How much lodge should I ask my son for

Clandestine1

I am in a quandary at the moment. My 19 year old son is in a well paid apprenticeship, soon to come out of his time when he will be earning nearly as much as his Dad (his Dad`s wage is the only wage we have coming into the house as I can`t work at the moment and receive no benefits), plus the son also works regular shifts in a local pub.
Our household bills are going up and we are having to cut back every way we can. I am cutting back on shopping, don`t have heating on in the house until the evenings, etc etc.
At the moment the son gives me £140 per calendar month and for that he gets all his meals, though sometimes he eats at the pub he works in, he buys his own lunch at work, though if he`s running out of money at the end of the month I make him packed lunches, which usually involves me buying things I wouldn`t normally buy like cooked chicken pieces and jars of sweet and sour sauce etc as he likes to take something in he can heat up in the microwave. His saving money costs ME money ! The son also gets all his washing and ironing done, he has excema so I am limited in what I can buy, so I can`t buy cheaper brands, I buy all the toiletries including his toothbrushes, shampoo, deodorant etc, his bedclothes changed for him (he claims he can`t put a duvet cover on) and basically he lives the life of Reilly.
The understanding was that he would save up for a deposit for a house or flat to get himself on the property ladder, but so far he doesn`t have a brass penny saved. Nor does he have life insurance despite repeated nagging from us. We are basically subsidising him living with us, in order so he can save to eventually leave to a home of his own, but he`s not doing this. The son smokes, is out every weekend, goes out most nights of the week ( he plays in a pool team one or two nights), while we hardly go out as we can`t afford to.
Now the son has a girlfriend who has stopped with us nearly every weekend for the last 8 months. The g/f arrives on Friday and goes home last Sun evening. Originally we were asked if she could stop one night, the following weekend she stopped again and now she`s here every weekend. That`s bad enough, but now it is turning into extra nights here and there, as I write this the son is at work and his girlfriend is STILL lying upstairs in bed !
The girlfriend doesn`t work, has had a few casual hours at the pub the son works in, hence her staying last night as she was babysitting and apparently taxi`s cost too much for her to get home (although she supposedly knows a taxi driver who does taxi`s cheap for her and she finished babysitting well before midnight when taxi rates go up), seemingly she was seeing another local pub about working there so that`s why she couldn`t go home straight after babysitting. I was not asked if she could stay last night, it was just dropped on me. It seems every time she has hours in the local pub she has to stay here, so some weeks she is here 3 nights a week. Not once in the 8 months has the son ever offered to up his lodge to compensate for her being here, even though she tends to wear his clothes a lot and has doubled the amount of washing and drying I get from him.
Now the son brings home at the moment @ £1500 pm + what he earns in the pub. I get £140 on the 15th of each month, which equates to him paying me in actual terms £32.30pw lodge.
Considering what he gets for that and the fact he is now virtually having his g/f live here for a minimum of one week per month in real terms, what would YOU consider to be a FAIR lodge to charge him ?
I am going to show him this thread as I am sick and tired of scrimping and saving, being put on and when I think that on a Saturday night he spends £17 on a take away after town, as well as paying for his g/f the whole night out as usual, he must spend 3 times the amount of lodge he pays me for one week, in ONE night out !
Thanks for your opinions and yes, I already know I have been too soft with him.

lazer

My mums aid last night she would never have charged me more than it actually cost for me to live there.

Actually - she never charged me anything, but since working i only lived at home for a round a year, and did take them out for meals, buy random presents, better xmas/bday presents etc to show my appreciation.

So how much does it actually cost for you to have your son (and girlfriend p/t) living there?

If you are going to charge more than this be prepared for him to move out - if this is what you want then fair enough

PS - I see no reason why your son should have life insurance, without a house or dependents is it not unnessecary?

The alternative view is that there is 3 adults in the house so he should pay a 3rd of all bills.

Johnny_Barnes10

If he's earning £1500 I'd say at LEAST £300 a month. And he should be buying his own toiletries etc too.

Joons

£140 a month! And he gets all that??? Can I please come and live with you? You need to work out exactly how much it is costing YOU to have him in your home then that's what he pays in digs, simple. They'll take as long as we're giving, we're all soft so you're not along, he sounds like he has a fine life but you need to charge him correctly, you're doing him a favour cos I can't think of anywhere where he would get such luxury for such a small price. I would work out his share of everything, show him that so he can see you are being fair, he prob has no clue about the price of food, gas etc so you can give it to him in black and white and he can come back to you with any questions he may have. It won't be nice for him but it's a reality check, he can't at 19 continue to live in a bubble where you protect him from the harsh realities of life, he needs to show a little bit independence now.

thunderbird

£300 was the figure that popped into my head too. Based on nothing but gut feeling. Start negotiations with a higher figure and work down to that (or whatever figure you decide on), but on the condition that he also saves a set amount every month.
Also, he should ask every time he wants his girlfriend to stay over.

That is an amazing apprentice job getting paid that much!

Also - why would he need life assurance?

fashionlover10

I agree with Johnny Barnes 10s suggestion of £300 but I'm also with lazer about the life insurance thing.
He doesn't really need life insurance and if I was you I'd be worried about him paying out for that and telling you he can't afford to give you any extra keep. I realise that life insurance premiums aren't usually huge but he's 19 and probably not very willing to up his keep money so could use it as an excuse.

I also don't understand why you have to buy extra food to send him to work with a packed lunch. My OH takes a packed lunch every day which includes a tupperware box of last nights leftovers for him to heat up in the tea room at work. Can you not just increase the amount you cook the night before by a little and box him up a portion to take to work the following day?

LittleMax

I would look at how much it would cost him to rent a room privately with bills included - plus an amount for cleaning and laundry services and charge that.

However I would also work out how much it actually costs you to have him living there. Then the difference I would then put into a savings account for him so he can save for a deposit to move out.

That way he will have to get used to living on a realistic amount so he is prepared for moving out and less likely to end up back home again! I would also consider preparing him for having to do his own laundry too ... unless you want that dumped on you every week after he has moved out!

McKneff

At the very least £250 a month.

He has to learn to budget the rest of his money.

If he balks at that, tell him to find somewhere else to live.

And stick to it.

Mojisola

Three adults in the house = household jobs get shared out three ways.

Stop treating him like a child - buying his toothbrush and changing his bed, for heaven's sake!

Work out your household expenses and divide it by three.

Have a look at how much it would cost him to rent a room in a shared house - include an amount for food, etc.

Have a serious family meeting and look at all the paperwork. If he won't pay his third of the bills, give him a date to find to move out.

If he stays, tackle the gf issue.

Clandestine1

Thanks for the replies guys. The life insurance is because he has a motorbike and if, God forbid, anything happens to him, it would be up to us to pay for something I really don`t want to think about and in our current situation we couldn`t do it. We want him to get one that will pay out a lump sum in a few years, which would give him a nest egg.

Clandestine1

The son does help out with odd DIY jobs I hasten to add, he is actually a hard worker and regularly comes in from one job, has his tea and goes to the next one. As I am home all the time at the moment, I tend to do the majority of the housework, if and when I get back to work, the family would have to pull their weight again.