Social services onto me about not having child in nursery! Advice needed

POPPYOSCAR

Squirrelchops can I please ask you something?

Does your department go into families homes of children that are overweight and tell them what they must feed their children and how they must cook it?

FBaby

johnnyl wrote: »

thats great for you, however some of us dont wish to be on a radar quite simply because our lives are sod all to do with anyone else. If your happy with a system that molly coddles you and essentially spies on you then great. I dont agree with it nor do I buy into the myth that the system knows best. It is a system set up by and carried out by people who have a vested interest in the system itself.

You got it totally wrong. I don't want a system that molly coddles, as a matter of fact, I have an issue with how schools close just because the heating is off for a few hours, or how parents don't dare leaving their kids home for an hour when they are teenagers etc...

However, I fully support a system that insure they protect the children of our societies who are vulnerable and if means that I am investigated because something has come to the radar, than so be it.

As stated above, my son at 9 was coming home on the bus on his own, crossing a busy road and sometimes on his own for up to an hour. If social services were to knock on the door because of it, I would welcome them, and would be happy to show them that I have taken the decision based on his level of maturity, that it was his choice and one he is happy with. I would be happy for them to talk to his teacher. I assume that would take no time and then it would over with. In the meantime, they would be reassured that my son is not at risk.

People need to stop being paranoid about the authority and see themselves as victims as soon as they are being asked some questions. If we didn't live in a society where abuse and neglect continued to happen, then we wouldn't have to do so, but we do and we have to accept it.

squirrelchops

An overweight child in itself would not trigger a referral in the team in which I work - we would signpost the referrer to perhaps send the family information on local projects that work within this area or to liaise with the school nurse.

However, this is again only basing it on your sole question. If we added in other things such as:
- family were referred to dietician but did not attend several appointments
- children's health needs are being seriously affected by their weight i.e. GP information leads to concerns, rotten teeth, ill health due to weight
- school attendance is slipping - perhaps due to bullying
- parents are not properly feeding child despite on going advice and support (this raises concerns regarding the parent's capacity to meet their child's
needs)
-child's mood is being impacted by their weight, their self esteem is low, they have a lot of worries about themselves


Then if you added in these other factors, yes I would be considering an assessment necessary.

It is about looking holisitically at that child and how the different factors are impacting on that child's development and the parenting capacity to meet that child's needs. If I had a morbidly obsese child and that parent, despite repeated support and advice still did nothing to support that child's need to be healthy then that would raise concerns.

I hope that helps poppyoscar.

NB: Remember what I have posted earlier about the family being aware of the referral too - in your question I would hope the parent was fully aware of why the referral had been made.

I have worked with families that have all been overweight. Was this the initial reason for referral - no. However in the course of my involvement they have raised it as a worry for them and we have looked at how they can gain support in addressing this. I have had colleagues who have had cases where the reason for referral has been concerns regarding a child's weight and the parents were not or could not address this.

FBaby

The problem is that inevitably, unless the family have a serious issue with alcohol or drugs, or learning difficulties, serious mental health etc... parents always think they do best for their children. Unfortunately, what a parent think is best is not forceably what is indeed best. The difference between what is every parent's choice how to bring up their kids, and what is the welfare of the child is not always black and white.

Taking the overweight child, their parents might be both seriously overweight themselves as were their parents. It is normality for them. They might think that their parents made it to an older age, and that they are healthy themselves and so it is not a problem. They might be in denial and not link any health issue with obesity. They might not be aware that the child is very unhappy, or they might think that cutting down on snack, resulting on the child having major tantrums, is too traumatic for the child.

We as parents normally know best for our children, but not always, and that's when it gets very difficult.

Mojisola

squirrelchops wrote: »

NB: Remember what I have posted earlier about the family being aware of the referral too - in your question I would hope the parent was fully aware of why the referral had been made.

This is hypothetical - not referring to Snoopinggoose -
would a HV really be expected to tell parents that she thought they were abusing a child? Wouldn't that put her at risk, not knowing how they would react?

Ms_Chocaholic

but if OP is opting out of HV for older child; does that mean she is also optng out out of HV service for her younger child too?

squirrelchops

Mojisola wrote: »

This is hypothetical - not referring to Snoopinggoose -
would a HV really be expected to tell parents that she thought they were abusing a child? Wouldn't that put her at risk, not knowing how they would react?

The only time a parent is not informed of the referral is if it is felt that by telling the parent places the child at more risk.

However, in all the referral we receive on a daily basis, this doesn't happen that often. As agencies we are 'Working Together' to promote safeguarding and the well being of children.

If however a child has a bruise for example, then yes they would be expected to have asked how the child got that bruise and that a referral will be made to children's services if that is what they consider needs to happen.

Do you mean it could put the health visitor at risk due to the parent's response?? It could, yes but better that health visitor is honest with the parents and has some anger vented than for a referral to be done 'cloak and dagger'. That doesn't help anyone and remember that health visitor would have to continue working with the family after the referral. At least with an honest approach the family feel they know where they stand with that professional. The health visitor also would not be calling them 'abusers' - they would be querying an injury.

FBaby

Mojisola wrote: »

This is hypothetical - not referring to Snoopinggoose -
would a HV really be expected to tell parents that she thought they were abusing a child? Wouldn't that put her at risk, not knowing how they would react?

But surely a referral doesn't mean that they thought they were abusing a child, just that there were a number of circumstances that required further investigations from the professionals whose job it is to do.

There is a gap between having some doubts and thinking that they are guilty.

I was burgled on Wednesday. I have my suspicions on some young builders who've started doing some work a week ago just a few houses up. This was based on circumstances (mainly the opportunistic nature of the burglary). I told the police when they came and make a report, but that doesn't mean that I am convinced they are guilty and wanted them arrested immediately just that I thought the police should know about them. I know the police came to speak to them the following day, but as far as I know, they haven't been arrested!

mrcow

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

but if OP is opting out of HV for older child; does that mean she is also optng out out of HV service for her younger child too?

Perhaps.

So what if they are?

poet123

mrcow wrote: »

Perhaps.

So what if they are?

I thought it was the younger child she was opting out for. Again, that is her prerogative.