Social services onto me about not having child in nursery! Advice needed

Air_Cooled_75

I think OP is the dad and has chronic kidney disease (sorry, can't remember, it's way past my bedtime) and that there were some issues with their tenancy, nothing bad just coming to an end and not knowing where they stood (again, can't be 100% sure) maybe these factors have contributed?

fawd1

Snoopinggoose wrote: »

Well my point is this, no referral should ever have been made just because the health visitor felt her nose had been pushed out of joint..

Actually I believe Health Visitors are obliged to inform SS if they've been asked not to visit someone. Not saying it's right, just saying I don't think it's that anyone had it out for you or thought you were unfit. I can understand why SS might just want to check if you don't have any children being checked up on by anyone else by choice. Not saying it's right, just that that's how kids slip through the cracks, when parents say they don't want any outside interference.

coolcait

Air_Cooled_75 wrote: »

I think OP is the dad and has chronic kidney disease (sorry, can't remember, it's way past my bedtime) and that there were some issues with their tenancy, nothing bad just coming to an end and not knowing where they stood (again, can't be 100% sure) maybe these factors have contributed?

Good point.

Which may explain this strange sentence in the first post:

Snoopinggoose wrote: »

Hi,

... I've got 4 sisters, my brother has got 2 brothers, 7 aunties on his dads side, 3 uncles and 2 aunties on his mother side etc!

...

So, the male OP is one of seven siblings - four female and three male. He has seven aunties on his dad's side and three uncles and two aunties on his mother's side.

No mention of the OP's partner's extended family.

fawd1

Nicki wrote: »

So why did OP say they couldn't continue to do regular home visits then?




With a second child, you usually get one home visit from the HV to coincide with being signed off by the community midwife, and if OP has only had one visit from the HV recently, and not been having regular ones over the course of the last few years, why on earth did she make a scene about the one post birth visit?

Good point. With my second DS I had a midwife visit to check me, and a HV visit to check the baby. They then suggested I go to one more appointment 3 weeks later at a clinic for the baby, as it was clear I was fine with baby. That was it. They told me after that it was up to me how often or not I took him in for weighing measuring etc.

So, a grand total of 1 HV visit at my home and one at a clinic. I can understand why someone would be worried if you said you didn't even want to do that. Frankly, if it were me, I'd check the time of the visit, buy some biscuits and invite SS to stay as long as they wanted. I have nothing to hide, so why be angry? I would rather a check was made on me, just in case, than that children were not checked up on in case their parents got offended!

skylight

Wait until SS contact you and then find out what it is about? Would be easier for you and at least you won't be worrying needlessly. You have no real idea what the referral was made for at this point - TBH I don't think it has anything to do with nursery (although you never know!) at nursery is not compulsory for anyone. It may just seem suspicious to them at this point. Remember that there has been a huge change in SS and these types of services to stop children falling through the net in the aftermath of so many horrid instances over recent years. They have their own i's to dot and t's to cross and everything has to be done by the book. So its not because the HV has a bee in her bonnet; after all as you mentioned, you will be taking baby to see her anyway.

Look to the positive, having SS involved may open the doors to some more services or support you may need as a family?

johnnyl

nickyhutch wrote: »

It CAN represent a concern - how don't you get that, when poster after poster has outlined why?

because then it becomes a judgement call on the part of the HV. It in itself is not concerning.

zcrat41

I totally agree with the op that both nursery and hv are optional although I would argue that the former needs to be provided in some way shape or form for a 3 yr old but it's totally up to the parents how that socialisation / learning is provided.

However, if you displayed even one iota of that angry and aggressive attitude to the hv I can totally understand why they referred you. You have not come across to us as giving your arguments in a rational and calm manner but one that is aggressive and sweary.

pinkladyof66

notanewuser wrote: »

I saw no mention in the OP of involvement with other children.....??

RE preschool/nursery - assuming you were born in 1965 you are 12 years older than me. My nursery teacher at age 3 was in her 50s and had been teaching at the nursery for over 20 years (so since 1960 at least).

i was born in 1966 and we went to play school it was called then a couple of mornings a week so it did exist back then maybe the poster who was born around this time (her parents decided not to send them)

pinkladyof66

our son who is now 4 was visited by our HV for a couple of months after he moved in with us year ago -she was satisfied all was well and said if you need me give me a call. I think it is done to the fact that the baby is only 7 weeks old. A HV should be visiting alot longer than just a few months. I am sure it would trigger something also a child needs to go to pre school albeit one morning a week when the child goes to school i am sure the child will play up and not like being away from the parent so long if as other posters have said they have been with mum 24/7 a child needs to learn social skills and get used to the school environment

Sambucus_Nigra

Molly41 wrote: »

Because you choose to keep your children hidden from society - that is a worrying behaviour as has been discussed on this thread. Vulnerable children can disappear under the radar as has been shown by horrendous cases of child abuse and neglect.

Well the 54 people who thanked my post do agree! I think you need to admit you are out on a limb here. If you displayed this attitude to the HV then I can understand her concerns.

What reasons do you have for denying your DD nursery ?

Is this like people being accused of child abuse because their kid hasn't got a playstation, ipad or 50inch flat screen TV?

Surely it's none of your business why the OP 'denies' their children nursery? Until it becomes a police state and going to nursery is compulsory of course! Not all home school kids are being abused either. And going to nursery or school doesn't make other kids safe.