How much lodge should I ask my son for

Mojisola

Clandestine1 wrote: »

Now the son brings home at the moment @ £1500 pm + what he earns in the pub. I get £140 on the 15th of each month, which equates to him paying me in actual terms £32.30pw lodge.

Considering what he gets for that and the fact he is now virtually having his g/f live here for a minimum of one week per month in real terms, what would YOU consider to be a FAIR lodge to charge him ?

I am going to show him this thread as I am sick and tired of scrimping and saving, being put on

Thanks for your opinions and yes, I already know I have been too soft with him.

Clandestine1 wrote: »

Can I just bring this back on track please, I asked for opinions on what people thought a reasonable amount of lodge would be to ask my son for, laying out what was provided for him. I then felt I had to almost defend certain things I do for him as people seem to concentrating on that rather than the original question.

I think the two are very closely linked and that to get where you want to get to, it will need a shift in perception for you and your son.

He's in a halfway stage where he's an adult earning reasonable money but still living as your son the same way he did when he was younger. You're still, to an extent, mothering him.

I think that's why he's upset at the idea of having to pay more (because he's still, in his mind, your responsibility as your son). You can see he's a fully-functioning adult and are upset that he isn't appreciating what you do for him which you don't have to do because he's not a child.

I don't know if I've explained that very well but I do think it's down to more than just money.

Skintski

It depends how quickly you want him to move out and stand on his own two feet. My brother and I paid 10% of our net income each month to our parents on the understanding that we each had an ISA that had a significant figure paid in each month also to gather a deposit for a house. This meant we still had to learn to budget but it would give us both the chance to get on the housing ladder. It worked for us, we're now both homeowners and neither of us are in debt with the exception of a mortgage. We had to pay our own car insuance and phone bills while living at home too.

Jo_F

My daughter is 17, at college and working part time. When she started the job we agreed on 25% of her take home pay each fortnight for her board. This means if she has a bad run with shifts, then she isn't 'owing' me money, and if she gets lots of shifts then I do ok out of it too.

She is also responsible for her mobile phone bill and her addiction to Converse shoes.

Food and basic toiletries (toothpaste etc) are done with the houshold shop, so I pay for those.

Saying that, she does do a lot of the washing, ironing etc, and is happy with that, (she fights me for the iron sometimes).

BitterAndTwisted

OP: I think you need to get handy with an Excel spreadsheet. Calculate every single penny you spend a month on household expenses excluding mortgage/rent and then divide that figure by the total number of people in the household. That's your starting-position for renegotiation and then add you add on a reasonable figure for feeding/showering/etcetera for his girlfriend.

At his age it's not fair to have to suffer a loss supporting a wage-earning adult if you're not willing to or cannot afford it. If you think you need any additional ammunition to support your argument take a look at what it could cost him in a flat or house-share locally and add on £20 a week minimum for food and at least another £50 a month as a contribution towards utility bills and Council Tax. I can't think of a single circumstance where that number would work out at less than £300 a month including food.

megan01

I'm sorry but this is all your own fault. You've babied him to the extent that he doesn't know any different. You wait on him hand and foot and as soon as something grates on you you expect him to have a different perspective on life?

Don't do his washing, don't change his duvet, don't cook and pack his lunches (I can't believe you do this, make him learn to make his money last through the month) tell him he needs to do this himself, and if he doesn't then he's not welcome to live with you as you have house rules. He's earning enough to afford his own place. Once he has his own place and has to buy everything and his girlfriend still is flitting around not having a proper job he'll understand what it's like.

dancingfairy

I'd be interested to know what the result is and what you feel is fair. Can you let us know how you get on?
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Enterprise_1701C

With the amount he is bringing home I would ay £225 is easily enough lodge, but I would ask him for £275 (keeping it under a psychologically painful £300) and open a savings account with the other £50, then when he eventually leaves home you can give it to him as a housewarming "gift", he will never know he saved for it and it will be a welcome cash boost.

My son has now left home, but when he was here I charged him £125 a month but he was on a fairly low wage at the time, and it was a real struggle to get it out of him each month, he thought I was trying to make money out of him, then I started showing him things like the council tax bill and the utilities. He actually had no idea how much things cost!!! It was still a struggle to get it out of him, but he didn't question where it went!

My daughter still lives at home. She always asks when she wants her boyfriend to stay and accepts it if we have to say no. I would say she stays there more than he stays here. They often provide their own meals when they are here. She provides all her own toiletries, runs her own car and all that. I only charge her £75 a month because I KNOW she is saving as hard as she can to move out, and, in contrast to our son, the money is transferred on the day she is paid and she frequently offers more.

I think part of the problem with your son is attitude, he needs to realise the cost of living.

DaisyFlower

If £140 is truly not enough to keep him in food and toiletries, then add up the recipts and show him. That does seem more than enough though to feed one teen child, excema washing powder ismt that much more compared to branded powder as my little one suffers from it. You manage to keep your daughter on CB which is £80 so he already pays nearly double that.

You would have the mortgage and same bills to pay regardless or him being there or not so the children dont really add to these are you are home all day anyway using energy.

His girlfriend staying over is down to you. If you dont want her too then say so.

Riversong

I can't suggest how much he should contribute etc. All I wanted to Add is when I was 17 and on a part time job while in school. One day out of the blue my parents basically demanded I pay them £300 board or find somewhere else to live.

I moved out with my bf about a week after and never looked back. Instead or imposing a figure you will probably get a better result by talking to him. Explain how you came to that figure and why you're changing things.

When your situation improves you could always put his rent into savings for him?

74jax

I would suggest a third goes to board.