Social services onto me about not having child in nursery! Advice needed

Snoopinggoose

FBaby wrote: »

But as it's been said many times, we do not know what was the actual reason for the health visitor to refer her concerns. The OP states that it is the fact that her 3yo is not in nursery, but maybe it was a totally different reason, or an accumulation of reasons.

I've already said there were no other reasons! End of the day the health visitor quite clearly thought her nose was put out of joint because she was told she isn't needed, so she's decided off her own back clearly, to inform the social services she has a concern my 3 year old isn't in nursery! What the bloody hell does it have to do with her anyway? It wasn't the 3 year old she was coming to see!

poet123 wrote: »

I thought it was the younger child she was opting out for. Again, that is her prerogative.

It is my youngest child I was opting out of visits, as they are not needed, hence the option of being able to opt out, which as you've quite rightly said is my perogative.

poet123 wrote: »

So, imagine a situation (hypothetical of course) where an HV visits a home with a new baby, a 3 year old and a new mum coping with a seriously ill partner. She sees the level of care required by the baby and the ill spouse, she sees the 3 year old being sidelined by necessity, she sees a lonely child. Would you not expect her to try to encourage the parent to consider nursery?

Obviously they cannot be forced to do it, nor should they be, but I can see why it would be suggested.

Yes hypothetical indeed, my partner does have a serious illness BUT he isn't at the stage where it's serious enough to warrant any interaction or another level of care from a 3rd party, he is under the care of the hospital and they only see him every 4 months. And the key thing is he goes there, they don't tell him they're coming to the house and that he has no choice! Which is quite clearly what health visitors think is what should happen, if not they wouldn't raise a concern for no reason! Which is what they've done in this instance.

He's also still healthy enough to do everything any 'normal' healthy person can do, kidney disease is a progressive thing which means it gets worse over time sometimes with little or no symptoms, he didn't even know he had it until a routine blood test found it! Sometimes patients can even go into remission, it's unlikely but it can happen.

pinkladyof66 wrote: »

Maybe SS has picked up on the fact the 3 year old needs more stimulation and mixing with other children of her own age.

Highly unlikely, my 3 year is already very advanced for her age (she'll be 4 this year) and doesn't/did not do anything for the health visitors OR social worker to think she needs more stimulation, and she does mix with children of her own age many times a week when visiting family, our family has lots of young children with it being so big and she sees them all several times a week.

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I for one with my experience of social workers and health visitors can well believe that the HV was put out that her services were no longer required.

The above has absolutely hit the nail on the head, this is exactly what's happened, I'm convinced of it.

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I bet if the OP had continued to accept visits by the HV none of this would have happened.

I totally agree.

poet123 wrote: »

I do have to agree that this is a possibility. My own HV was lovely, but had her own set ideas, my tack with my first child was to pay lip service to her and then do what my mother/mil/ experienced friends advised;). With subsequent children I was confident enough in my own abilities to smile politely and ignore as appropriate.

The point is you shouldn't have to smile politely and ignore as appropriate, at the end of the day if you choose not to have health visitors anymore then it's your choice.

Air_Cooled__75 wrote: »

OP, poor form to pull someone up over transposing a couple of letters when you can't grasp the difference between 'there' and 'their'

Perhaps it might not be a bad idea to send your girl to nursery, give her a bit of a head start...

Oh I do apologise, so shoot me now! Do you never make mistakes? You just made one!

Perhaps it might be a good idea to keep your 'good' ideas to yourself, I will decide whats best for my children and neither you or anyone else will decide for me.

coolcait

Snoopinggoose wrote: »

I've already said there were no other reasons! End of the day the health visitor quite clearly thought her nose was put out of joint because she was told she isn't needed, so she's decided off her own back clearly, to inform the social services she has a concern my 3 year old isn't in nursery! What the bloody hell does it have to do with her anyway? It wasn't the 3 year old she was coming to see!



It is my youngest child I was opting out of visits, as they are not needed, hence the option of being able to opt out, which as you've quite rightly said is my perogative.



Yes hypothetical indeed, my partner does have a serious illness BUT he isn't at the stage where it's serious enough to warrant any interaction or another level of care from a 3rd party, he is under the care of the hospital and they only see him every 4 months.

He's also still healthy enough to everything any 'normal' healthy person can do, kidney disease is a progressive thing which means it gets worse over time sometimes with little or no symptoms, he didn't even know he had it until a routine blood test found it! Sometimes patients can even go into remission, it's unlikely but it can happen.





Highly unlikely, my 3 year is already very advanced for her age (she'll be 4 this year) and doesn't/did not do anything for the health visitors OR social worker to think she needs more stimulation, and she does mix with children of her own age many times a week when visiting family, our family has lots of young children with it being so big and she sees them all several times a week.



The above has absolutely hit the nail on the head, this is exactly what's happened, I'm convinced of it.



I totally agree.



The point is you shouldn't have to smile politely and ignore as appropriate, at the end of the day if you choose not to have health visitors anymore then it's your choice.



Oh I do apologise, so shoot me now! Do you never make mistakes? You just made one!

Perhaps it might be a good idea to keep your 'good' ideas to yourself, I will decide whats best for my children and neither you or anyone else will decide for me.

I sense a lot of anger from you, OP.

That can't be good for you, or for your children.

whitewing

Snoopinggoose wrote: »

Perhaps it might be a good idea to keep your 'good' ideas to yourself, I will decide whats best for my children and neither you or anyone else will decide for me.

I find that sentence quite scary and I haven't met you.

jenhug

I am not going to comment on why you were reported to SS, as I have no experience of them so I really have no idea.

However, I am going to post as an adult who, when I was a child, my mother decided not to send me to nursery.

