Wedding dress code and other demands!

Person_one

kiss_me_now9 wrote: »

I honestly can not understand why you'd deliberately go against it though...

If you're friends enough with the couple to accept that it's one day and you're making them happy, then wear it.

If you're happy to make someone upset on what's meant to be the happiest day of their life then why are you going to their wedding anyway?

Surely nobody will actually get upset about seeing someone in purple rather than peach?

I think declining sends the message that its normal and ok for them to put weird conditions on the people attending their wedding. You aren't wearing something different because you want to upset them, you're wearing something different because those are the clothes you have and that you want to wear for their wedding! As long as they are appropriate for the occasion, that should be enough!

When you go to a fancy dress party, there are always a couple of people who don't dress up, or just make a token gesture, because they're self conscious, they can't afford to buy a costume, they had to come straight from work etc etc. Nobody says they should just not bother coming as it would upset the host!

kiss_me_now9

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

True but surely the happy couple should just be happy to have their friends and family there in the first place? Regardless of what they're wearing. Incidentally, none of my friends and family would make such an outlandish request anyway.

And, what on earth would they do if you showed up and broke the rules? Not let you in? Not allow you in the photos? Give you a glass of water for the wedding toast?

I find it funny that dress code is more acceptable than dress colour dictated - personally, if I ever get married 'no solid black or white outfits' is being written on my invites because people don't seem to understand wedding tradition these days! And I probably would turn them away because quite frankly I wouldn't want to celebrate with someone who doesn't give two hoots about my family traditions anyway.

OP doesn't sound like she wants to go, so why bother going just to kick up a fuss? You wouldn't turn up to someone's birthday party with a present that you know they would hate, would you? So why take Argos gift vouchers to a wedding that has asked for Debenhams vouchers?

Kirri

cazziebo wrote: »

It's getting crazier and crazier. I loved the thread on here last year that told about the no facial hair stipulation, and the no fatties in the foties rule... :rotfl:

Is a wedding not for friends and family to celebrate two people coming together to spend the rest of their lives with each other? It's fast becoming a one day pantomime mockery of what is a solemn commitment.

And yes, I've often found that the bigger the do, the shorter the marriage. Sad.

Wear what you want, OP, at least you'll stand out in the photographs!

^ That's even worse than the dress colour code, can't believe what some people are like!

Person_one

kiss_me_now9 wrote: »

I find it funny that dress code is more acceptable than dress colour dictated - personally, if I ever get married 'no solid black or white outfits' is being written on my invites because people don't seem to understand wedding tradition these days! And I probably would turn them away because quite frankly I wouldn't want to celebrate with someone who doesn't give two hoots about my family traditions anyway.

Ah, you're one of them.

Most people know not to go to a wedding all in white, the ones that do it just get whispered about all day, it doesn't hurt the bride in any way.

Black is perfectly acceptable these days I'm afraid, a lot go for black for the bridesmaids because its flattering on every shape and size, you can normally get something at a decent price and it doesn't show the red wine stains from the latter part of the night do.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

Surely nobody will actually get upset about seeing someone in purple rather than peach?

I think declining sends the message that its normal and ok for them to put weird conditions on the people attending their wedding. You aren't wearing something different because you want to upset them, you're wearing something different because those are the clothes you have and that you want to wear for their wedding! As long as they are appropriate for the occasion, that should be enough!

When you go to a fancy dress party, there are always a couple of people who don't dress up, or just make a token gesture, because they're self conscious, they can't afford to buy a costume, they had to come straight from work etc etc. Nobody says they should just not bother coming as it would upset the host!

I would decline rather than go expressly contrary to the wishes of the bride.

Partly because the wishes being 'odd' lead to a tender, less enjoyable less natural day IMO, but also because to purposely try and piddle someone off to point out there ego mania seems simialrly self important to me.


It is hard not to be swept up. Dh and I didn't have a wedding like that, but we did start planning one, it's amazing how easy it is to be whipped up into the importance of the minute details. I remember crying because my mother was determined I could not have the flowers I wanted nor the colour scheme, nor the colour dress actually. It's incredible how much these details seem to matter at the time. Stepping back from it was both sad and full of relief.....we had forgotten who we were and what it was about for a minute.

