Am I too overprotective of my Son?

PurplePow

I was the same when I went to secondary school. I wasn't allowed to watch films above my age limit, wasn't even allowed to read girl's teenage magazines. I was bullied all the way through school, for various reasons.
The school didn't really do anything about it despite me trying to get it stopped. I was bullied outside of school hours though, so there wasn't much they could do. By the time I got to my final year, they came to a solution of letting me out of school 15 mins early so I could get the bus home safely before everyone else finished. It was too little too late though and my memories of school are that they were the worst years of my life.

nickj_2

PurplePow wrote: »

I was the same when I went to secondary school. I wasn't allowed to watch films above my age limit, wasn't even allowed to read girl's teenage magazines. I was bullied all the way through school, for various reasons.
The school didn't really do anything about it despite me trying to get it stopped. I was bullied outside of school hours though, so there wasn't much they could do. By the time I got to my final year, they came to a solution of letting me out of school 15 mins early so I could get the bus home safely before everyone else finished. It was too little too late though and my memories of school are that they were the worst years of my life.

why should you have to alter you life to fit in to the people doing the bullying .
all schools should say to the parents of kids doing the bullying , either they stop , or the next incident they are out aand you'll have to find another school , if any will take them

meer53

OP, whats wrong with wanting to fit in with your mates ?

I think you need to sit down with your son and have a two way discussion about how HE feels about your strict rules. Rules can be bent a little you know. Would you really make him wait until he's 18 before allowing him to play an 18 rated game ? If you would then i feel really sorry for your son. What do you think is going to happen to him ?

My son at 18 was a man, not a child, capable of going on holiday abroad with his mates, getting paralytically drunk, voting and having a sexual relationship with his girlfriend. He played 18 rated games from about 12, i trusted him, he's now 26 and the loveliest, affectionate, well rounded person i know.

Just relax, talk to your son, see how HE feels.

VestanPance

If age limits and regulations don't seem absurd you have to wonder why a young man of 16 can join the army and go to war as a soldier in the UK, but not play a computer game like Call of Duty!

SuzieSue

meer53 wrote: »

My son at 18 was a man, getting paralytically drunk, .

I agreed with your post until I got to this part. Anyone who gets parlytically drunk is still a child.

cheepskate_2

So legally a under 18 can:

Buy a pet ,
Die for your freedom
Have sex, infact have multiple partners
Marry
Legal have a child
Own a firearm(cond.apply)
Work in a slaughterhouse
Drink
And probably a lot more,

but has to ask mums permission to play a computer game....absurd

ash28

We are bringing up our grandson (11), who started secondary school in September. We were quite new to the area but he had been to the junior school for a few months beforehand.

He has settled into school well and has no bullying issues - some of the children he knew in primary school have gone to the same school but he is making new friends outside those he knows from primary school. Some in year 7 and some in year 8 & 9.

He doesn't actually have a lot in common with a lot of his friends (probably because he is being brought up grandparents) most of them are football daft. And the grandson is absolutely talentless....though he will have a go.

He watches very little tv, usually 10 or 15 minutes after breakfast - when he watches American teen and pre teen rubbish like iCarly or similar, and perhaps a half an hour after dinner when he watches more of the same. He watches no adult tv at all - his choice not ours. He obviously watches stuff that he finds entertaining.

Film wise, all the Star Wars movies, Batman and Harry Potter movies and he will watch them over and over. I have absolutely no idea what rating they are -age ratings hold little interest.

His main interests are gaming, reading (currently Call of the Wild by Jack London), Lego (still), Warhammer (been building and painting since he was about 7), trainset layout and he has a couple of aeroplane training models as he's learning to fly remote control planes. Pretty normal (for us) though quite different from his friends, where it's football and gaming. Being different hasn't caused him any issues.

He doesn't have his own computer but has unrestricted access to our laptops - internet history is pretty easy to monitor (if you don't trust your kids get a programme that will not let them look at !!!!!! etc) and usually all he looks at are trainers, homework related stuff, trainers, fifa teams, trainers, shortcuts and cheats for other games, trainers, utube music videos (the only time he ever listens to music), trainers, Warhammer painting videos, trainers, Lego Star Wars videos on utube - like this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0z_TU4Gw5o

He has an ipod touch - again pretty easy to see what he has been watching and looking at - funnily enough it's more of the above.

One day he will be interested in !!!!!! but that day isn't here yet and we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

He has an xbox and tv - in his room since September, it was kept in the living room before that and the tv in a spare room, a playstation 3 is still in the living room. He plays on the xbox most evenings for a couple of hours - fifa is very popular here, and one of the ways he has expanded his group of friends at school is through using the xbox - it's also meant he has been able to speak to his friends from our old area regularly too. He's never used the tv as a tv, any tv watching is done on the main tv, probably because it has Sky.

