mum not letting me move back in..

edeneve

I commented yesterday on my feelings about what OP expected of her mother...but the later comments and resentment towards her mother make me see she really is acting just like my teens....I'm a single mum and try as hard as I might there is always one teen feeling they dont have enough or I don't do enough or resenting me for something that they say 'everyone elses' parents do.

At 23 stop harrassing your mum, she's done what she could (and yes parents all make mistakes at times), its time for you to grow up stop blaming her and accept your own inadequacies. If she is being selfish then she can be, its her life now and her choice. Time to realise your mum is a human being with a life to live, she is much more than YOUR mum and believe me there are much worse things as a kid you could have endured (I have worked with truly neglected kids tossed through the care system).

You are in control of your own life and those women at work may have said that to save face...because I bet you were going 'I can't believe my mum won't let me back home......', reality I bet would be different.

Dunroamin

HoneyAndLemon wrote: »

365 days you really have hit the nail on the head and really get where I'm coming from.

At no point have I said I'm asking my mum for money, she's the one borrows of me and she's 42! I'm offering HER money to let me live back at home. I don't live in a twisted or paranoid world at all.

If you're asking your mother to house you and your partner at such a low rate then she will be subsidising you and effectively giving you money.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

HoneyAndLemon wrote: »

Its not my fault she got herself pregnant. She was an adult when she did that. Thats not something I need to feel guilty for. Isn't the point your making that adults need to take responsibility and that there shouldn't be any sympathy for me? why should my mums situation be any different? Automatically she's had a tougher time because she had a child? People without kids have it easy do they?

And in what way am I not independant? Because I asked for help?

Ouch.

Mind you, it wasn't her fault you did, either. And that really sounds like the young teenagers' wail 'I never asked to be born' when told if they couldn't be bothered to put their dirty washing in the linen basket, they'd have to do their own washing.

Termination of pregnancy still isn't easy to come by in Northern Ireland, but some women still make the journey over here when faced with a unwanted pregnancy. She didn't.

If you believe you deserve to have her give you a Benefit in Kind (which it would be were it anyone else) of so much money in the form of accommodation, then it's not so much you aren't independent, its that you don't want to be if it means having to go without.

KxMx

Bennifred wrote: »

I wonder how many people who think their parent is selfish or a narcissist are actually that way inclined themselves? :think:

I suggest you browse just a few pages of HappyHaddock's thread to educate yourself.

It may open your eyes to how a narcissist parent behaves. In many cases a 3 year old toddler is more grown-up and would feel shame at behaving in such a manner!

And since those posting (myself included) have recognised the abuse for what it is and stood up to it, it's very, very unlikely we will repeat the same with our kids!

365days

Hanging_by_a_thread wrote: »

What a disgusting thing to write about a woman you do not know. We only have the OPs word for it that this woman has treated her so badly.

Personally I dont believe a word of it and I will explain why. The OP has made out in her first post that things were far worse than they actually are, admitting this herself later in the thread. She thanked the person who suggested she manipulate her mother so she can get her own way. At that point I lost all respect for her.

Yet you think she has carried herself exceptionally well! If comments like the one you made above are your social level, then I can understand how you can bring yourself to think that of her.

What about it do you find disgusting? A reference to a human activity enjoyed by many?

I have witnessed many mums who have tossed their kids aside when the latest lover comes along. That in my eyes is far more disgusting. My social level (by that do you mean class) may not be that. However my job is to pick up the pieces of the kids whose mothers do that to them. So yes, I do know what I'm talking about. Some people have no idea how some mothers treat their children. Luckily people like me are prepared to take off our rose tinted glasses and believe that all mothers do not deserve unconditional respect just because they have given birth.

If you feel so disgusted by my comment, may I suggest you don't work where I do. You'd last 5 seconds.

365days

make_me_wise wrote: »

Marisco didn't do that as you can clearly see when you read her post. I wonder what the word for you is, someone who quoted another and purposefully twisted what they wrote in order to try and ridicule them.

I guess the word for me is a !!!! stirrer. I tend to lack the subtleties needed in fighting the MSE lynch mob mentality. I'll stick around and then maybe I can learn how to answer more appropriately when I see the 'lionesses' circle. Maybe I'll join you all and then you can have another lioness in your gang.

mountainofdebt

And the other thing I think the Op has to get past is this feeling of being hard done by now beause she is happy NOW to have her mother come to live with her if the mum's condition demands it yet the mum won't help the OP now.

The future is a funny thing - we all think we'd like to act in a certain way but when hypothetical becomes reality, the truth of the matter is we sometimes don't.

So what would happen if the mum did need to come to live with the OP and the OP wasn't in the right place, in her life, for the mum to come and live - would she suck it up and let her mum come anyway ? Or would it be a case of 'I need to think about that?'

What would happen if the OP bought a large enough house with the intention of the mum coming to live with her but it meant that the OP's budget was stretched - wouldn't there be resentment ? Or worse if the house was repossessed because of a change in the mum's circumstances?

Dunroamin

Bennifred wrote: »

I wonder how many people who think their parent is selfish or a narcissist are actually that way inclined themselves? :think:

I wonder when people started thinking that all this twaddle was mainstream thinking and treating it as gospel.

Hanging_by_a_thread

365days wrote: »

What about it do you find disgusting? A reference to a human activity enjoyed by many?

don't work where I do. You'd last 5 seconds.

I cannot believe a grown woman is asking the above question. Truly you dont think the way you referred to the OPs mum was in really bad taste. There are many ways of suggesting a mum puts her relationships and sex life before a child. Stating this the way you did was really crass and frankly horrible.

If speaking and thinking in the way you do are one of the traits required to hold down the job you do then you are welcome to it. For the record you do not know what I do for a living or what situations I have to deal with in my job. So you therefore cannot judge whether I would last five minutes or make a huge success of doing your job.

You are clearly an attention seeker who wishes to get into sad arguments with a number of posters on this thread. On several occassions your sad attempt of ridiculing people have led you to look ridiculous. I have better things to do than pay someone like yourself any more attention. I will be ignoring any further responses from you.

365days

mountainofdebt wrote: »

And the other thing I think the Op has to get past is this feeling of being hard done by now beause she is happy NOW to have her mother come to live with her if the mum's condition demands it yet the mum won't help the OP now.

The future is a funny thing - we all think we'd like to act in a certain way but when hypothetical becomes reality, the truth of the matter is we sometimes don't.

So what would happen if the mum did need to come to live with the OP and the OP wasn't in the right place, in her life, for the mum to come and live - would she suck it up and let her mum come anyway ? Or would it be a case of 'I need to think about that?'

What would happen if the OP bought a large enough house with the intention of the mum coming to live with her but it meant that the OP's budget was stretched - wouldn't there be resentment ? Or worse if the house was repossessed because of a change in the mum's circumstances?

In all honesty I think the Op would take her mum in regardless as she appears to have been parenting her Mum her whole life.