mum not letting me move back in..

ruby-roo_2

365days wrote: »

I tend to lack the subtleties needed in fighting the MSE lynch mob mentality.

Going by your responses on this thread you are more than qualified.

Going by what you have divulged we work in very similar fields. Yes we come into contact with all manner of shocking and awful tings. That does not warrant talking about someones mum in the way you did. As you will know children, grown or not, love their parents. It is part of our role to respect that and not to talk in awful ways about them, however justified we may feel.

If the way you portray yourself on here is a true reflection of how you are in real life I am amazed you have held the job down. We only have your word for it that you are any good at what you do or are respected in your role.

Dunroamin

365days wrote: »

What about it do you find disgusting? A reference to a human activity enjoyed by many?

I have witnessed many mums who have tossed their kids aside when the latest lover comes along. That in my eyes is far more disgusting. My social level (by that do you mean class) may not be that. However my job is to pick up the pieces of the kids whose mothers do that to them. So yes, I do know what I'm talking about. Some people have no idea how some mothers treat their children. Luckily people like me are prepared to take off our rose tinted glasses and believe that all mothers do not deserve unconditional respect just because they have given birth.

.

But the OP isn't a kid - she's an adult. It's perfectly reasonable that her mother should put her own relationships ahead of her daughter unless in dire emergency, which isn't the case at the moment.

365days

My job, among other things, is to listen and empathise. I think I have a very clear picture of what the OP's Mum is like from the information I have access to, namely what has been said here by her.

The OP has said 'You have hit the nail on the head' . Therefore I believe I have empathised very well through 'listening' to what has been said.

True I may have projected a little of some of the people I come across onto her mother, but only based on the information she has given here.


I wonder if the OP wanted to tell her problems to someone, she would like someone to actually HEAR what she is saying, or have people rolling out the line 'You should respect your mother'

I know the OP isn't a child but she's still young. I wonder how many victims of abuse have been put off by people saying 'Oh but your Mum wouldn't do anything like that'

So thanks for your concern over my capacity to do my job. I think I have proved that I can empathise and listen to what is actually being said. It's not easy to do, as has been proven by the inability of others to do the same.

365days

Dunroamin wrote: »

But the OP isn't a kid - she's an adult. It's perfectly reasonable that her mother should put her own relationships ahead of her daughter unless in dire emergency, which isn't the case at the moment.

Yes it is. However I can understand her hurt that up until the latest man came along it was perfectly ok for her to move in. I can also hear from her posts that this isn't the first time her Mum has put a man's needs in front of hers.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I think women who continually take on new partners and drop their kids as a result a bit low. As I say other people may find this acceptable.

Dunroamin

365days wrote: »

Yes it is. However I can understand her hurt that up until the latest man came along it was perfectly ok for her to move in. I can also hear from her posts that this isn't the first time her Mum has put a man's needs in front of hers.

Maybe I'm wrong, but I think women who continually take on new partners and drop their kids as a result a bit low. As I say other people may find this acceptable.

If they actually are kids then I would agree.When your children are adults both you and they are free to set their own priorities - I very much doubt that the OP puts hernmother first when starting new relationships.

cazziebo

Being blunt, the post below leads me to question whether you have any professional training. One of the first things you learn in the kind of role you describe is that there are always three sides to every story, in this case, the daughter's, the mother's and the truth. You are being very judgemental and strident about a situation following an internet posting from only one perspective.

365days wrote: »

My job, among other things, is to listen and empathise. I think I have a very clear picture of what the OP's Mum is like from the information I have access to, namely what has been said here by her.

The OP has said 'You have hit the nail on the head' . Therefore I believe I have empathised very well through 'listening' to what has been said.

True I may have projected a little of some of the people I come across onto her mother, but only based on the information she has given here.


I wonder if the OP wanted to tell her problems to someone, she would like someone to actually HEAR what she is saying, or have people rolling out the line 'You should respect your mother'

I know the OP isn't a child but she's still young. I wonder how many victims of abuse have been put off by people saying 'Oh but your Mum wouldn't do anything like that'

So thanks for your concern over my capacity to do my job. I think I have proved that I can empathise and listen to what is actually being said. It's not easy to do, as has been proven by the inability of others to do the same.

make_me_wise

cazziebo wrote: »

Being blunt, the post below leads me to question whether you have any professional training. One of the first things you learn in the kind of role you describe is that there are always three sides to every story, in this case, the daughter's, the mother's and the truth. You are being very judgemental and strident about a situation following an internet posting from only one perspective.

Well said. Glad I am not the only one to think this.

365days

Here's the difference. I'm not at work.


I think I'm right. You think I'm wrong.You think you're right. I think you're wrong.

Shall we go on?

thorsoak

365days wrote: »

Well it wasn't her fault her Mum got pregnant. It wasn't her fault her Mum treated her like a convenient maid. It wasn't her fault her Mum was a single Mum, and it wasn't her fault that her mum appears to put what's between her legs in front of her own daughter.

Or do you think she should be responsible for that?

365days: you imply that you are a professional counsellor - surely the above cannot under any circumstances be construed as professional?


You obviously strongly empathise with honey&lemon - but your comments may not be in her best interests.

H&L's mother became pregnant at an early age and it would appear that her learning curve was steep - but she has brought up her daughter to be independant. H&L appears to be a very critical judgemental young woman - and all the tags of narcissitic could also be pointed at her.

My advice to H&L has been that she distances herself from her mother at the moment, and arranges her own accommodation, that she does not make specific plans for sharing a home with her mother in the future when she does not know what the future may bring. At 42, mother could well enter into another relationship and even have another child:eek:

pupsicola

thorsoak wrote: »

H&L appears to be a very critical judgemental young woman - and all the tags of narcissitic could also be pointed at her.

I agree with you. That is the conclusion I came to about her having read this whole thread.