He is in bed by 9pm and the only exceptions are weekends and holidays. He is often miffed at having to come off the xbox but he either comes off when he is told or has it removed - it's his choice.


He has Call of Duty Black OPs - with the gore and language filters on - you can set it up to remove a lot of stuff.

He is polite, well adjusted, knows that games are just that - games - we used to impress on our own children that videos weren't real.

Our daughters' favourite film was Dirty Dancing and that was from the age of about 9 or 10 - they watched it so often they knew the dialogue off by heart - it used to be really irritating trying to watch it with them and having to listen to the film and them....they are 30 and 31 now and still watch it...and even sadder they still know the dialogue...

We also had concerns about our own children watching the Simpsons as having seen it ourselves we thought it was a bit "grown up" for them, however we decided to let them watch it and what we thought funny went straight over their heads....

A poster mentioned The Woman in Black, now that is scary - just because something says it's suitable for a certain age doesn't mean it isn't frightening.

On the subject of swearing - there is no swearing, I've told him if his vocabulary is so poor he can only express himself through swearing not to bother expressing himself at all, though I'm sure out of the house there is plenty of it - he once (and it was only once) had a friend round who swore quite a bit - he wasn't allowed back. I actively discouraged the friendship, which is unusual for me tbh, but everyone has their own red lines - and that's one of mine.

I think most parents do a really good job bringing up their kids and unsuitable games or not most of the children I meet are well adjusted, polite and well mannered. And that's from all backgrounds. Most of them are really nice kids.

Everyone has their own way of parenting and who can say what is right and what is wrong, all any parent can do is their best and hope for the best.

shirlgirl2004

OP I home educate because among other reasons I wouldn't want my children subjected to the experience your poor son is. In discussions with other people on MSE it appears that is the purpose of school - they call it socialisation, apparently your son needs to handle bullies because this is what will happen in the workplace. You are according to some on here raising a freak.

IMO such a lovely young lad as yours would do well to be home educated where you will be able to meet with lots of like minded families and children. I wish you well in trying to find a suitable resolution to suit your family.

Welshwoofs

Claire212 wrote: »

I am obviously going about my child raising all wrong.

From several of the posts many posters believe it is acceptable for children to do these things.

I wouldn't worry about it Claire.

I've spent half my working life in the games industry and so I've got to see the end of the equation where 11yr old JoeBloggs is allowed by doting parent to play online game that's aimed squarely at the older teen/adult demographic because of graphic violence/sexual content. What I've seen is young kids being gobby little shytes, griefing and bullying other players, splattering their semi-literate musings with extreme expletives and racist phrases and when they get banned (which is inevitable with many), some even threaten to try and get staff fired by inviting tales of 'inappropriate contact'. In the course of routine monitoring of suspicious players, I've regularly found 9-12yr old kids that are engaging in credit card fraud, key-logging, password phishing and boasting about exploiting security holes on merchant sites to steal payment details. Those I've had absolutely no hesitation in reporting to law enforcement and I know a fair number that gained criminal records as a result.

I've heard the 'but he's a good boy, he just plays quietly on his computer in his bedroom' in response to informing some blinkered parent that their little darling is an absolute monster online and I've had screaming chav lowlife shouting threats down the phone because they felt I didn't have the 'right' to boot their equally foul offspring off a game they were too young to play anyway.

Nope - I wouldn't worry about it. Your son will turn out fine....the kids who've grown from single digits on a diet of 18 rated games, !!!!!!, adult material and very little control from parents? Well....let's just say that I doubt many of them are going to turn out to be the next leading lights of society

SmallL

Only the parent can decide if their child is mature enough for games older than their age states.
You can't tar every child and their parents that let them play 18 games with the same brush.
Iv always played video games since 9 years old, playing 18's from the age of 11. I was mature enough to play those games, they haven't turned me into a bad person, nor was i influenced in any way except to still be playing video games now im 21.
My parents aren't bad people/parents for 'allowing' me on these games, they made a judgement that i was capable of playing and seeing adult material without being influenced or 'damaged' in any way.
I have already stated most of this in a previous post, however people still stereotype video games as the cause of children going off the rails, when for me and a lot of other people its just a harmless hobby. Video games actually helped me when i was bullied, it was another 'place' where i could escape to and 'live as someone else', i also had friends (that were complete strangers) on online games from the age of 11. It really did help my confidence and was a great comfort to me.

Only a parent knows if their child can 'handle' adult material, i don't see if a child is mature enough to do so and they have expressed a desire to do so why they shouldn't be allowed, albeit starting with baby steps (comp in the living room etc).