How much lodge should I ask my son for

lovecake

It is always tricky asking loved ones for money!

When I lived at home about 8 years ago I was on a lowish wage (about 12k or 13k a year, I think I came away with £800 a month max) and I gave my Mum £200 a month. I also managed to pay off my overdraft of almost £2k and also paid for a holiday for myself.

This was only a quarter of my wage which to me was completely fair. If it was nowadays I'd expect to pay more than £200.

I bought my own toiletries and did the occasional food shop for my Mum and made the odd family dinner, but everything else was provided for me.

I think (as lazer says above) it would be worth looking at what it actually costs to have him there i.e. a third of all the heating, electricity, phone, TV, broadband, council tax, meals etc. and that should help you gauge what to ask him for. If he was in his own flat/house he'd have to pay rent AND an equal proportion of all bills so I would say it's more than fair to charge him what he is costing you (with a little extra for the girlfriend staying so frequently).

I hated feeling like I was costing my folks money and was more than happy to contribute as much as they asked of me - I never questioned it.

Can I also mention that your son earns more than me (29 years old, working full time in a decent job) and I have to pay my share of mortgage, bills etc. have just paid for my wedding/honeymoon and am saving as we have a baby on the way! He is obviously overspending on night out etc. and I would say he can 100% afford to give you more!

HTH

Clandestine1

I also forgot to say we have a 17 year old daughter who is still in full time education, so we have her to support. The daughter has a little job, which pays for her mobile phone, make up, leisure activities etc, which saves us giving her pocket money. We take no lodge from her as I get Child Benefit, which pays for her travel to college, lunches etc. Once the daughter stops education, she will be expected to contribute to household expenses or work to pay for her stay.

gingin_2

I would say at least £300 as well. Either his outgoings are so low he must be saving a fortune whilst you struggle, or if he isn't saving he needs a serious reality check in real costs of living. You're a caring mum but I would say you are doing him no favours in making life so easy for him

onlyroz

I'd figure out how much you could charge for a lodger and maybe charge him 3/4 of that amount. And I would also stop making him packed lunches, buying him toiletries and doing his laundry. Cooking him dinner is fine (as long as his rent covers the food), but he needs to give warning if he's not in to eat it.

If you treat him like a child he will continue to act like one. £1500 a month take home is a *very* good wage for somebody his age - and I'd expect somebody with his level of commitments to be able to save at least half of that and still be able to enjoy plenty of nights out.

irishjohn

First - Ask son if he and girlfriend would prefer to get a place of their own and if so how do they want to make it happen.

Second - Make sure you know the cost of running the household for a month - mortgage or rent, utilities, and food.

Third - Advise him that you feel he should now pay 25% of those costs - not 33% as you realise he will need to build his own nest egg to enable him to become independent.

Fourth - Advise him that you will continue to cook family meals and do family washing but any extras - lunches - his ironing - must be negotiated and paid for

Its your responsibility to ensure your son learns the skills of independence and the costs. He will thank you for it - eventually

Mojisola

Clandestine1 wrote: »

Thanks for the replies guys. The life insurance is because he has a motorbike and if, God forbid, anything happens to him, it would be up to us to pay for something I really don`t want to think about and in our current situation we couldn`t do it.

A funeral will probably cost £2.5k to £3k.

I would be factoring that into what he paid every week and putting some aside in a savings account just in case the worst happens.

lovecake

Also, just an idea, but maybe ask if he would like help in setting up an ISA with a monthly DD from his wages? If you are charging him less because he is supposedly saving then I think it's only fair that he actually does this...

Bailey101

I agree with other posters who've said £300 a month, but I'd also be expecting him to pay for any 'luxury' food that isn't being eaten as part of the family meals. When I had lodgers I charged £300 a month and provided milk, tea, bread etc, but if they wan't fancy cereal or jars of sauce then it was down to them.

Clandestine1

I don`t want to ask for more than it actually costs him to stay here, I would even take a little less and I am taking a LOT less at the moment, but it is making me mad when we have to think hard before we have a night out, when the son is out so often and paying to take his g/f out all the time as well. I would say he spends more taking her out one night than he gives me lodge for two weeks. I am not being mean, it`s just I think he needs to get his priorities right and realise that he IS putting on us.
Once the g/f goes home, she`s probably here until late Sunday evening again now, I am going to sit him down with household bills and tell him he has to pay 1/4 of them (we will pay 2/3 as we have the daughter) and each time the g/f stays I expect to be ASKED in advance and a top up of his lodge to compensate for the extra washing etc she causes.
If the son wants to move out and in with the g/f, he can, although he will be supporting her permanently as she doesn`t work and he definitely won`t be going out as much, as she doesn`t think he should go anywhere without her, so that will be his weekends away and holidays with the lads gone. I really don`t think he does want to live with her, but if he doesn`t pay a realistic lodge, that`s going to be his way out.

KxMx

Sorry, there is doing the majority of housework because you are at home the most, and babying your Son!! Packing up for a 19 year old, dear me.

What's to stop him buying his own washing tablets, cooked chicken etc?

I am afraid treating him in such a manner has come home to roost now by what you've put.

Make a stand over the money and make him do adult things for himself!