

I'm shaped like a pencil (straight up and down) and I had a very easy birth! I don't think that your body shape has anything to do with how easy your labour is, it depends on the shape of your pelvis, how your baby is lying and even, to a certain extent, how relaxed you are. Women who are very overweight seem to struggle more but generally, problems in labour are no-one's fault, it's just one of those things.

Doulas probably do have a place in today's labour wards, women do get left alone whilst labouring, they don't necessarily need a degree-educated medical professional with them but I daresay that someone to hold their hand and mop their brow is greatly appreciated. Women like OP who are very scared of medical procedures would benefit from someone to help them through the scary stuff, especially if they have no other support with them. (Mind you, I had my mum and my OH with me, my mum is a complete wuss around hospitals and blood so she was cowering in the corner and OH was missing in action on a fag break with my brother for half of my labour!)

Some of the women that I work with are from very deprived backgrounds, often they have no-one with them, they may be far from home and their partner has to look after their other children so can't be with them during the birth. Wouldn't it be nice if ALL women had the option of having someone supportive with them at this time, not just those who can afford it?