Imagine, for the first 5 years of your life, its just you and your mum, except for the odd occasion she meets up with a friend, and you see another child.

Then, one day, you are taken to a building you have never been in before. You are then taken to a room. There are 29 other children you have never seen before. And a strange woman.

Mum has gone. Who are these people and why am I here?

Long story short, scared the bejesus out of me and I spent the next 5 years school phobic.

School was an awful experience for me, from the very first day to the very last day. I look back at my school days with regret, the experiences my daughters have are so different to mine, and I find it hard to comprehend that they enjoy school so much.

Please consider sending your child to nursery or preschool, even if it is for just one day a week, or for one term, please think about it.

Snoopinggoose

coolcait wrote: »

I sense a lot of anger from you, OP.

That can't be good for you, or for your children.

Sense what you like, but let's call it frustration that some jumped up health visitor reported me all because her nose was pushed out of joint because she was obviously disgruntled because I didn't need her services any more!

whitewing wrote: »

I find that sentence quite scary and I haven't met you.

So me putting I will decide what's best for my children and I won't let Aircooled75 or anyone else tell me what's best for MY children is scary, is it?

Do you have kids? If so let me know your address and I'll gladly jot down lots of things I THINK is best for your kids, then you can let me know how you get on, deal?

jenhug wrote: »

I am not going to comment on why you were reported to SS, as I have no experience of them so I really have no idea.

However, I am going to post as an adult who, when I was a child, my mother decided not to send me to nursery.

Imagine, for the first 5 years of your life, its just you and your mum, except for the odd occasion she meets up with a friend, and you see another child.

Then, one day, you are taken to a building you have never been in before. You are then taken to a room. There are 29 other children you have never seen before. And a strange woman.

Mum has gone. Who are these people and why am I here?

Long story short, scared the bejesus out of me and I spent the next 5 years school phobic.

School was an awful experience for me, from the very first day to the very last day. I look back at my school days with regret, the experiences my daughters have are so different to mine, and I find it hard to comprehend that they enjoy school so much.

Please consider sending your child to nursery or preschool, even if it is for just one day a week, or for one term, please think about it.

Thanks for your post and I sympathise with you for what you went through, but as I've already stated as fact, my 3 year old has a lot of interaction with children of her own age, many times every week.

I will of course think about what you said, because at least you've been polite.

whitewing

I still don't see what's such a big deal about seeing a health visitor every so often.

Snoopinggoose

whitewing wrote: »

I still don't see what's such a big deal about seeing a health visitor every so often.

Like I said let me know your address and I'll gladly jot down lots of things I THINK is best for your kids, then you can let me know how you get on, deal?

You say it's scary that I should decide what's best for my children, therefore hinting I should let others decide what's best for my kids, so out of courtesy I will jot down some ideas to decide whats best for your kids, if you have any.

coolcait

Snoopinggoose wrote: »

Sense what you like, but let's call it frustration that some jumped up health visitor reported me all because her nose was pushed out of joint because she was obviously disgruntled because I didn't need her services any more!



So me putting I will decide what's best for my children and I won't let Aircooled75 or anyone else tell me what's best for MY children is scary, is it?

Do you have kids? If so let me know your address and I'll gladly jot down lots of things I THINK is best for your kids, then you can let me know how you get on, deal?



Thanks for your post and I sympathise with you for what you went through, but as I've already stated as fact, my 3 year old has a lot of interaction with children of her own age, many times every week.

I will of course think about what you said, because at least you've been polite.

Not sure why you have picked on Aircooled75 specifically.

Or why you have asked an internet poster for an address, so that you can jot down your views on this and that.

You're communicating on the internet already. There's no need for a postal address.

I don't think that people on this thread have been impolite (and I'm glad that you have recognised that in at least one case).

Many people have taken a view which is different from your own.

That is their prerogative.

And it does not mean that they have been impolite.

jenhug

whitewing wrote: »

I still don't see what's such a big deal about seeing a health visitor every so often.

I think it really does depend on who your health visitor is. I was terrified of my first one, I really felt like it was a "stand by your beds" inspection, it got so bad I used to hide when she knocked on the door!

With my second one, my health visitor could not have been more lovely, and I used to look forward to her visits.

I think as long as the baby is healthy and gaining weight, then there really isn't much point of a health visitor coming.

notanewuser

Snoopinggoose wrote: »

Sense what you like, but let's call it frustration that some jumped up health visitor reported me all because her nose was pushed out of joint because she was obviously disgruntled because I didn't need her services any more!



So me putting I will decide what's best for my children and I won't let Aircooled75 or anyone else tell me what's best for MY children is scary, is it?


<snip>


Thanks for your post and I sympathise with you for what you went through, but as I've already stated as fact, my 3 year old has a lot of interaction with children of her own age, many times every week.

I will of course think about what you said, because at least you've been polite.

Health visitors are highly trained professionals. I agree that sometimes they aren't a good personality fit. My HV is absolutely fantastic. No, we don't NEED her, but I find it helpful to run things past her and listen to her ideas on some things. There are others within the practice that I have no time for whatsoever because they really don't seem to have a clue about the practicalities of child rearing.

When you say "I'll decide what's best and nobody else" are you excluding your partner from the decision making? I think that's where the issue comes in. There are others who should be involved.

Nursery isn't just about interaction. I'm a very very laid back parent but the prospect of choosing a nursery and school for DD is bewildering (DD will be going to a Welsh school so needs to start somewhere soon where Welsh is the only language spoken to get her used to the idea. The other children she mixes with regularly won't be bilingual so while the interaction is great, it's not enough anymore. And DD is only 2.25 years old.)

I don't always take it, but sometimes advice and opinions of others are helpful for us as parents to make decisions. My best friend is a social worker, and she's a mine of useful information!!!