mum not letting me move back in..

Dunroamin

HoneyAndLemon wrote: »

Its not my fault she got herself pregnant.

How miraculous!:rotfl:

HoneyAndLemon

Dunroamin wrote: »

How miraculous!:rotfl:

Her middle name is Mary.

System

She should let you move back in as you're still young and need her help. I have no idea why some parents want their children out of the house. If I have kids they will have the home forever if needed.

Nicki

HoneyAndLemon wrote: »

Its not my fault she got herself pregnant. She was an adult when she did that. Thats not something I need to feel guilty for. Isn't the point your making that adults need to take responsibility and that there shouldn't be any sympathy for me? why should my mums situation be any different? Automatically she's had a tougher time because she had a child? People without kids have it easy do they?

And in what way am I not independant? Because I asked for help?

Only in the twisted paranoid universe you inhabit!

The point I was making is that your mum knows what it is like to really struggle financially, as opposed to wanting £700 disposable income a month rather than "just" £200 to put towards debts. And that she had no choice but to make ends meet - had she not you would not have been housed and fed, whereas you have the choice of paying your loan over 2 or 3 years.

So given that she KNOWS what it is like to be short of money at the age you currently are, and KNOWS that it can be done, and also KNOWS that you are not in genuine difficulty, her lack of sympathy for your plight is understandable.

You are not independent because it even crossed your mind that your mum should bail you out, and because she has done this for you once already, and because if she doesn't come up with the goods your plan is to go and scrounge off your BF's mum instead! As I said earlier I was married at your age, having left home at 18, and neither me nor my husband who is the same age as I am would have ever considered asking our parents for finanical assistance of any kind at that age or ever, much less moving back in to live with them. Put simply, we were not their problem or responsibility at that age, and you are not your mum's responsibility at your age.

365days

Nicki wrote: »

Only in the twisted paranoid universe you inhabit!

The point I was making is that your mum knows what it is like to really struggle financially, as opposed to wanting £700 disposable income a month rather than "just" £200 to put towards debts. And that she had no choice but to make ends meet - had she not you would not have been housed and fed, whereas you have the choice of paying your loan over 2 or 3 years.

So given that she KNOWS what it is like to be short of money at the age you currently are, and KNOWS that it can be done, and also KNOWS that you are not in genuine difficulty, her lack of sympathy for your plight is understandable.

You are not independent because it even crossed your mind that your mum should bail you out, and because she has done this for you once already, and because if she doesn't come up with the goods your plan is to go and scrounge off your BF's mum instead! As I said earlier I was married at your age, having left home at 18, and neither me nor my husband who is the same age as I am would have ever considered asking our parents for finanical assistance of any kind at that age or ever, much less moving back in to live with them. Put simply, we were not their problem or responsibility at that age, and you are not your mum's responsibility at your age.

Maybe the circumstances you describe is what has left you vitriolic.

I'm guessing you will be kicking your kids out of the door on their 18th birthday.

meer53

HoneyAndLemon wrote: »

Its not my fault she got herself pregnant. She was an adult when she did that. Thats not something I need to feel guilty for. Isn't the point your making that adults need to take responsibility and that there shouldn't be any sympathy for me? why should my mums situation be any different? Automatically she's had a tougher time because she had a child? People without kids have it easy do they?

And in what way am I not independant? Because I asked for help?

With respect, you can hardly compare the situation your mum found herself in to your situation now.

You do come across as very childish and immature.

And YES, ABSOLUTELY, your mum would have found it incredibly tough as a single parent. I know because i am one. If your only problems are financial ones, count yourself lucky.

JRTowner

To the OP I think the adage: "Be beholden to no one" is true here. Sort out your financial situation by yourself and then you can easily refuse your mum financial help, or any other sort of assistance she asks for, in future with a clear conscience.

I know many parents would allow their adult children to return home in this situation but there are also some who wouldn't. As yours is one of the latter all you can do is follow the financial advice you get from this site and sort yourself out.

I have some sympathy as I have a similar-ish back ground but I actually think by being independent you put yourself in a position where you won't feel that you must help your mum out in future when she makes requests and this will alleviate a load of potential guilt. Good luck!

Nicki

365days wrote: »

Maybe the circumstances you describe is what has left you vitriolic.

I'm guessing you will be kicking your kids out of the door on their 18th birthday.

No reason to think that. My middle child has severe learning difficulties and will be with us for the whole of her life.

My other children are welcome to stay until they have an income and a home to go to, but once they have this in place and a long term partner they share their life with, then I expect that they will stand on their own two feet and that whatever my husband and my income is at that point will be ours to budget for our own needs not keep aside to support my adult children as and when they feel like it.

This is not a case of an adult child facing homelessness or bankruptcy or being unable to meet their outgoings. It is an adult child who effectively wants her mother to pay part of her debts off for her, by giving her subsidised accommodation. It is not vitriolic to point out that most parents would not expect to do this, and most adults would not ask their parents.

Is OP expecting still to be asking her mother for money in 10 years time? 20, 30? Her mother doesn't have a large number of working years left and has a degenerative disease and is not financially well off. She's not in a fantastic position herself to be the OP's financial cushion.

365days

Oh pleeeaaasssseeee. I'm a single mum too. Yes it's tough but not a free card to be like the OP's mother.

Nicki

365days wrote: »

Oh pleeeaaasssseeee. I'm a single mum too. Yes it's tough but not a free card to be like the OP's mother.

Maybe that's what's made you so vitriolic :rotfl::rotfl: