Social services onto me about not having child in nursery! Advice needed

Snoopinggoose

coolcait wrote: »

Not sure why you have picked on Aircooled75 specifically.

Then read the thread properly and all will become clear you why I picked his/her post specifically!

coolcait wrote: »

Or why you have asked an internet poster for an address, so that you can jot down your views on this and that.

Again read the thread properly and all will become clear! Whitewing suggested it was scary that I said I'd decide what's best for my kids, so if that's the case then it's also scary for Whitewing to decide what's best for there kids, therefore I offered to write down several things to decide what's best for there kids if they have any.

Clear now?

jenhug wrote: »

I think as long as the baby is healthy and gaining weight, then there really isn't much point of a health visitor coming.

This is the point I've been trying to get across, it's just the internet police think they know better than I do about my own child!

Snoopinggoose

notanewuser wrote: »

Health visitors are highly trained professionals.

Correction SOME are highly trained, others just haven't got a clue.

notanewuser wrote: »

When you say "I'll decide what's best and nobody else" are you excluding your partner from the decision making? I think that's where the issue comes in. There are others who should be involved.

Of course I don't mean my partner is excluded! It's his child as well! You knew I was talking about a 3rd party who doesn't know more than we (myself and my partner) do about our children.

notanewuser wrote: »

My best friend is a social worker, and she's a mine of useful information!!!

Oh I bet she is..

notanewuser

Snoopinggoose wrote: »

Correction SOME are highly trained, others just haven't got a clue.



Of course I don't mean my partner is excluded! It's his child as well! You knew I was talking about a 3rd party who doesn't know more then I do about our children.



Oh I bet she is..

((Sigh))

Health visitors are experienced nurses who go through a huge amount of additional training before they can be health visitors. I agree some are more suitable to particular families than others.

It was far from obvious. I was just pointing out why others may have been concerned. When I refer to my husband and I doing something together I say "we", not I. And when I say "absolutely nobody else can decide but me" I mean that. No husband, no family, nobody.

She's a social worker for a children's charity looking to help children with very serious problems. What she doesn't know about child development isn't worth knowing. So when she observes that DD is very forward in many ways it makes me very proud.

jenhug

If you don't mind me asking snoopingoose, which area are you in? My sister gave her health visitor her marching orders when my nephew was a few weeks old and she wasn't referred to SS.

The HV actually sat and argued with my sister that her sons name was incorrect on the red book, and crossed it out, wrote the wrong name, then had to cross it out and write the correct name again. (Our auntie was the midwife, and she filled the book out herself, so it definitely wasn't incorrect)!

Then she would only give a vague appointment time, or just wouldn't turn up.

shegirl

Snoopinggoose wrote: »

Sense what you like, but let's call it frustration that some jumped up health visitor reported me all because her nose was pushed out of joint because she was obviously disgruntled because I didn't need her services any more!



So me putting I will decide what's best for my children and I won't let Aircooled75 or anyone else tell me what's best for MY children is scary, is it?

Do you have kids? If so let me know your address and I'll gladly jot down lots of things I THINK is best for your kids, then you can let me know how you get on, deal?



Thanks for your post and I sympathise with you for what you went through, but as I've already stated as fact, my 3 year old has a lot of interaction with children of her own age, many times every week.

I will of course think about what you said, because at least you've been polite.

When you become a parent you have all sorts of people telling you what they think is best,giving their opinion and advice.It's perfectly normal.It can be annoying at times.However,it's not a reason to go off like you have.

' let me jot down what I think is best for your kids and see how you get on'...I can tell you how they'd get on,they'd read it and make their own decision,not go off on one like you have.

If this is how you are with the health visitor I wholly understand her concerns.

coolcait

Snoopinggoose wrote: »

Then read the thread properly and all will become clear you why I picked his/her post specifically!

That poster isn't the only one who has taken a different view from yours. So, it's not clear why you have picked on his/her post specifically.

Again read the thread properly and all will become clear! Whitewing suggested it was scary that I said I'd decide what's best for my kids, so if that's the case then it's also scary for Whitewing to decide what's best for there kids, therefore I offered to write down several things to decide what's best for there kids if they have any.

Clear now?

You are already communicating with Whitewing on the internet. You can write down all of your suggestions right here, and Whitewing will see them. You don't need Whitewing's real-life address for that.

It could appear threatening to demand someone's real-life address. Especially when there is no need for it.

This is the point I've been trying to get across, it's just the internet police think they know better than I do about my own child!

I believe I have to add some random text here, to meet the MSE wordcount.

littlerat

I have to say, most of my class at school (born 91 so really fairly young) didn't go anywhere before school - we had I think a few weeks before we had to go when we went there for half a day at a time to get used to it, something like that most of us did, but ultimately of our class of 30 only say 5-ish ever went anywhere before a primary school. The term before you're 5 thing probably meant I guess I did the summer term, part time? And then september on full-time? Not sure, don't remember I'm in Cornwall where even now there are I think a lot of SAHMs especially of under 5s. Googling says free nursery places for 4 year olds only started in '98, so as a relatively low income area, I guess not many could afford to use nurserys if not actually needed for work etc. Probably the same in many areas actually.

