How much lodge should I ask my son for

Welshwoofs

1. Charge him a third of his take-home pay
2. If he doesn't like that, tell him to rent a flat. 19 is far too old to be hanging off your parents' apron strings anyway...he should be out and independent in his own flat.

motherofstudents

OP I could have written this a few years ago. I charged my son £200 when he was earning the same as your son. My reasoning was that he was not a lodger, I was not out to make money from him but at the same time I wanted to make sure he knew he could not have something for nothing and that as an adult he should share the cost of living with us. He complained but paid up every month.

The girlfriend practically moved in from one or two nights a week to nearly all the time. She paid £40 a month for staying weekends. I don't think it's about how much it actually costs, unless you are really struggling, but more about teaching that everything has a cost. I don't think I charged him the going rate, I think he was on a good thing but for me it was more about him making a contribution.

He and his girlfriend bought their own house as soon as he qualified and he now does all the cooking and washing. She cleans the house and does the garden. I know he understands now about all the bills and I think he appreciates how much we saved him.. It's just a balance between teaching them and being fair. Hope you sort it out so that you all feel good about it.

FBaby

I think you need to be very careful and clear at to the reason for asking to increase the amount he contributes. In some posts, you refer to how much he spends, therefore should contribute, in others how much he should pay just because of what he earns, and in others yet, that he should contribute more because he is enjoying a lifestyle that you yourself can't afford. You can be pretty sure that unless you are clear, he will assume that the reason is the last one and therefore face the potential of him growing resentful.

My view would be to agree a reasonable amount for his board to include regular bills. Reasonable is what you both agree to after compromising depending on what your bills are and be clear on what is included in this. I would personally say that this pays for rent, electricity/gas, council tax/sky/landline if applicable/food for joint meals. Anything additional, he needs to pay himself. You need to be clear how often you consider acceptable for the girlfriend to stay and how much extra he will need to contribute to take this into consideration.

In the end, if you previously agreed that he would pay £140 a month, you have no right to be angry with him now since that was what you agree. There is no point in brewing resentment. Just seat down with him and explain that the £140 was based and x,y,z and that now things have changed, this needs to be reviewed. Make it clear that it has nothing to do with YOUR lifestyle (it is not his fault if you can't afford what he can).

Purleygirl

My heart goes out to you, it's very difficult for you, we have a daughter who has got away with too much for too long and we've had to show her how it is. I haven't read all the replies, too many, so apologies if I'm repeating anything. You have to be business like, you have to know what you have to say, say it and get an agreement from him. The only way he'll understand is if you show him your monthly income/outgoings. We !!!!!footed for too long and all that happens is you end up with an irresponsible young adult who takes the mick. If he doesn't cough up, then stop doing his washing because you can't afford his laundry powder, stop making sandwiches because there's nothing appropriate in the house, turn off the electricity when you go to bed because the bills are too high (my friend did this, worked a treat). If he is reasonable and you show him the hard evidence of how difficult it is to support him, he will respond. There's no point in regretting what you didn't do in the first place, it happened to us because you think they'll step up. Good luck. Oh, our son gives us half his income, he doesn't know but I'm stashing half of that into a saving s account for him. He is much more realistic so it's not how they're brought up really.