Kirri

kiss_me_now9 wrote: »

I find it funny that dress code is more acceptable than dress colour dictated - personally, if I ever get married 'no solid black or white outfits' is being written on my invites because people don't seem to understand wedding tradition these days! And I probably would turn them away because quite frankly I wouldn't want to celebrate with someone who doesn't give two hoots about my family traditions anyway.

I've worn all black to two weddings... didn't go down well, I was a teenager at the time though but still despise dress codes even now.

adouglasmhor

thehappybutterfly wrote: »

Dinner jacket, of course! Why the hell did I not see that? I had half of it

See we'd struggle with that - my hubby doesn't own a dinner jacket. He's strictly a 'smart shirt and dress trousers' man.

Asda do one for £45 but you can hire or I got one of mine for £8 off fleabay, and it's an all wool fully tailored job.

lostinrates

Person_one wrote: »

Ah, you're one of them.

Most people know not to go to a wedding all in white, the ones that do it just get whispered about all day, it doesn't hurt the bride in any way.

Black is perfectly acceptable these days I'm afraid, a lot go for black for the bridesmaids because its flattering on every shape and size, you can normally get something at a decent price and it doesn't show the red wine stains from the latter part of the night do.

I wouldn't have liked it, and I would not do it to anyone else. As in last post, guests can be self important too, and it seems that wearing things that are traditionally ' ruled out' might well be the same thing in a guest as requesting them would be in a bride.

kiss_me_now9

Person_one wrote: »

Ah, you're one of them.

Most people know not to go to a wedding all in white, the ones that do it just get whispered about all day, it doesn't hurt the bride in any way.

Black is perfectly acceptable these days I'm afraid, a lot go for black for the bridesmaids because its flattering on every shape and size, you can normally get something at a decent price and it doesn't show the red wine stains from the latter part of the night do.

Unfortunately I'm very very traditional so it would matter to me! I think a more diplomatic way of writing it would be 'Be as colourful as you can!' - plus it'd make for fun photographs Every wedding dress code thread results in people saying the same but tbh it's a very small thing to ask my guests I think.

Peach and purple would probably matter as well because quite frankly, that is a hideous colour combination but I could shuffle people around in photographs!

I do find it weird though, at the end of the day most women have a dress that isn't solid black in their wardrobe but not many have ballgowns/long dresses necessarily.

P.S. My sister is getting married this summer and toyed with the idea of having Tottenham Hotspur 'blue' - very very dark navy - as her bridesmaids colour, that didn't last long with the threat of her being given a peach meringue at my eventual wedding Joking of course, if she'd really wanted it I would've worn it, because she's my sister, but it seems silly to have very dark blue and green as a colour scheme (don't ask!) and then make the bridesmaids were the darker of the two... so the groomsmen have to wear bright green... which none of them wanted either!

Person_one

kiss_me_now9 wrote: »

Unfortunately I'm very very traditional so it would matter to me! I think a more diplomatic way of writing it would be 'Be as colourful as you can!' - plus it'd make for fun photographs Every wedding dress code thread results in people saying the same but tbh it's a very small thing to ask my guests I think.

Peach and purple would probably matter as well because quite frankly, that is a hideous colour combination but I could shuffle people around in photographs!

I do find it weird though, at the end of the day most women have a dress that isn't solid black in their wardrobe but not many have ballgowns/long dresses necessarily.

P.S. My sister is getting married this summer and toyed with the idea of having Tottenham Hotspur 'blue' - very very dark navy - as her bridesmaids colour, that didn't last long with the threat of her being given a peach meringue at my eventual wedding Joking of course, if she'd really wanted it I would've worn it, because she's my sister, but it seems silly to have very dark blue and green as a colour scheme (don't ask!) and then make the bridesmaids were the darker of the two... so the groomsmen have to wear bright green... which none of them wanted either!

A wedding is a day you sign a contract, it can be very romantic and lovely but its not supposed to be a performance is it?

Since when did having photographs that look like something out of Hello become more important than family and friends eating and drinking together happily?

If you're 'very traditional', then ordinary people would never have had extravagant weddings in the past like they do today, and lots of people would have had one good dress that they dusted off for every special occasion. Lots of people still do!