I *personally* agree kids need a bit maybe before being full-time, mainly for the away from parents side but she's only 3 - assuming she starts in the september, she could just go for the summer term of being 4 and still have that experience of being somewhere part time, IF that's what her mum and dad choose.


That said, I know people can seem to be giving personal opinions you weren't after, but that's what happens on the internet - you seem to be overreacting, I'm assuming probably just as the SS referral has made you a bit edgy over it all. But I think most here are just trying to help.


Seeing what 1 or 2 HVs I've met due to friends who have had kids are like... I can believe it. My mum wasn't referred to HV but 1 of hers was a *rude word*. I daresay some are lovely, of course, but others... not so much. Not saying they're not highly trained, but being highly trained on paper doesn't make you either good at a job, or generally a pleasant person.

lessonlearned

shegirl wrote: »

If this is how you are with the health visitor I wholly understand her concerns.

I agree.

Snoopingoose - you have spent 17 pages arguing on an Internet Forum with a bunch of strangers.

Such behaviour comes over as being irrational, obsessive and agressive. I'm not remotely surprised that Social Services feel the need to take a closer look at your situation.

You have two babies and a poorly partner. Even with a loving and supportive extended family it is still a lot for you to cope with.

HV's are there to support you as well as your children.

Zziggi

I can understand why the OP is 'annoyed'. Legally you are free to opt-out of Heath visiting and School Nursing service.

My HV was lovely and I was glad that she came round reguarly right up to DD being passed onto the school nursing service because she became school aged. I remember once when DD was about 18 months the HV told me she had to report me because DD had a bruise on her ear & that it is very hard to get a bruise there. She was honest with me and because I had a pretty good relationship with the HV, I understood she had to do it although I wasn't too pleased. Actually nothing came of it and I still to this day do not know how she got a bruise there!

However when my DD started school we saw the school nurse who was an awful woman. There were countless things she did that I did not like and I found her to be rather dishonest. Can't stand people like that so i took the decision to formally opt-out of school nursing service. Caused a bit of upset, can the senior school nurse on the phone but told her it was my legal right and I was exercising it. Nothing has come of it.

The only time I have had any difficulty is when I took DD to A&E. She had an accident at her weekend kids' club. A&E wanted her name, address, d.o.b etc and school. I asked why do you want her school name? they told me it is so they can inform the school nurse of her accident. I promptly told them we'd opted-out of school nursing to which i was told 'you can't'. Once that was cleared up they still insisted on having the name of the school as they said they wanted to pass the info on anyway. I point blankly refused to tell them the school name and told them it was irrelevant because we have opted out. They had the GP info, addres etc etc & it was first ever trip to A&E and DD herself was telling them she'd tripped up at the kids club. Not had a SS visit though.

I do understand that state has to play a role in protecting children BUT there seems to often be an imbalance of power. It seems that if, as a parent, you make a choice that someone in a professional capability dislikes, then you are investigated because you must be hidin something. It makes the situation all the more ludicrous when you are investigated for simply choosing to opt out of an optional service. If they don't want people to opt out, then make it compulsory!

Snoopinggoose

lessonlearned wrote: »

I agree.

Snoopingoose - you have spent 17 pages arguing on an Internet Forum with a bunch of strangers.

Such behaviour comes over as being irrational, obsessive and agressive. I'm not remotely surprised that Social Services feel the need to take a closer look at your situation.

You have two babies and a poorly partner. Even with a loving and supportive extended family it is still a lot for you to cope with.

HV's are there to support you as well as your children.

Sorry? Arguing? You mean getting my point across! There is NOTHING remotely irrational or obsessive <-- ??? How do you get that? So everyone else whose commented numerous times does that make them obsessive as well? And aggressive? Oh you mean because I won't bow down and agree to what 'the majority' are trying to TELL me to do..

As for you completely understand why social services want to look closer at my situation, sorry but I don't think you understand jack, until you do more research and actually read this entire thread, it would be wise for you to keep quiet.

And no I have 1 child and 1 baby, not 2 babies, and yes I have a poorly partner, but not poorly in the sense he is incapacitated! You clearly haven't read all of this thread nor understand my situation!

And lets face facts the majority of you lot are holier than thou who think they know best for me and my family, who think because they post on a forum they know it all, well sorry to burst your bubble you don't and never will, now get off your high horse before you hurt yourself.

And regarding your comment 'Even with a loving and supportive extended family it is still a lot for you to cope with.' how more patronizing can you get? You don't have a clue about it allegedly being a lot to cope with, so let me put you in the picture, I have 1 child and 1 baby, a partner who is ill but NOT incapacitated, one who other than being diagnosed with a progressive illness does feel healthy and can do everything a 'normal' healthy person can do!

And it's not a lot for me to cope with at all! It would be a sad day if it was! I'm a strong character and a strong person and if 2 adults can't cope with 1 child and 1 baby there is something seriously wrong with them! And even if I had to cope with 1 child, 1 baby and if my partner was incapacitated my support network is so great I would have no problems whatsoever.

So now your in the picture, go ahead and think about what you posted before you post such patronizing rubbish again!