mum not letting me move back in..

meer53

365days wrote: »

Oh pleeeaaasssseeee. I'm a single mum too. Yes it's tough but not a free card to be like the OP's mother.

We only have one side of this story.

Person_one

Nicki wrote: »

Only in the twisted paranoid universe you inhabit!

Now that's just not very nice at all.

365days

Nicki wrote: »

No reason to think that. My middle child has severe learning difficulties and will be with us for the whole of her life.

My other children are welcome to stay until they have an income and a home to go to, but once they have this in place and a long term partner they share their life with, then I expect that they will stand on their own two feet and that whatever my husband and my income is at that point will be ours to budget for our own needs not keep aside to support my adult children as and when they feel like it.

This is not a case of an adult child facing homelessness or bankruptcy or being unable to meet their outgoings. It is an adult child who effectively wants her mother to pay part of her debts off for her, by giving her subsidised accommodation. It is not vitriolic to point out that most parents would not expect to do this, and most adults would not ask their parents.

Is OP expecting still to be asking her mother for money in 10 years time? 20, 30? Her mother doesn't have a large number of working years left and has a degenerative disease and is not financially well off. She's not in a fantastic position herself to be the OP's financial cushion.

This situation is completely different though, at leasthow I understand it.

Up until 18 months ago OP and OH were living with her Mum. They move out, and in discussions with Mum (who wnats a big wedding and OP to go back to University) Mum says they can move back to enable them to save/pay back quicker. I'm presuming OP considers this. In the meantime OP's Mum found a partner and has changed her mind.(leaving aside the way portrays her Mum and her childhood)She feels aggrieved that her Mum has changed her mind. She isn't asking for money (Her mum asks her for it)

That is miles away from someone getting their knickers in a twist about being told no when they have asked out of the blue to return home to save some money.

My imaginary picture of her Mum is of a party girl who, now she has a new man, feels her daughter will cramp her style. Whereas when she was alone it was convenient for her to have her daughter around.

I certainly don't see her as the person you paint. Interesting how 2 people can read the same thread and come to such wildly differing views.

Nicki

Person_one wrote: »

Now that's just not very nice at all.

whereas this was just lovely and not in the least paranoid or a twisted reaction :cool:

HoneyAndLemon wrote: »

Its not my fault she got herself pregnant. She was an adult when she did that. Thats not something I need to feel guilty for. Isn't the point your making that adults need to take responsibility and that there shouldn't be any sympathy for me? why should my mums situation be any different? Automatically she's had a tougher time because she had a child? People without kids have it easy do they?

And in what way am I not independant? Because I asked for help?

Just to remind you, what was quoted above was in response to a post which contained NO ELEMENT of criticism of OP, but an attempt to give some insight into her mum's viewpoint and the reasons for it:

OP, when your mum was the same age as you are now, not only did she have to work to put a roof over her head, pay her bills and clear any debts she had, but she was also responsible for the care and upbringing of a 4 year old child with minimal support. So perhaps it is more understandable bearing all that in mind that she expects you to be a lot more independent than you seem to be?

HoneyAndLemon

365 days you really have hit the nail on the head and really get where I'm coming from.

At no point have I said I'm asking my mum for money, she's the one borrows of me and she's 42! I'm offering HER money to let me live back at home. I don't live in a twisted or paranoid world at all.

365days

Well it wasn't her fault her Mum got pregnant. It wasn't her fault her Mum treated her like a convenient maid. It wasn't her fault her Mum was a single Mum, and it wasn't her fault that her mum appears to put what's between her legs in front of her own daughter.

Or do you think she should be responsible for that?

meer53

365days wrote: »

Well it wasn't her fault her Mum got pregnant. It wasn't her fault her Mum treated her like a convenient maid. It wasn't her fault her Mum was a single Mum, and it wasn't her fault that her mum appears to put what's between her legs in front of her own daughter.

Or do you think she should be responsible for that?

And it's not her Mums fault that she now has debt which she wants her Mum to help her repay.

HoneyAndLemon

I'm just choosing to ignore those posts now 365 anyway but thanks for stepping in

365days

meer53 wrote: »

And it's not her Mums fault that she now has debt which she wants her Mum to help her repay.

I don't remember anyone saying it was. Maybe you could point me in the direction of it?

System

meer53 wrote: »

And it's not her Mums fault that she now has debt which she wants her Mum to help her repay.

Do you have any idea how tough it is for under 25's to get a decent career without going into some debt?