Just don't relate well to people :(

Ladyhawk

Julie - don't suppose you were born in 1979 were you?

olibrofiz

thank you everyone. i don;t feel 'normal' but i'll think about what you've said. maybe i'm not as unacceptable & weird as i've always thought i was. and i need to actually like, and find, myself

i'll worry a bit more about my neighbour when it comes to spring and i have to 'bump into her' over the garden fence

and i;m going to start standing up for myself sooner and nip things in the bud rather than letting things go on and alienating people when my 'hang on, i'm not doing this' comes out of the blue

off to think, drink wine, and have a good nights sleep xx

julie2710

Ladyhawk wrote: »

Julie - don't suppose you were born in 1979 were you?

I wish!! 1968

poorly_scammo

olibrofiz wrote: »

off to think, drink wine, and have a good nights sleep xx

Enjoy your wine.

A head's up: Asda The Wine Selection Marsanne 2011 £ 3.99 ish. very nice.

Ladyhawk

olibrofiz wrote: »

thank you everyone. i don;t feel 'normal' but i'll think about what you've said. maybe i'm not as unacceptable & weird as i've always thought i was. and i need to actually like, and find, myself

i'll worry a bit more about my neighbour when it comes to spring and i have to 'bump into her' over the garden fence

off to think, drink wine, and have a good nights sleep xx

What's "normal"? I don't think it's all that it's cracked up to be. Some people are just better at hiding their feelings than we are. I have a big thing about sincerity and honesty and believe that nearly everyone is hiding who they really are. I would much prefer it if people were more honest and actually said that they meant rather than !!!!!footing around.

As for your neighbour... Surely she has more to be ashamed of? Don't worry about her and just be polite and go on your merry way.

Enjoy your wine and sleep well!

meritaten

olibrofiz wrote: »

no, i don't suffer fools, and i don't put up with things eternally - that's my red zone.

yes, maybe the world is impinging on me. maybe i try too hard to please people - i am insecure emotionally - how other people feel affects me and i do feel abandoned and left out by others - and people abuse my easy going nature - so some of that guff is true....

it upsets me to stand up for myself, i'll do it, but it upsets me

then thats perfectly normal Oli. most people get upset by standing up for themselves for that means confrontation! yes shouting matches usually!
perhaps you do try to hard to please in the begining of a relationship- but so does everyone else!
you have friends so you must be good at relationships or you wouldnt have any!
bit more confidence in 'being yourself' and not trying too hard - and dont worry if people dont like you!

Janey3

I remember your other thread and you certainly came across as being normal. Remember "To thine own self be true".

A handful of good friends is more than enough. I've had the same few friends for years, and the rest have been acquaintances and ships that pass in the night.

Employers will always try to get you to do more, especially if you are good at your jobs and I get a feeling that you are.

Just be you.

Melaniep101

Ladyhawk wrote: »

That could have be me writing that post!! I am very agreeable and affable and give a lot until I get fed up with it all and walk away from the friendship and don't look back.

I do wonder if there is something wrong with me but actually I think that most people feel similar if they were honest with themselves. They just may be a little more tolerant than us.

I'm the same. I have lots of acquaintances but only 2 friends I know I can rely on.

Sometimes I feel like I bend over backwards for people, but there always comes a point where it seems like I'm making all the effort and that's it for me, enough is enough. I dropped a very long standing friend last year, over some derogatory comments that were made about me and that was the straw that broke the camels back.

OP, don't beat yourself up. You are who you are, and there's plenty of us that are the same as you (whether that is "normal", or not)!

eleanora_

coinxoperated wrote: »

You could of been writing about me.

I have researched various personality disorders etc etc and have come to this conclusion...

Some people need others in their lives and some people are made to think they do.

Since I really reduced my 'friends' and made sure I only spend the time I want to with them, its helped me.

I like being alone or with my dog. I like my own thoughts, my own company and not having to 'be there' for someone else.

I have one friend who I would drop anything for... but luckily she doesn't ask much. I wouldn't ask much from a friend either. I like it simple!

Yep, this sounds like me as well. I've always been a bit of a "loner" and have never had a particular group/clique of friends. I can make conversation with people easily enough, and I have plenty of work acquaintances who I get on well with, but not a lot of close friends. I've realised over time that the real reason I don't make lots of friends is because when it comes down to it, I don't really want to! I'm happier with my family and a couple of close friends, and I also like time on my own. Since I realised this, I've been a lot happier in myself and have stopped beating myself up worrying why I don't have a large circle of friends.

So OP - no, you're not the only person who feels like this

coolcait

olibrofiz wrote: »

...

and i;m going to start standing up for myself sooner and nip things in the bud rather than letting things go on and alienating people when my 'hang on, i'm not doing this' comes out of the blue

...

I think this is a very good idea.

Part of the problem with not nipping things in the bud is that resentment can build up - plus anger at yourself.

That sometimes means that when you do speak up, it doesn't flow out as polished, non-confrontational, assertiveness.

It bursts out as sarky comments; or angry tears; or some other way that makes you look bad - even though your point is perfectly good.

Been there, done that