Just don't relate well to people :(

olibrofiz

I just can't keep 'friendliness' or 'relationships' going after a while. I'm easy going, and would do my utmost to help someone out (the old, ingrained, trying to please people), but after a point a little demon in my head goes 'uhuh, not any more, had enough'. I don't express myself very well either.

I have friends I can count on one hand, and I stopped contact with a work friend over a year ago because she reacted badly to an office re-shuffle. I posted on here about it and people said things along the lines of try & make up (I did and had a ranting text from her so told her a few home truths) forget her, she's not really a friend. So I gave up there.

I just seem to fall out with people. I fell out with my neighbour 3 months ago, and I had her and her mother screaming at me in the street :eek: we haven't spoken since. I might have posted about it, don't think I did but can't remember. It's been playing on my mind today.

I do a bit of cleaning. I flog myself to death while I'm there, but it's not enough, they pick up on things they think I should do, and adds extras. And i can feel the little demon stirring in my head. It's not so much I can't take criticism, in this case it's more 'you don;t need a cleaner, you need a partner!'

I went to see a councillor of sorts because I don't relate very well to men - after a few sessions of 'think happy thoughts' and 'write down good things on the hour about yourself' the demon in my head said 'absolute rubbish' so I packed it in.

I just can't keep long lasting relationships, and have trouble making new ones. I think i'm socially inept - i function well if you scratch the surface, but dig deeper and it all goes to pot. I don't like conflict, but I tend to reach a point when I think someone's taking the !!!! and I revolt. so conflict will be inevitable.

Just don't know where to go from here not happy hiding away from life really.

(The demon in my head is a figure of speech btw, it's not real, I don't hear voices :cool:)

I was reading the I don't like/hate my mother thread earlier and was worried I had narcissistic tendencies and I did an online test that resulted in:

You suffer from some emotional insecurity, and can battle with your ego. You may have co-dependency issues where you feel that your own feelings are reliant on what other people are or aren’t doing. You may feel abandoned, left out and unloved by others if they are validating your significance to you. You may leave yourself open to abuse from others.

So where do I go from here ?

Newwashingmachine

olibrofiz wrote: »

I just can't keep 'friendliness' or 'relationships' going after a while. I'm easy going, and would do my utmost to help someone out (the old, ingrained, trying to please people), but after a point a little demon in my head goes 'uhuh, not any more, had enough'. I don't express myself very well either.

I have friends I can count on one hand, and I stopped contact with a work friend over a year ago because she reacted badly to an office re-shuffle. I posted on here about it and people said things along the lines of try & make up (I did and had a ranting text from her so told her a few home truths) forget her, she's not really a friend. So I gave up there.

I just seem to fall out with people. I fell out with my neighbour 3 months ago, and I had her and her mother screaming at me in the street :eek: we haven't spoken since. I might have posted about it, don't think I did but can't remember. It's been playing on my mind today.

I do a bit of cleaning. I flog myself to death while I'm there, but it's not enough, they pick up on things they think I should do, and adds extras. And i can feel the little demon stirring in my head. It's not so much I can't take criticism, in this case it's more 'you don;t need a cleaner, you need a partner!'

I went to see a councillor of sorts because I don't relate very well to men - after a few sessions of 'think happy thoughts' and 'write down good things on the hour about yourself' the demon in my head said 'absolute rubbish' so I packed it in.

I just can't keep long lasting relationships, and have trouble making new ones. I think i'm socially inept - i function well if you scratch the surface, but dig deeper and it all goes to pot. I don't like conflict, but I tend to reach a point when I think someone's taking the !!!! and I revolt. so conflict will be inevitable.

Just don't know where to go from here not happy hiding away from life really.

(The demon in my head is a figure of speech btw, it's not real, I don't hear voices :cool:)

I was reading the I don't like/hate my mother thread earlier and was worried I had narcissistic tendencies and I did an online test that resulted in:

You suffer from some emotional insecurity, and can battle with your ego. You may have co-dependency issues where you feel that your own feelings are reliant on what other people are or aren’t doing. You may feel abandoned, left out and unloved by others if they are validating your significance to you. You may leave yourself open to abuse from others.

So where do I go from here ?

Give yourself a break for a start!

In life you have different friends at different points in your life and it sounds like the woman at work wasn't actually a friend anyway more an acquaintance.

