Just don't relate well to people :(

victory

olibrofiz wrote: »

not depressed, lack of self confidence, yes, definately. signed up for a dating website but knocked that on the head - no one in their right mind would be interested in me. have such poor social skills that i couldn't tell if they did anyway.

assertive course - signed up for one once, but it was cancelled due to lack of interest

Are you having counselling? Are you on meds?

olibrofiz

mrcow wrote: »

Sorry, but you sound completely normal.

You're being very hard on yourself.

maybe i don't know what 'normal' is, which is why i fret

no councelling, no meds

victory

olibrofiz wrote: »

maybe i don't know what 'normal' is, which is why i fret

no councelling, no meds

Is your GP aware of how you are feeling ?

olibrofiz

hmmm, just to expand on the 'no one interested in me' - there have been those that have been, generally i haven;t been particularly interested in them, but i've had relationships with them because they were interested in me iyswim. eventually i always hit the red zone and walked away.

no, haven;t spoken to GP, why would i? it;s my personal failings, not something that can be helped by a pill

victory

olibrofiz wrote: »

hmmm, just to expand on the 'no one interested in me' - there have been those that have been, generally i haven;t been particularly interested in them, but i've had relationships with them because they were interested in me iyswim. eventually i always hit the red zone and walked away.

What causes the red zone?

olibrofiz

trying to please people/someone, endlessly, in some cases modifying who i am, and never being able to please them

so i give up - the red zone is just a figure of speech, it doesn;t mean danger, it just means admitting defeat

victory

olibrofiz wrote: »

trying to please people/someone, endlessly, in some cases modifying who i am, and never being able to please them

so i give up - the red zone is just a figure of speech, it doesn;t mean danger, it just means admitting defeat

Pleasing some people changing yourself is impossible, you have to learn acceptance, of yourself and others, then you will be calmer and happier:D

meritaten

olibrofiz wrote: »

I just can't keep 'friendliness' or 'relationships' going after a while. I'm easy going, and would do my utmost to help someone out (the old, ingrained, trying to please people), but after a point a little demon in my head goes 'uhuh, not any more, had enough'. I don't express myself very well either.

I have friends I can count on one hand, and I stopped contact with a work friend over a year ago because she reacted badly to an office re-shuffle. I posted on here about it and people said things along the lines of try & make up (I did and had a ranting text from her so told her a few home truths) forget her, she's not really a friend. So I gave up there.

I just seem to fall out with people. I fell out with my neighbour 3 months ago, and I had her and her mother screaming at me in the street :eek: we haven't spoken since. I might have posted about it, don't think I did but can't remember. It's been playing on my mind today.

I do a bit of cleaning. I flog myself to death while I'm there, but it's not enough, they pick up on things they think I should do, and adds extras. And i can feel the little demon stirring in my head. It's not so much I can't take criticism, in this case it's more 'you don;t need a cleaner, you need a partner!'

I went to see a councillor of sorts because I don't relate very well to men - after a few sessions of 'think happy thoughts' and 'write down good things on the hour about yourself' the demon in my head said 'absolute rubbish' so I packed it in.

I just can't keep long lasting relationships, and have trouble making new ones. I think i'm socially inept - i function well if you scratch the surface, but dig deeper and it all goes to pot. I don't like conflict, but I tend to reach a point when I think someone's taking the !!!! and I revolt. so conflict will be inevitable.

Just don't know where to go from here not happy hiding away from life really.

(The demon in my head is a figure of speech btw, it's not real, I don't hear voices :cool:)

I was reading the I don't like/hate my mother thread earlier and was worried I had narcissistic tendencies and I did an online test that resulted in:

You suffer from some emotional insecurity, and can battle with your ego. You may have co-dependency issues where you feel that your own feelings are reliant on what other people are or aren’t doing. You may feel abandoned, left out and unloved by others if they are validating your significance to you. You may leave yourself open to abuse from others.

So where do I go from here ?

you feel this is true? From your post (and some past ones) I would say the opposite is true!
hun, you do not take fools gladly and although you are co-operative you do realise when they are taking the P and tell them so!
You DO have friends - you say so! and I think most people who say they have 'LOADS' of friends are telling porkies! I think people confuse acquantances/workmates/effbook buddies with 'friends'!
There is nothing wrong with you Oli! You have just had a rough few months, where for some reason the outside world is impinging on you!

Deep breath Oli, calm down and realise that you cannot please everyone all of the time and its OK to stand up for yourself!

olibrofiz

victory wrote: »

Pleasing some people changing yourself is impossible, you have to learn acceptance, of yourself and others, then you will be calmer and happier:D

my childhood was spent travelling the world with my parents, different schools every 12/18 months or so - i had to be chameleon like and change who i was to be accepted. that was the only way to survive. and i did it very well.

how can i learn to accept myself when i don;t really know who i am. when i eventually was 'myself' with partners, they didn;t like me anymore - but i guess, looking back, it was all false to start with - if i became me they weren't so keen, so i became who they thought i was.... which confirmed to me that who i was wasn;t really nice

Ladyhawk

That could have be me writing that post!! I am very agreeable and affable and give a lot until I get fed up with it all and walk away from the friendship and don't look back.

I do wonder if there is something wrong with me but actually I think that most people feel similar if they were honest with themselves. They just may be a little more tolerant than us.