It sounds like you feel a bit bad about the fall out with the neighbour - perhaps you could try and make amends there - I don't mean be bessie friends and I'm don't know what the problem was - but as you live close by you could maybe see if there's something you could do there.

Regarding the cleaning. It sounds like any job when they want more and more - and sometimes you do feel like telling them to 'get lost'. Sometimes I feel exactly the same at work when I've got all these people asking me this and that, can you do this, did you do that - I seriously feel like saying - put a brush up my backside and I'll do the cleaning while I do everything else (only in my mind I don't actually say it:D:D)

As for the counselling - writing down happy thoughts - when you're not in the mood won't help - but doing something that makes you feel happy might. e.g. go for a nice bath and fantasize about something good. Your thoughts are what you make them and if you try and force yourself to feel happy it DOES sometimes work.

As the the NAPD - we've all got a bit of that in us (and anyone who says differently is lying). The fact that you're worried that you may have it proves that you aren't a total narcissist though.

Sounds like you're feeling down and you've not really done anything to feel down about just everyday problems that we all have.

coinxoperated

You could of been writing about me.

I have researched various personality disorders etc etc and have come to this conclusion...

Some people need others in their lives and some people are made to think they do.

Since I really reduced my 'friends' and made sure I only spend the time I want to with them, its helped me.

I like being alone or with my dog. I like my own thoughts, my own company and not having to 'be there' for someone else.

I have one friend who I would drop anything for... but luckily she doesn't ask much. I wouldn't ask much from a friend either. I like it simple!

lotielot

Your tolerance level is low. There is a point in life when you just stop taking sh*** from other people. So, I wouldn't worry too much.

victory

CBT can help you re align your thought pattern and build up your self confidence

victory

http://www.mind.org.uk/mental_health_a-z/8000_making_sense_of_cognitive_behaviour_therapy

olibrofiz

lol, my tolerance level is really very, very high! It's when it reaches the red zone that I snap.

I think I worry I need people in my life when really I don;t, and those two things compete against each other in my mind. I'm generally happy on my own, and get a stressed about things making demands on me.

I got in a situation with my neighbour where she seemed to feel she could borrow off me, and 'have a quiet word' about anything. I just nodded and took it (conditioned not to create conflict you see). She complained about my dogs barking - there are 6 more in the next three houses down from mine, but it was my dogs apparently. I agreed to try & keep the noise down, and did.

Then she had a party. I came face to face with her the next day and she said, because she knew it had been really, really loud, 'sorry about the noise' - but she was very sneery about it. And I just said 'well I won;t be worrying about my dogs barking for 30 seconds when they go out in the garden anymore'. She just went nuts & was extremely aggressive

So I mentioned the screaming rows that originate from her house about 3-4 times a week that go on for 30 mins or more - and her mother laid in to me

Ok, I shouldn't have said anything, but why should I be a doormat? On a positive note the rows have stopped (or moved rooms) and my mum has confirmed the barking isn;t from my dogs after staying at xmas & wondering what all the racket was at 7am....while mine were still zzzzzz

Thanks for the CBT link victory, will have a look at that - hate feeling like this, it comes and goes

olibrofiz

when it comes i just feel like such a horrible, bad person, and it reaffirms my belief that's why i have few friends.

when i'm ok i feel like i;m an ok person, but then i think i haven;t many friends, so i must be a horrible, bad person

up and down

how i've raised an almost 18 year old that has quite alot of friends, seems well liked, and won't take any crap of anyone i've no idea

victory

Comes and goes.... Depression? Lack of control? Lack of self confidence?

How about an assertive course?

mrcow

Sorry, but you sound completely normal.

Why would you take rubbish off of anyone just for the sake of it?

You say you have "few" friends. Most of us only really have a handful of people who are REAL friends - who know 100% everything about you and still like you. Everyone else is just an aquaintance. People who don't need to "dig deeper" - surface scratching is just fine.

You're being very hard on yourself.

olibrofiz

victory wrote: »

Comes and goes.... Depression? Lack of control? Lack of self confidence?

How about an assertive course?

not depressed, lack of self confidence, yes, definately. signed up for a dating website but knocked that on the head - no one in their right mind would be interested in me. have such poor social skills that i couldn't tell if they did anyway.

assertive course - signed up for one once, but it was cancelled due to lack of interest